Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
It was the early hours of a Sunday morning after I had been out to a bar with the lads. Our original plan was to just get bevved, but one thing led to another and I ended up taking some lass home.
I walked through the front door with the girl and looked into the kitchen. I saw a plate left on the table with tin foil covering it.
“Oh, did you make some food to eat when you got home?” the girl asked.
“No, I didn’t. I think mummy must have left this for me,” I replied.
I walked over and lifted the tin foil. It was a plate of turkey dinosaurs and potato smiles ready to be reheated. Nice.
I took the girl upstairs towards my room.
“Now stay quiet, daddy has enough trouble sleeping with mummy’s CPAP machine going all night. She has really bad sleep apnea," I warned. The girl nodded and quickly tiptoed with me past their bedroom door.
When we got into my dark room, the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling were the first to draw the eye. I always thought space was cool and I’d hope any girl worth my time would think the same. I then turned the light on so she didn’t trip over my Power Rangers figures I had been playing with before I left. I saw here staring at my PC below my Danny Phantom poster.
“Yeah, I’ve got a 3080 in there, but the whole thing is a custom build so I could fit the components into the Hot Wheels case. It’s the same setup that I had as a kid and I’m not ready to let go just yet.” She remained quiet but I assume she was impressed.
I pushed her down onto my Lightning McQueen bed and tore off her clothes. I threw her pants behind me and they landed on my Dragon Ball figurine shelf. I took my trousers off but quickly emptied the pockets so I didn’t leave a used tissue in them and ruin another wash. Mummy really needs to start checking herself before she puts them in the machine. We started to plow but it was difficult to thrust back without hitting my feet into the back of McQueen’s face. I persisted though. I was riding a girl like my favourite race car.
I could tell she was about to cum so I increased my speed. You’ve always got to be fastest at the finish line. Her eyes rolled back and at the point of climax I uttered one word.
“Kachow.”
I rolled off her onto the floor as there wasn’t enough room on the bed to fit two people. I lifted my head up to face her.
“You’ve just had the Lightning experience. Only special girls get that, so feel proud.”
I then got up and played Double Dash until she decided to leave.
I remember one kid at my school got bullied really bad. They would shove him, throw away his packed lunches, and tear up his Harry Potter books.
They would even shout "wizard bitch!!" At him and when he corrected them saying female wizards are actually witches they would just beat him up. At first I thought it was awful and told them to stop. I said they were all bullies and this is not ok. They eventually backed off.
Now looking back on it, they weren't bullies at all, they just didn't want to support JK Rowling's transphobic rhetoric and influence. They were doing the right thing all along and I was too blind to see it.
They even were trying to break down the boundaries in gender biased language such as "witch" and "wizard." They were gender-abolishing warriors, not cruel kids.
They we're standing up for those that were silenced. How they knew this at such a young age, so far in advance before she even publicly stated anything is nothing short of amazing. They were playing chess, I was merely playing checkers. That's a true ally.
Wherever they are, I hope they are doing well. And I also hope that bigoted wizard-loving loser is being tripped as I say this.
I was just in my bed, jacking off and suddenly my grandma just opens the door and stares directly at me. She had brought some clothes and wanted to know if they were mine. I, as fast as possible, pulled away my "aa-battery", and just shouted at her "What?" (Very annoyed). She left my clothes on my chair and left the room. But before she closed the door, she winked at me.
This was all I needed to know. She knew. She knew exactly what I was doing, and I feel so embarrassed that if I were to die of a heart attack, I would thank God for letting me skip the dinner.
I should add that none in my family is really religious.
Anyway, thank you for reading this monstrosity of a post. I'll now go and watch youtube, hoping to forget this experience.
So this morning when I woke up my mom pulled my sheets up and there was this small stain on my dark sheets. She pointed at it and said "you have any idea what this is?"
I said "maybe it's butter?" because a couple days ago I was eating popcorn on my bed and I hoped that would be enough of an explanation for her.
She said "it couldn't be because it's not oily. Listen, if you're going to do that, just clean up better or go to the bathroom"
I'm so glad my mom understands and is ok with it :D (and just to clarify, she's ok with me doing that as long as I'm not watching anything, then she has a problem)
Edit: i used a tissue but I came too much and the tissue wasn't enough so some of it rolled down the side of my hip
Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city? I thought not. It's not a story the Playmobils would tell you. It's a LEGO legend. Man Lego was a Dark Lord of building, so powerful and so wise he could use the bricks to influence the constructions to create rescue helicopters… He had such a knowledge of building that he could even keep the ones he cared about from falling. The dark side of the LEGOs is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice threw him into the river in LEGO city. Ironic. He could rescue others from the river, but not himself.
Oh yeah my dick is 5 feet long actually, it's a real problem for me, I have to get really specific pants and it hinders my everyday life dramatically. I vividly remember this one time I woke up in the middle of the night and somehow someway I actually was completely hard for the first time in my life. However I was quickly reminded that in order for my 5 foot penis to be erect, it would mean a large portion of my blood would be redirected into the shaft of my penis. My excitement was quickly and promptly ended when I fainted due to a lack of blood in my brain. Now everyday I fear that this event happens in public and my massive 5 foot penis bursts through my special pants and it's promptly followed by me fainting and falling on the floor with my dick out for all to see.
