Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

POV: You’re playing against the biggest idiot on Earth

Least insane Clash Royale player shares his POV when playing against you on Reddit.

GOBLIN BARREL ON THE TOWER RIGHT AT THE START! Haha, you weren't expecting that, were you? I'm so good at this game. I've thrown so many goblin barrels, and they always do damage. It's crazy. Now, THINK FAST, CHUCKLENUTS! Princess at your bridge! Haha, what are you going to do? Oh, arrows? Good thing I have GOBLIN GANG! Oh, you used a swarm card? Cool, here's my Firecracker. Oh, where are your arrows? You wasted them! Haha! I guess you can't use air cards now. Hey, guess what? Valkyrie! Yaaaaaayyyyy! Then, watch this cool trick I learned on Youtube: I put the Hog Rider behind her, so he pushes her really fast, and counters any swarms you might use to kill the Hog Rider! Yaaaaaaaayyy!!!! isn't that cool? I bet you can't counter that! Hey, look at this cool emote I just bought where the princess yawns at you! Isn't that funny? I only use that one when I do something really skillful. Hold on, let me cycle through these skeletons and this ice spirit so I can use the exact same cards in the exact same order in the exact same spots, again Yaaaaaaaayyyy!!! Mommy says I'm special! She makes me eat these funny candies, but I just spit them out cuz they taste yucky.

I win against these "people" all the time, and I never enjoy a single second. They follow a routine, and I follow my routine. Then, I win. I make logbait "players" ragequit all the time once they realize I can still counter their spam cards without my log or arrows. I do this crazy thing where I deploy troops that can actually survive and counter things. I have this crazy skill called "defense" where I can actually react to my opponent, instead of turning my brain off, spamming the same stuff nonstop, and forcing someone else to think for me.

i told him she was the cookiezi of beauty so he threw a punch at me

Lifeline (top player in osu!) tells a story on stream about that one time he was tryna flirt with this girl. He later revealed that the story is actually an old copypasta.

so i was tryna flirt with this girl during lunch and then her boyfriend came up and was like "why u talkin to my girl like that" and i told him she was the cookiezi of beauty so he threw a punch at me luckily it was ar8 so i could dodge it easy then i hit300 him and he flops down

on the ground but then he unlocks his mangekyo sharingan and and jumps up and does a roundhouse kick and it was like ar11 but luckily i can read that shit so i dodged it no problem then i combo him like im tapping a 200bpm stream.he gets fced on and hes now dead.dude got ssed.he should know not to mess with lifeline on osu, rank 2. the girl flocks to me and shes like "omg do u listen to nightcore" and i was like yes i do and then she makes out with me and we live happily ever after

I showed osu! to a girl at work

Originally from a post on r/osugame but has since become a meme and other variations of the pasta has been created.

Osu

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the osu!demons inside me told me 'say it, Comfortable-Chip-740, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play rhythm games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a Big Black SS that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Balatro

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the madness joker inside me told me 'say it, Narso, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play rogue-like games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a Perkeo Baron Mime naninf 5 hour run that I uploaded months ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Old School Runescape

I showed osrs to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the osrs demons inside me told me 'say it, Bwananabread, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play mmorpg games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a 500 invo ToA that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Guilty Gear

I showed Strive to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the GGST demons inside me told me 'say it, mini_tagus, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play fighting games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found my EVO 2025 grand finals match that I uploaded to YouTube a year ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Bloons TD 6

I showed BTD6 to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the BTD6 demons inside me told me 'say it, pinpunch, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play tower defense games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found my CHIMPS bloody puddles completion that I uploaded to YouTube a year ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Geometry Dash

I showed Geometry Dash to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the GD demons inside me told me 'say it, ComicalSans1, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play rhythm games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a Blood Bath 100% that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'Geometry Dash isn't a rhythm game you idiot' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Brawl Stars

I showed Brawl Stars to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah... nahh not really"

So the brawl stars demons inside me told me to 'say it, mRigged, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play Supercell games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess, so I quickly found a Power League Mortis Solo carry video that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool...!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyways I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely.

Hypixel Skyblock

I showed skyblock to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the skyblock demons inside me told me 'say it, ecylios, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play on hypixel skyblock, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a sub 4 f7 s+ run that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Chess

I showed chess to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play board games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the chess demons inside me told me 'say it, sokuto_desu, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play chess, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a match that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Steins Gate

I showed Steins;Gate to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you watch anime?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the S;G demons inside me told me 'say it, sokuto_desu, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I watch Steins;Gate, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found an episode that I watched years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Class of ’09

I showed Class of '09 to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the '09 demons inside me told me 'say it, UzumakiMadeIt, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play Class of '09, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a playthrough of that one route with the pedo that I uploaded years ago, and she watched the full video in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

War Thunder

I showed War Thunder to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the snail inside me told me 'say it, Romanian dude, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play war games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found the vid where an L3 gets brutally murdered, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Five Nights at Freddy

I showed Five Nights at Freddy’s to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the bear inside me told me 'say it, animdude, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play horror games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found the vid where the bite of 87 happens, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

Splat rat

Me and some friends got high and went out. We found a fat looking rat and we picked him up. We played with him and made him dance. After we were done with him I threw him against a fucking wall and he exploded. I love rats and I would never hurt one. Xanax made me throw a rat. So in his memory im gonna write a song called "splat rat"

R.I.P. splat rat😔🕊

Update: I will share the song once its done

Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.

Its a fake story of Elon Musk grabbing someone’s balls and talking about colonizing Mars with men with big balls. Apparently, you will get a warning for sexualized harassment if you repost this copypasta in Reddit.

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Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.

I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.

I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.

His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.

He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.

He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.

I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have joined NASA

Armie Hammer – “I tried hooking up with a dude one time”

I tried hooking up with a dude one time. It was hilarious... Because I was like, you know what? Like, women are the worst. Gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy. I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s, like, Grindr, and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys. I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’ I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave! Like, this thing is f*cking rough. Like, how do I get in there? I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’ It did physically for me absolutely nothing. Nothing, like, not even a twitch. He reached for my d**k and I responded, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.’

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