Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
God fucking damn it, what's with all the Gardevoir obsessed people? When I was in high school, I had a roomate. Dude was fat, smelly, and obsessed with Gardevoir. He had Gardevoir T-shirts, Gardevoir posters, a Gardevoir plushie, and I swear to God, he had a Gardevoir Japanese fuck pillow. Every fucking conversation we had, he turned it into Gardervoir conversation. I wanted to punch him so bad, but I couldn't. I got anger issues, and just one fuck up could get me out of school. But I swear to God, sometimes I thought it would be a just price for punching that fat motherfucker in the face. I kept finding Gardevoir pictures EVERYWHERE. Some of them were covered in cum. Every night I heard him jerking off, and no matter how many times I asked - he did it anyway.
Once he said to me: "Hey Whiskey, we are having Pokémon night this Friday, are you cool with that?" I had an all night videogame LAN party that Friday, so I allowed that, but only if his buddies wouldn't touch any of my stuff. At all.
Long story short - LAN party got cancelled, and I had to go back to my room. My God, what I saw could not be described. Four fat nerds, watching the Pokémon anime, eating Cheetos, and covering everything with orange dust. One of those fatasses wore a fucking Gardevoir suit and another one was smoking. And they were sitting on my bed. That's right, those fuckers were sitting on my goddamn bed, covering it in Cheetos dust, cigarette ash and sweat. They haven't noticed me, because they were too busy watching anime. I was about to scream on top of my lungs and punch them, when Gardevoir appeared on the screen. All four pulled their dicks out in one synchronised movement and started to masturbate. I wish I was making that up. Even today this comes back in my nightmares. I gave my roomate a head concussion, knocked a few teeth out of others, and shattered suit guy's kneecap.Got into serious trouble, but my lawyer pulled my ass out of the fire. I fucking hate Gardevoir.
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
forgive english, i am Russia.
i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.
We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.
I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
I'm not sure what to do. For my early life, it wasn't a huge deal. I lived in a mostly white family who didn't really care, and I stayed home from school when I was sick. But now that I'm in college, I'm terrified of what it could mean. Doctors won't help me. Every time I've asked, they think I'm making it up and doing it on purpose, and now that I've moved, my doctor is this 6ft tall african-american man. I haven't been to a check-up in over a year.
It's causing trouble with school too. The first instance was in chemistry. The professor told me to pass out some bunsen burners from the cabinet to the rest of the students. I got up and opened the cabinet, but it was super dusty inside, and before I could help myself, a huge sneeze forced itself out of my body. "N*GGA!" sounded across the classroom, and I just froze. My cheeks heated up as everyone just stared at me. I quickly said that I needed to go get a tissue and ran from the classroom. I was forced to have a meeting with my professor later, where she was adamant that she wouldn't have that kind of language in her classroom. I tried to explain that it was an accident and I didn't even have a reason to say the n-word while sneezing and gathering bunsen burners, but she was already mad so I think she zeroed in on my word choice and thought that I was inferring that other times I DID have a reason to say it. I didn't get kicked out but nobody wanted to partner with me for the rest of the semester, and I feel like the professor was a bit harsher on test questions.
The most recent event happened only yesterday, and I'm terrified of what it could mean. I was in line at the Chick-fil-A in the cafeteria, feeling like shit. I'd been sick for a day or two, and normally I don't go out because of my unique problem, but I was starving and just needed to grab a quick bite. Right as I got up to the counter, I felt a sneeze coming on, and knew I was screwed. Here's the thing. When I'm sick, the issue is 10x worse. The phlegm or something in my throat makes the n-word sound come out with a lower, R-sound at the end instead of the gasp that normally makes the A. So I'm standing there, about to order my 8pc nugget, when I spasm and unleash a full forced "N*GGER!" across the entire cafeteria. Everybody heard it. Literally everybody. The girl at the counter, who unfortunately was black, just looked so hurt and angry at the same time, not to mention I think I may have sneezed a little on her. I turned and bolted from the cafeteria. I ran straight back to my dorm; I saw a group of guys trying to follow me, but they couldn't get in to my specific dorm building. I recognized a few of them from my chemistry class. I've been in my dorm ever since. I'm terrified of leaving. I'm positive that if they see me again, they'll kick the shit out of me.
So that's my problem. I'm not sure how to prove my innocence and I don't think I'll survive another semester at this rate.
So I was taking my third bath this decade today and I was feeling pretty horny and didn't want to wait to get out the bath, do I decided "well, no one is around so I might as well do a quick one" so yeah I did a quick one and my cum formed like fucking opaque bubbles, that shit was the coolest science experience ever dude they were all floaty and squishy to the touch and I just had a blast playing with them for like 5 seconds then I decided to exit the bath and clean myself off. The cum bubbles don't dissolve. THEY DON'T FUCKING DISSOLVE. So here I am sitting outside my bath waiting for it to drain so I can wipe away my soggy cum bubble remains in hopes that none of my family come to check on me
