Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I used to play Fortnite all night. No sleep! But ever since Obama told me to try Raid Shadow Legends for free, I am addicted. This game is a game. It has graphics. It has characters. Best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! Two week ago I spend all my money becoming a Raid Shadow Legend. Now I live in a dumpster outside a McDonald’s with free WiFi. At night I sneak into the McDonald’s like my new raccoon dad, Stripey, taught me to do so I can charge my phone. Through the cracked screen I am still perpetually amazed by the graphics of this game... they look so real! Thank you Obama, you truly changed my life!
I went to Dairy Queen a while ago; you know, Dairy Queen? Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "Free ice cream" written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You, don't come to Dairy Queen just because there is free ice cream, fool. It's only free ice cream, FREE ICE CREAM for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Dairy Queen, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna order the sundae." God I can't bear to watch. You people, I'll give you free ice cream if you get out of those seats. Dairy Queen should be a bloody place. That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, I was about to start eating, and then the bastard beside me goes "Cone, extra fudge." Who in the world orders extra fudge nowadays, you moron? I want to ask him, "do you REALLY want to eat it with extra fudge?" I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour. Are you sure you don't just want to try saying "extra fudge"? Coming from a Dairy Queen veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this, blizzard with extra Kit-Kat. That's right, extra Kit-Kat. This is the vet's way of eating. Extra Kit-Kat means more Kit-Kat than ice cream. But on the other hand the price is a tad higher. This is the key. And then, it's delicious. This is unbeatable. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the employees from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you should just stick with the banana split.
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
It actually is.
When I was a virgin I was a right-wing conservative incel puritan with radical extremist fundamentalist fanaticism to my religion
The day after I lost my virginity it actually made me think a lot and gave me lots of new perspective and I ended up being a left-wing liberal atheist.
Roblox has taken over my sons life, I need someone here to help me, it started off pretty small, he told me he was into this game called Roblox. I looked it over, seemed nice. That was 5 years ago, now my son has locked himself inside his room, using a pile of roblox toy plastic to guard me from opening it. When he comes out (The 1 time he does a week) he carries 5 bottles of empty soda pop filled with human waste and empty bags of food and throws them away. He will not speak to me, and will not leave the house, only will play Roblox. I've tried it all, but he seems to find a way to play roblox. I tired killing the WiFi but he payed someone in robux to let him have his, so he has his own wifi source, and trying to take away his PC causes him to go into a fit of terror, where he'll scream "ROBLOX ESCAPE THE BOSSBABY RAINBOW OBBY FIGDET SPINNER" until he gets it back please someone tell me how I stop this. I've tried doing a thing I call "Good Robloxian Robux" where I give him Robux when he does good things, like come out of his room, or doesn't use more then 20+ hours of wifi a day but it only works so much please someone tell me how I can get my son back, I miss that boy, he's 25 now, and needs a job
Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.
