By u/FurinaFootWorshiper, its a reference to the “I play DoT teams” copypasta from Honkai Star Rail but changed to the original mono quantum archetype that has fallen out of the meta.
Recently, I talked to a girl about HSR at a posh restaurant, it did not go well.
She straight up asked me:
"Hey, which team do you play the most?"
Upon hearing this question, my heart tightened, I began to have an intense panic attack and almost choked. So I gave my response:
"Y'know, the one that got good recently?"
I could see it in her eyes, a small flash of excitement.
"Oh? Hypercarry Phainon? I love Phainon."
I immediately tried to explain.
"N-no-"
"Then Castorice? "
"Sorry, I-"
"Mydei, Anaxa or Aglaea? They are not bad."
"Also no..."
"THerta? She struggles in ST scenarios but she is still the queen of pure fiction. Also Madame Herta is a peerless gem!"
"Uh yeah, Madame Herta is a peerless gem."
At this point, my head was already buried in my chest, a girl who considers Madame Herta as a peerless gem is also a peerless gem, she seemed like someone who might also accept my certain enthusiasms with Furina. I dared not even lift my head up, I was already sweating bullets, and the atmosphere was so awkward my twitching feet could almost penetrate a hole through the marble flooring.
"So you don't play Herta too, then let me guess, you play superbreak? Then I'd agree it's pretty hard to say that so openly." Her expression was already that of astonishment.
In this day and age, those who would play superbreak are few in number. Either they still cling to old hopes and sometimes OD on copium, or they are deranged in the mind. 'Just pull for E2 and you'd be fine' they say, quite a pitiful bunch. I felt her empathetic gaze on my neck, it shook me intensely like the the time I got the pink haired hp scaling girl whose kit revolves around losing her hp (Fu Xuan) when pulling for Evernight. I felt my face fluster, my breath get heavy, and my head dazed. I tried my damned hardest to calm my quivering legs and clenched my teeth to say the words I was about to say next. This took the last of my strength:
"Not that either!"
These words were wilted when they came out of my mouth, it's no more audible than a needle falling to a dancefloor. Though, I promise this was the loudest that I could speak at that time. I looked up. her expression changed completely. There was a brief moment of dreadful silence.
"Then.... what team do you play? DoT? Feixiao? Saber?...Yunli? Acheron? I thought the game only had these teams?"
Every single word she spoke struck me like hammers nailing down the last few pegs of the coffin to my weak heart. I was awestruck, my soul rended apart by the sharpness of her words. Then, I could hold it in no more. Along with my words, a few strong-willed yet aggrieved tears rolled out of the corner of my eye.
"Mono quantum, I play mono quantum."
I could see the girl regaining the flash of excitement in her eyes, as she said "Oh! how could I forget about Archer, nice choice. He also has the highest DPS scaling in ST and despite the AoE shilling, he could still bruteforce Lygus."
"...Seele"
When I said that word, the discussions around us stopped, leaving me to wallop in the silence between my occasional sniffles. Feeling the pitiful gaze from passersby around me, I felt like an orphan dragging their disabled body to beg for spare change on the streets of Belobog. I held my face in my hands, I was too embarrassed to let anyone see my miserable state.
She turned to leave. At this point, tears already washed my face, I was on the floor, my two arms gripped on her ankles, and didn't dare let go. I was a clown to the people around me. The last words that I let out that day before being dragged out by the security and falling into unconsciousness were spoken at that very moment.
"So what my damage is low? It's not like she is unplayable! A girl once left my friend for liking DoTs but the devs buffed Kafka! Seele could still 0 cycle Lygus at E0S1! Just wait until the devs buff my 0 cycling queen again and make her the new top 1 DPS!"
