Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I went to the supermarket earlier today, to buy some cheese and bacon, you know? So I went up to the girl working there and she said: "Good morning, how can I help you?"
I couldn't believe this naughty bitch was offering herself to me at 7 am, but I managed to keep myself calm and said: "Good morning. I want 300g of mozzarella cheese and 300g of bacon please."
She started working on my order, and after a while she came to me and said "Sir, I acidentally put 350g of cheese instead of 300g. Can I leave it or do you want me to take some off?"
Holy fucking shit. I couldn't believe what this cum-addicted slut just said. She knew I only wanted 300g of cheese, but instead of giving me what I asked for she decided to try to have sex with me. I'm gonna explain it to you: what's the difference between 300g and 350g of cheese? That's right, 50 grams. What else has 50 grams? Yes, that's the average weight of a condom packaging, and also the average amount of sperm expelled during a sexual act. And worst of all, do you know which sentence has 50 letters? "Oh daddy please destroy my pussy and cum in my little slut ass".
I was shocked at the audacity of this whore, but I was better than this. I told her to take a little bit of cheese off, and she said: "is 308g alright sir?" I was shaking and sharting at this point. I couldn't believe she was humiliating herself like this. Do you know what has 8 letters? "I love you". But I didn't love her, I didn't love this attention deprived thot back. So I just said: "I'm not going to give in to your schemes. You should value yourself more, you are better than this".
As I was paying for my products at the cashier I could hear a great commotion, and I saw that the girl and all the other female employees were crying in unison. I left the supermarket knowing that I did the right thing.
Growing up, I was fascinated with scat sex. I used to download tonnes of scat movies and I always fantasised having a women shit on my body and in my mouth one day. After years of fantasising, I finally decided to pay for the professional escort Louise Hunter, who is well known for her scat movies. I turned up at her house and she seemed nice enough. She knew it was my first time experiencing scat, so she knew to take it slow. Louise had laid down some plastic on the floor in her living room, and lots of towels on top of that. I fucked her for a while, before laying on my back and letting her piss on my cock and stomach. Then she was about to start shitting and I asked if she could do it directly into my mouth. She happily shuffled backwards and started shitting in my mouth. As soon as the shit touched my tongue, I knew I had made a huge mistake. This was not how I imagined it would be, and at that moment I was simply a normal guy, on his back, with a women's shit in his mouth. The thing was I was too polite to tell her to stop. She had already told me she had had clients that asked her to stop and I didn't want to be one of them. So I stuck it out, and just let most of the shit fall off my lips onto the towel. I finished myself off by wanking onto her and then she let me take a shower to clean myself up before I left.
I've never watched another scat movie since and I have no intention of trying it again.
Rok 2035
Korea Północna jest w posiadaniu rakiety z głowicą nuklearną o zasięgu 40 000 km.
'Generale Ping Pong, cel nowy jork'
czerwonyguzik.gif
Umierający z niedożywienia naukowiec źle podłączył klona ardiuno.
Rakieta leci w drugą stronę.
Cel: Łódź Bałuty.
USA dalej nie dało tarczy.
Rakieta w zasięgu radarów.
Trzeba ostrzec mieszkańców.
syrena.wav
'GRAZYNA WYŁONCZ FAMILJADE JAKIEŚ ŚWIENTO JEST STÓJ NA BACZNOŚĆ MINUTA CISZY'
Straty oszacowano na 32zł
1. Rok 2035
2. Korea Północna jest w posiadaniu rakiety z głowicą nuklearną o zasięgu 40 000 km.
3. 'Generale Ping Pong, cel nowy jork'
4. czerwonyguzik.gif
5. Umierający z niedożywienia naukowiec źle podłączył klona ardiuno.
6. Rakieta leci w drugą stronę.
7. Cel: Łódź Bałuty.
8. USA dalej nie dało tarczy.
9. Rakieta w zasięgu radarów.
10. Trzeba ostrzec mieszkańców.
11. syrena.wav
12. 'GRAZYNA WYŁONCZ FAMILJADE JAKIEŚ ŚWIENTO JEST STÓJ NA BACZNOŚĆ MINUTA CISZY'
13. mielone.jpg
14. Straty oszacowano na 32zł
English Translation
Year 2035
North Korea has a missile with a nuclear warhead with a range of 40,000 km.
'General Ping Pong, target new york'
redbutton.gif
A scientist dying of malnutrition miswired an Arduino clone.
The rocket flies the other way.
Destination: Lodz Bałuty.
The US still didn't give the shield.
Rocket within radar range.
We need to warn the people.
siren.wav
'GRAZYNA WYŁONCZ FAMILJADE IT'S A HOLIDAY STAND ATTENTION A MINUTE OF SILENCE'
Losses were estimated at PLN 32
As a teen I once went to the beach with my family on a hot summer day. When I was eating ice cream I noticed there was a 4/5 chick with big boobs sunbathing. I got so horny that I needed to jack off immediately.
I changed to my swimwear and swam under a pier where no one could see me. I masturbated there for a while.
While I'm busting it I hear screaming from the beach but I'm so horny I don't care.
When I was climaxing a loud siren gets close. When I come I get out of my hiding spot. On the beach are a firetruck, police car and an ambulance.
I fear someone has died, so I get to the beach fast. I see my parents speaking to a police officer. They notice me and just bolt in my direction.
My mom hugs and kisses me. I'm like wtf man. I ask them and they say that they thought I had drowned, so they called 911.
There I stand, everyone watching me in silence with my still erect penis protruding from my pants.
I'm on a throwaway since I don't want to talk about this on my main. So about a week ago my wife told me she thought the idea of eating my asshole was hot and she wanted to do it. I thought that was kind of weird so I laughed and said I guess we can try it but I asked her what was do hot about it and either some gentle prodding I got to the heart of the issue. She wanted to try eating my shit.
I love my wife so, so much. We've been married for 6 years, have two beautiful children and a wonderful life together. I figured that I could at least try it even though the thought makes me squeamish. For her. She definitely does sexual things (albeit a bit more "normal" things) for me that don't really get her off so I thought what's the harm?
Well she took the kids to her moms house yesterday and told me to shower. I showed and she had a drink for me when I got out. I drank a couple more then we went to the bathroom and got naked and she laid in the tub (for easy cleanup) and I crouched over her with my asshole exposed. She started kissing and licking it while rubbing my cock which honestly was not unpleasant. Then it got a bit weird. She was moaning and playing with herself while eating my ass then she moaned "Feed me baby. I want your shit. I want it all." I tried to poop but it was really weird and uncomfortable. Right as I started to feel it slipping out I heard her moan "Fuck yes!" then she sucked the small piece of shit right out of my asshole and started eating it. I felt so gross and uncomfortable that I honestly almost started crying. I watched the mother of my children and the woman I love suck a nugget of shit out of my ass and eat it. It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life and I need to talk to her because she texted me today that she wants to eat more of my "special brownies" and I haven't responded. I'm going to have to sit her down and tell her I don't think I can ever do that again.
Juro que tudo o que ela faz o dia todo é se masturbar e se masturbar, parece que ela está misturando macarrão com queijo e você pode ouvir isso pela porra da casa inteira. Minha mãe tem reclamado com ela, mas minha irmã começou a falar cada vez mais alto. A pior parte é que meu computador está no quarto dela e todos os dias eu tenho que ir lá e vê-la simplesmente DEMOLINDO sua buceta de forma frenética, sucos brancos voando por toda parte! e então eu digo "Ei, talvez pegue uma toalha para se limpar pelo menos", MAS AQUELA VADIA APENAS ME IGNOROU. Eu não suporto viver aqui honestamente. Ontem, quando fui usar meu computador, ele estava absolutamente encharcado dos sucos nojentos dela, quase deu um curto-circuito, e ela manchou pelo menos 6 das minhas camisas até agora. E todos os meus amigos da escola me provocam, "haha haha Tobias tem a porra da irmã na camisa dele", "Girlcum Tobias" se tornou meu apelido. Eu odeio isso!
