Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Stopped by Starbucks this morning. Pulled up to drive-thru window and the barista asks, "OMG, are you driving a Miata?" I nod in response. She begins jumping with joy and says, "OMFG it's a freaking Miata! John, look! He's driving a Miata! You can make the headlights pop up right?!" I proceed to pop up the headlights to spur further joy. She exclaims, "Oh my gossshhhh, oh my gosh! I'm so sorry I'm freaking out! Here's your coffee have a great day!"
Hell yah, GenZ.
The shitbox version
Yesterday while in line at Starbucks, the barista asked me "OMFG, are those Miata foglights?" Now I drive an early '00s shitbox ford that had some parts bin compatability with some Mazdas, so I nod like the non-verbal 'tist that I am. She starts jumping for joy and says "OMG John it's a shitbox with miata parts compatibility! Can you turn the foglights on?" I said they haven't worked since 2008. She starts freaking out "oh my gosssssssh oh my gosh oh my gosh here's your venti soy iced latte with exactly four ice cubes."
Hell ya, GenZ
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Pegging was actually my wife’s idea not mine. I was kind of hesitant at first but I figured why not try it I only live once. The first time was amazing. I was so tight she could barely fit it in me but with tons of lube and foreplay I took all 8 inches my first time. The moment I felt her strap on hit my prostate I almost came on the spot. Then she started slowly rocking her hips and making the tip grind on it. I’d never felt anything like it. Before I knew it she was pounding me so hard I had tears in my eyes. My legs were shaking I had my face buried in the pillow then suddenly the immense pleasure doubled and I had the most powerful orgasm of my entire life. My eyes crossed, my legs started spasming and I started practically yelling cries of pleasure. Then she pulled out of me and I just laid there twitching and panting on the bed. Feeling almost on the verge of cumming again just by existing. Now years later this is the only way we have sex 99% of the time with me eating her out then her pounding me, pulling my hair, biting my neck etc. I haven’t put my penis inside of my wife in at least a year at this point and I don’t even care.
It was a normal day and me and my gf met up at my house. Sooner or later we began to cuddle. When I went to lay my head on her chest I smelt a devious oder.
It smelled like a rotten corpse mixed with expired milk.
I then got up and went to the bathroom. What should I do? How do u tell her?
UPDATE: I told her and it didn't go well at first. She was very sad that I told her she smelt bad since that's one of her biggest fears, but once she smelt herself she understood what I was saying.
She said she took an everything shower and didnt know what the problem was. We then checked my house and found nothing so we walked to her house that she just newly moved into and began to smell the oder once again.
We continued to walk until we got to her bedroom to where the oder was at its peak. We searched but couldn't find the source until my gf found a small crack in the wall from which to oder was pouring out. I took my phone flashlight and looked through the wall to find what looked like an eye ball.
We jumped back in horror and she called her parents and siblings to come over just incase. Soon me, my gf, her 2 younger brothers, her mother, and her father were there. Her father began to tear through the wall in which dust partials poured from it. Then there it was, a carcass fell out the wall onto the floor.
Horrified her mother frantically pushed her brothers out the room and called the cops. Rn were waiting for them to arrive but atleast we found the source of it all😅
My little sister has gotten into a bad habit recently. Apparently she had just discovered from one of her friends that a guy's testicles are very sensitive, and she felt the need to test this. So a couple of weeks ago when I was in the shower she snuck in behind me and grabbed my balls, then started squeezing and pulling with all her might. It was hot in the shower and my balls were very loose, so needless to say it was very painful. And I'm not the big macho type that can handle these kinds of things.
I tried to grab at her and get her off but she was crouched down too far behind me to reach. Her hands wouldn't budge from my balls either, no matter how hard I tried to pry her off. After about 30 seconds of me yelling at her to stop, threatening her in all kinds of ways, I felt nauseous. My knees buckled and I fell to the shower floor. While still holding on, she started shouting crap about how strong guys' balls are so weak and vulnerable. Eventually she stopped and ran away, while I lied on the floor for another 15 minutes.
That night I tried to have a talk with her, and tell her that you can't do something like that. She's only 12, after all, and probably doesn't know any better. But the talk was absolutely pointless, she just played dumb the whole time, denying that anything happened. I got so frustrated that I walked out, but I couldn't bare to tell my parents about it. That's just too embarrassing for me to handle.
So for the last 2 weeks whenever it was just the two of us in the house she would sneak up behind me and try to grab my balls. Of course it was harder for her since I had clothes on unlike the time in the shower, but she somehow always managed to slide her hands up my shorts and squeeze just before I could turn around.
It's getting very dangerous now. Yesterday was the reason I decided to share my story here. She got a fierce grip on my left nut and I fell to my knees. She must have gotten good at it, as I had never felt this much pain before. I started getting woozy and losing focus, barely able to say anything to her. I passed out within 10 seconds.
I think this is what she wanted. I woke up in the middle of the den where I collapsed, completely nude, and sprawled out on my back. My balls ached like never before, and I'm pretty sure they were a shade of purple. I couldn't get up. My head was ringing, but I was able to make out the voices of two or three of her friends from school in her room.
I'm very worried that she doesn't know the real harm in what she is doing. I could've been neutered for all she knew. I can't leave my room without getting paranoid and constantly looking over my shoulder. I don't even shower or change my clothes anymore. Anything to avoid being naked around her. How do I get her to stop? I don't want to hit my sister, but that may be the only option. Help me
La gente es hipócrita, yo lo sé, pero cuando dicha hipocresía viene de nadie menos que tu propia familia, entonces eso no sólo duele, sino que además, te da algo en qué pensar...
Vivimos en una sociedad tan obstinante, cretina, y ridículamente codificada hasta el colmo de lo infinito, que tenemos que ponernos a meditar al menos dos, cuatro o seis veces las cosas que decimos antes de decirlas o lo que hacemos antes de hacerlo, pues si no, entonces los demás se toman la libertad de ofenderse a la ligera con uno, y tal vez ni siquiera por convicción personal, sino porque son puras normas absurdas de sociedad.
Resulta que yo nací con una extraña condición que poca gente posee: puedo soplar por el miembro.
Así que después de que mi primo hizo un chiste y todos se rieron, yo quise hacer lo mío. Llamé la atención de la gente para que me vieran, me bajé el zipper del pantalón y, cubriéndome el pito para que las mujeres no lo vieran, soplé por el pene haciendo que la servilleta se moviera y todo.
Total que todo el mundo se quedó callado y mi mamá me vio con mala cara. Cambiaron el tema sin decir nada, y me hicieron pasar pena.
Malditos sean.
English versionClose
The other day I blew my penis on the table and people didn't like it
People are hypocritical, I know, but when said hypocrisy comes from no one less than your own family, then it not only hurts, but also gives you something to think about...
We live in a society so obstinate, cretinous, and ridiculously codified to the point of infinity, that we have to start meditating at least two, four or six times the things we say before saying them or what we do before doing it, well if no, then others take the liberty of taking slight offense to one, and perhaps not even out of personal conviction, but because they are purely absurd rules of society.
It turns out that I was born with a strange condition that few people have: I can blow through my member.
So after my cousin made a joke and everyone laughed, I wanted to do my thing. I called people's attention so they could see me, I unzipped my pants and, covering my dick so the women wouldn't see it, I blew through my penis making the napkin move and everything.
Total that everyone was silent and my mom looked at me with a bad face. They changed the subject without saying anything, and made me feel sorry for them.
Damn they are.
