Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
My best bro Jeff turned himself into a femboy, he calls himself Crystal. Yesterday we were PVPing in Minecraft and everytime I hit him he moaned quietly, after some time I told him to stop, even though I was hard as fuck by then. He said "Tee hee, fine I'll stop b-baka(he likes japanese cartoons and comic books), look at me now." I minimized the Minecraft window and my jaw dropped, there it was on my screen. Jeff's asshole, he streamed it to me on discord, the quality was pretty good for a webcam.
My girlfriend walked into the room. Thankfully my reflexes were good enough after all those years of masturbation, I quickly minimized discord window. My gf looked me in the eyes and said "Was there your buddy Jeff's asshole on the screen just now?" Oh no, I wasn't quick enough. "Honey, it's not Jeff, it's Crystal" I mumbled. "What the fuck? It's totally Jeff, I would recognise his asshole anytim-" she stopped herself "Anyway, we are breaking up, you cheating scum!" my gf yelled and left. "Damn, bro, you ended my relationship" I said into the mic sadly. His response was "Ok, wanna fuck?"
So, Reddit, should I? uhmmm... auughhummmm.... do the thinggg??? 🧐😩🤔 I crave some bussy, but it is NNN after all...
I've been playing Bloodborne for the last 3 weeks and have noticed significant changes in my personality. I recently went for a stroll around my college campus and encountered a flock of fraternity boys, and couldn't help thinking that I could completely rock their shit with my moonlight great-sword. Similarly, in class as my professor was handing me an assignment, I upped my pistol and shot him within the parry window, however, there was no time for a visceral, he just collapsed unfortunately. I am writing this reddit post from a state penitentiary, and all i have left to say is, these other inmates about to fear the old blood.
I have an autistic shut-in girlfriend. It's great.
She has no friends. Zero. She wears no makeup. She spends her free time writing erotic fanfiction and other teenage girl crap even though she's close to 30 now.
She's attracted to vampires and werewolves and dragons and weird stuff like that. This is another reason I know she'll never leave me unless I abuse her or give her an actual REASON to. She's not attracted to humans.
She let me fuck her whenever I want because she loves and cares about me and because she enjoys the physical act of sex but she fantasizes that I'm something else other than human when I fuck her. I don't mind. Whatever makes her happy.
I'm aware of how this relationship sounds but she's assured me that she wants to be with me. I've told her that she doesn't have to have sex with me in order to stay with me but she wants to. We sleep in separate bedrooms because she wants her own space and I can't stand sleeping with someone.
Our relationship is weird but it works. To be honest I don't like women. I don't hate them but I just don't find them appealing or interesting at all. My girlfriend doesn't look or act like a woman though which is great for me. She owns 4 pairs of shoes (one for summer, one for winter, and a spare of each).
She's like a shut-in bro who shares most of my hobbies and interests, one of them being sex. I really can't imagine a better relationship.
So my girl is applying ED to Cornell University this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Cornell trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Cornell!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Cornell!
I asked her about it after and told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
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UC Berkeley
So my girl is applying to UC Berkeley this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Berkeley trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Berkeley!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Berkeley!
I asked her about it after and she told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
UC Illinois
My gf screamed “Illinois” instead of my name in bed?
So my girl is applying to UIUC this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Illinois trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Illinois!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Illinois!
I asked her about it after and she told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
My roommate keeps fucking his bed. How do I approach this?
I honestly don’t know how else to put it.
So for context, my roommate warned me that he “sometimes sleeptalked” at night, but I had gotten extremely unlucky with my first two roommates… they were absolutely terrible. Inconsiderate, spoiled, and disgusting. Therefore, a clean, tidy, hygienic roommate sounded great and I thought that a little sleeptalking wouldn’t hurt anyone.
The sleeptalking I can handle. The sleepfucking, on the other hand, I cannot handle. For clarification, the “sleeptalking” went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room.
This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning (it’s currently 4:30 and he’s just woken me up after rawdogging his mattress again). It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.
The other disturbing part is that he calls out names. He is currently single, and unfortunately, we have the same friend group. So occasionally, I’ll hear one of their names moaned out in the middle of the night. Here’s what woke me up half an hour ago.
squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak “uuuunghhhhhh Lauren” squeak squeak “oh fuck yeah” squeak
It only stops when 1: he climaxes. 2: he fucks the bed so violently that he bounces his himself up the bed and hits his head on the wall.
I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.) I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time. How should I approach this?
I met this girl at a bar and we went back to my place. We were both pretty drunk and horny, and she asked if I wanted to fuck. I obviously said yes, and I couldn’t wait to try her big fat cock, but when I pulled down her panties, there was nothing there! It was just a squishy wet hole. I asked her where her schlong was, and she told me “Girls don’t have schlongs!” I was so fucking confused. Please help me!
