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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I had sex with my aunt…..

    I've been holding this in for a while.. Idk who’ll see this but PLEASE don’t get yourself into the situation I’m in!!! My bday had just recently passed, and I had a huge birthday party. A bunch of friends and family came. It was my 19th birthday, not 21 yet, but I still partied like a true adult. My aunt usually cooks at family events (She’s an amazing cook), so me, being completely blind to what was to come, asked her to make me a pan of THC brownies while me and my cousin (her son) went out to grab drinks and get haircuts for the party. We finished doing what we had to do and headed home for the party. I got out of the car, my aunt hugged me and said “happy birthday my handsome nephew”. At the moment I think nothing of it, I’m just ready to eat my Eddie’s and party😂.
    Long story short… Party starts and I’m ZOOTED AS FUCKKK… Like crazy high… The brownies were good as HELL and I didn’t instantly get high so I thought they wouldn’t work and ate 4 pieces. My aunt came around and offered me a shot. At first I refused because I didn’t want to be too fucked up, but I was already home and didn’t have to drive anywhere, so I said fuck it, I took the shots.. That’s what did it, NO LIE. I only remember sitting down at the kitchen table…. Next thing you know, I’m having unprotected sex with my aunt… She recently told me she was PREGNANT… Her husband has been in prison for over a year and is set to be released next month😟… I want her to get an abortion, but I also don’t want to her to kill my cousins sibling… Someone please PM ME PLEASE🙏🏻. I need someone to talk to IDK WHAT TO DO PLS HELP! Pray for me pls man

    SR-71 Blackbird: Speed Check

      SR-71 famous speed check story
      There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment.
      
      It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.
      
      I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn’t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury.
      
      Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace.
      
      We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: “November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground.”
      
      Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the ” Houston Center voice.” I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country’s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houston controllers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that, and that they basically did. And it didn’t matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios.
      
      Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his ground speed. “I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed.” Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. “Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check”. Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: “Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground.”
      
      And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done – in mere seconds we’ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn.
      
      Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: “Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?” There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. “Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground.”
      
      I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: “Ah, Center, much thanks, we’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money.”
      
      For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the Houston Center voice, when L.A.came back with, “Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one.”
      
      It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day’s work. We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.
      
      For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there.

      Oh my gosh, it’s a freaking Miata!

        Mazada Miata circle jerk copypasta
        Stopped by Starbucks this morning. Pulled up to drive-thru window and the barista asks, "OMG, are you driving a Miata?" I nod in response. She begins jumping with joy and says, "OMFG it's a freaking Miata! John, look! He's driving a Miata! You can make the headlights pop up right?!" I proceed to pop up the headlights to spur further joy. She exclaims, "Oh my gossshhhh, oh my gosh! I'm so sorry I'm freaking out! Here's your coffee have a great day!" 
        
        Hell yah, GenZ.

        The shitbox version

        Yesterday while in line at Starbucks, the barista asked me "OMFG, are those Miata foglights?" Now I drive an early '00s shitbox ford that had some parts bin compatability with some Mazdas, so I nod like the non-verbal 'tist that I am. She starts jumping for joy and says "OMG John it's a shitbox with miata parts compatibility! Can you turn the foglights on?" I said they haven't worked since 2008. She starts freaking out "oh my gosssssssh oh my gosh oh my gosh here's your venti soy iced latte with exactly four ice cubes."
        
        Hell ya, GenZ

        I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl’s shoulder today.

          POV you saw 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder
          I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.

          I haven’t had “normal” sex with my wife in over a year now. Only pegging and oral. I don’t miss it.

            Pegging was actually my wife’s idea not mine. I was kind of hesitant at first but I figured why not try it I only live once. The first time was amazing. I was so tight she could barely fit it in me but with tons of lube and foreplay I took all 8 inches my first time. The moment I felt her strap on hit my prostate I almost came on the spot. Then she started slowly rocking her hips and making the tip grind on it. I’d never felt anything like it. Before I knew it she was pounding me so hard I had tears in my eyes. My legs were shaking I had my face buried in the pillow then suddenly the immense pleasure doubled and I had the most powerful orgasm of my entire life. My eyes crossed, my legs started spasming and I started practically yelling cries of pleasure. Then she pulled out of me and I just laid there twitching and panting on the bed. Feeling almost on the verge of cumming again just by existing. Now years later this is the only way we have sex 99% of the time with me eating her out then her pounding me, pulling my hair, biting my neck etc. I haven’t put my penis inside of my wife in at least a year at this point and I don’t even care.

            My gf’s breast stink

              It was a normal day and me and my gf met up at my house. Sooner or later we began to cuddle. When I went to lay my head on her chest I smelt a devious oder.
              
              It smelled like a rotten corpse mixed with expired milk.
              
              I then got up and went to the bathroom. What should I do? How do u tell her?
              
              UPDATE: I told her and it didn't go well at first. She was very sad that I told her she smelt bad since that's one of her biggest fears, but once she smelt herself she understood what I was saying.
              
              She said she took an everything shower and didnt know what the problem was. We then checked my house and found nothing so we walked to her house that she just newly moved into and began to smell the oder once again.
              
              We continued to walk until we got to her bedroom to where the oder was at its peak. We searched but couldn't find the source until my gf found a small crack in the wall from which to oder was pouring out. I took my phone flashlight and looked through the wall to find what looked like an eye ball.
              
              We jumped back in horror and she called her parents and siblings to come over just incase. Soon me, my gf, her 2 younger brothers, her mother, and her father were there. Her father began to tear through the wall in which dust partials poured from it. Then there it was, a carcass fell out the wall onto the floor.
              
              Horrified her mother frantically pushed her brothers out the room and called the cops. Rn were waiting for them to arrive but atleast we found the source of it all😅