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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Had sex with a ghost

    So my friend who is on a nofap journey for around 300 days, told me that he had a lucid dream yesterday where he was fucking a hot girl, the thing is, whilst he was fucking her, it felt so good and that the moment he was about to ejaculate, he stopped, saying that it was an act of supreme self-control.
    But here's the catch, immediately after stopping, he got pinned by a ghost, the ghost started thrusting his ass with his big girthy cock, the ghost was pinning him so hard he couldn't even move or turn back to see how the ghost looks like.
    
    He told me that all of that was an act of the matrix, and that all of these devils and ghosts are fucking him as an act of taking revenge on him, trying to make him fail his PMO free journey..
    
    This is not even the first time, he had other similar experiences, one in real life where he met a very sexy, charming ghost in form of human, but when he tried to fuck her, he instead got pinned by another ghost who started fucking his butthole.

    One Last Ejaculation

      You are on your deathbed. The heart-rate monitor beeps twice every second, a reminder that you are still alive, still on this hellish earth. You long for the pleasure that death will bring, the pleasure that rotting away underground in your coffin will bring. But then you get a devilish idea. With all of your might, you ferociously grab your dick and start beating it. As you continue, you feel your heart start to give up, as all of your energy is focused on your hands fondling your throbbing dick. The monitor now is only beeping once per second. Your nurse rushes over to see what is happening. And then, you finally let go. Cum explodes out of your dick at the speed of light, right into the nurse's mouth, making her choke. This only makes you harder. A second wave comes out from your penis. All of this energy you have used up now makes your frail heart go into cardiac arrest. Your head begins to feel faint, and you see the nurse spluttering on the floor, gasping for air under your sickly cum. This is the last thing you see before you flat line. Death. The horniest thing of all. With shattering force, your corpse lets go one last shot of semen.

      The future the gays want

        The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.

        Palhaço na Smartfit

          porra mano fui pra smart fit ontem pra fazer peito e triceps ta ligado
          
          ai la no canto tem uma area de crossfit puta area merda kkkkkkkkkkkk nem sei pq falei isso mas e dai
          
          enfim, tava la fazendo um fly suavao ai do nada me entra um palhaço na academia
          
          velho to falando de um palhaço mesmo, nao tipo o it ou tiririca que eh um meia foda de um palhaço
          
          eh um palhaço mesmo mano, pique os de circo manja
          
          suave tava no descanso do bi-set so fiquei de olho
          
          mano o palhaço nao vai no rack dos peso e cata 3 anilha de 25 kilo e começa a faze malabaris no bagulho
          
          porra jao 25 kilo cada
          
          a porra da academia travou pra ver aquele filho da puta brincando como se fosse com bolinha de tenis tiu
          
          ai um dos instrutor, o mais merda ne tinha q ser
          
          chego nele e falo "o jao para com essa porra ai vai machuca alguem mano"
          
          o palhaço olho pra ele sorrindo e ignoro
          
          nao e q deu merda, o ronald mcdonald do caralho solto uma anilha bem no pe e ele começa a chora q nem um bebe, no mesmo timbre
          
          o instrutor entro em choque
          
          ai o palhaço tira o sapato nr 55 dele e mostra que nao pegou, seguido de um HONK HONK com o nariz
          
          mano esse bagulho foi foda
          
          o instrutor saiu e foi procurar a gerente da academia q tava na recepçao dando o cu sei la fazendo o q
          
          quando eles voltaram o palhaço ja tava fazendo dropset de agachamento com 160kg, negada tava pirando vendo aquele cuzao
          
          na hora o palhaço viu eles e agacho com tudo
          
          as calça dele rasgou e começou a cair uma pa de jujuba e ele gargalhando
          
          mano foi o pior dia da minha vida, amei

          Open English translated

          Quando começamos a namorar, o pai dela me perguntou: “você trabalha?”

            Quando começamos a namorar, o pai dela me perguntou: "você trabalha?"
            Eu todo feliz, respondi que sim.
            "Você trabalha com o que?"
            - Eu sou chapeiro, trabalho no centro.
            Ele questionou:
            "O que um chapinha faz?"
            Eu todo tímido respondi: eu faço hambúrguer senhor.
            Minha namorada tava com olho arregalado, pegou na minha mão e disse: 'pai, a gente vai sair e depois vocês conversam mais."
            Assim que saímos, ela disse:
            "Amor, não liga pro meu pai!"
            Eu falei que estava tranquilo, mas por dentro já me veio o medo de perde-la.
            Saímos e foi tudo perfeito, eu queria pagar a conta, mas ela fazia questão de rachar.
            No dia seguinte quando fui buscar em casa, eu ouvi o pai dela cochichar: "O que aquele assalariado tem pra te oferecer?"
            Nossa mano, aquilo acabou com a minha noite mais uma vez.
            Quando minha mina saiu, ela estava tão linda e com um sorriso disfarçado. Como se estivesse segurando o choro.
            A gente foi numa pracinha e ela tava tão caladinha.
            Eu perguntei:
            O que foi amor?
            "- nada vida."
            Eu olhei nos olhos dela e disse: não desista de mim!
            Os olhos dela se encheram de lágrimas.
            Eu estava no 9° período da faculdade de enfermagem. No último periodo comecei a fazer estágio.
            8 meses depois, eu aposentei meu avental preto e estreei o meu jaleco branco.
            Na minha formatura só estava ela e minha mãe. Elas estavam chorando com orgulho de mim.
            Peguei a recisão, dei entrada em um AP de 40m². Meus amigos fizeram um chá de casa nova e mobiliei aos poucos.
            Mesmo sem cama e sem sofá, adivinha quem tá grávida de 3 meses e tá aqui comigo hoje?
            A amiga dela que conheci em uns encontros de amigos e acabei vendo que era o amor da minha vida ISSO MESMO
            Não importa o que a mulher passou contigo, você não se torna prisioneiro por isso , se você se apaixonar por outra garota, largue e constitua um novo amor

            Open English translated

            I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once

              I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.
              I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that).
              
              Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit.
              
              “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?”
              
              Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.”
              
              And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.”
              
              Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.