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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

I rejected a CV from a candidate twice. He applied for the third time, and I called him for an interview.

    HR
    
    I rejected a CV from a candidate twice.
    
    He applied for the third time, and I called him for an interview.
    
    And guess what? We offered him a role right after the interview.
    
    Now, a year later, he has become the Team Leader and is performing excellently.
    
    The lesson I learned from this: do not always judge a person solely based on their CV.
    
    Sometimes, they are more than that one-page profile.
    
    Give a chance to candidates; they have energy and ideas more than you can think of.
    

    Hired a clown to perform but its actually a clown date

      Oh I can't believe it no one showed. Who's gonna eat all these oysters and drink all this champagne? I hate to see it go to waste. Why doncha join me clown? Feel free to take your big red nose off I keep it warm in here. You sure you don't want to take your big red nose off I could hang it on the rack. (What are you some kind of serious clown).... why don't you have some more booze clown? We'll revisit the big red nose after 2 bottles. I bet it will slide right off sexy easy. Give us a little peek of what's underneath. If its another nose I'm going to tickle your cheek with a rose and call you my little Russian nesting doll. If it's an ear or something instead I might need a few drinks myself. But I might still be into it as long as you keep the paint on. 

      My wife has a cardboard cutout of Henry Cavill

        My wife has a cardboard cutout of Henry Cavill from one of the Superman movies propped up in the corner of our bedroom. She's hot glued a dildo to whereabouts his penis would be, and it's a hefty dong that certainly puts some stress on the cardboard, and every night before bed, she'll gag on Henry's hubby club until she's begging me to pull her off for her own good because for some reason she thinks that sucking this faux cock is not cheating, but if she where to stand up, bend over, and, ya know, let Henry slide in and make another box office smash, then that would be cheating. Luckily, I work out almost as much as the real Henry does, so I'm able to wrestler her strong mouth away from the cutout and get her into bed where she can calm down. The whole nightly ordeal goes on for about 30 or so minutes, but she sleeps like a baby afterwards, so I can't complain too much. 

        My mommy was the town milk ma’am back in the day

          Mmm. Mhmm. You're not alone, that's for sure. It's almost a service to the people to have just wobbling jugs plump for slurpring, and I should know because I grew up around it.
          
          My mommy was the town milk ma'am back in the day. I don't think I appreciated it then, but thinking back, she worked so hard to provide for me and my other two or three brothers.
          
          Each morning, before the butt crack of dawn, she'd heave herself out of bed and put on her milking dress, ya know the kind, where the front just flips down to let a set of mondo chubber boobies hang out. And hey, nothing sexual, but she had the most powerfully plump and impressively enormous tatter tots, mama cha-chas and me and my two or three brothers suckled upon well into adulthood. Everyone did, really, seeing as how she was the town milk ma'am.
          
          Well, she'd get her dress on, and I'd hear her straining to put on her orthopedic boots and tighten her milk ma'am support corset (eventually, I'd have to help her to tighten it as she got older). Then it was down to the kitchen to throat 4, sometimes 12 or 16, sticks of full fat butter to nutritionate her milk. There were a lotta hungry people in that town, and she wanted to give them the best milk she could muster. She'd power squirt a cream stream and fill each of my and my two or three brothers' cereal bowls up, and sometimes she'd give us a suckle for the road, then be off.
          
          She had a route, of course, that took her all through the town and hit everyone when they needed to be hit all the while her massive breasts bounced and sloshed with every heavy step. It was graceful though! Everyone needed her milk and she made the delivery look easy. Hell, I'd say our town was scheduled around my mommy's titties. I went with her plenty of times (again, into old age when I had to wheel her around in a wheeler's chair), and it was just so heartwarming to see everyone so eager to see her.
          
          Greetings were short, and suckling was long. Each man, woman, and child in the town would lock their quivering lips around my mom's bright, domineering nipples and take deep, hard pulls of fresh, piping-hot, delicious breast milk. But no one was greedy! No one was greedy, no. They took their fill and were happy. Everyone in the town needed my mommy's milk, she was the town milk ma'am after all, and it was this collective attitude of "Love Thy Neighbor" that made everything run so smoothly. You don't really see that anymore, do ya?
          
          At the end of the days, long days, necessary days, loving days, she'd come home with her yams half deflated, her nipples red and throbbing, but with a huge smile on her face knowing what good she'd done for the people of our quaint little town. Me and my two or three brothers would ice down and then lotion up her worked over breasts as she laid in her recovery chair with the TV on. Often she'd fall asleep, exhausting as it was to be a milk ma'am, especially for an entire town. We'd watch her chest slowly rise and fall as she tenderly dreamed whatever dreams she dreamed. My two or three brothers always got a kick outta watching her melons ripen back up, plump up nice and juicy with more milk, as she rested. They laughed, sure, and it was a delightful to watch, but I was always filled with a sense of pride watching those boobies swell back up.
          
          She's been retired now for several years, though her tits don't show it. Even at nearly 80 years old, she's still got the juiciest baboingos I have ever seen. Well, haha, maybe I'm just a bit biased because she's my mommy. She was the best milk ma'am this town has ever had. They just don't make 'em like her anymore.
          
          Love ya, mommy.

          About 15 years ago, my ex and I were arguing about whether to get the 7 layer dip or guacamole at HEB in Austin.

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            byu/nfl from discussion
            insports
            About 15 years ago, my ex and I were arguing about whether to get the 7 layer dip or guacamole at HEB in Austin. I think it was a Saturday morning.
            
            Anyway, we sat there debating, hogging the area, when a voice behind us said "get the 7 layer dip, it already has guac in it." I turned around and saw it was Drew Brees. He's shorter than I thought he would be and he says "in fact pass me one of those dips."
            
            My ex saw that I was flabbergasted, so she handed him a 7 layer dip.
            
            I told him I was a big fan and him and LT won me a fantasy championship a few years prior. He laughed and said LT is the best before walking away.
            
            Anyway, this dude has good taste, that 7 layer dip was tasty as hell.

            I just saw a black guy listening to Not Like Us, Kendrick is truly what the culture is feeling

              I (57, white male) was recently taking a stroll down my neighbourhood when I suspiciously saw a group of high school girls listening to Drake (🤮) of all people, so being an loyal fan of Kung Fu Kenny I decided to scream "OV-HOE!!!!" at them and run away, they got angry at me and started chasing me! fearing that they might make me listen to Toosie Slide, I ran as fast as I could.
              
              While running from them I accidentally wandered into "the hood" that Kdot is always talking about. That is when my eyes truly opened to the genius that is Kendrick Lamar Duckworth, I saw a black gentlemen listening to Not Like Us, and tears fell down from my eyes as I finally realised the impact that Kendrick has made, he truly was what the culture was feeling.
              
              I went up to the fellow Kendrick enthusiast and saluted him for being on the right side of history. He was for some reason very confused as to why a crying man was saluting him so I decided to show him that I am indeed "certified" by rapping Not Like Us to him "WOP WOP WOP DOT FUCK EM UP" I shouted "WOP WOP WOP IMMA DO MY STUFF" I continued, "WHY YOU TROLLING LIKE A BITCH AINT YOU TIRED" I took a breath, "TRYNA STRIKE A CHORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINORRRRR" I exclaimed. Seeing my dedication towards the art of Kdot made the Kendrick fan realise I was one of "the good ones" and he invited me to the cookout! ✊🏻