Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
My roommate keeps fucking his bed. How do I approach this?
I honestly don’t know how else to put it.
So for context, my roommate warned me that he “sometimes sleeptalked” at night, but I had gotten extremely unlucky with my first two roommates… they were absolutely terrible. Inconsiderate, spoiled, and disgusting. Therefore, a clean, tidy, hygienic roommate sounded great and I thought that a little sleeptalking wouldn’t hurt anyone.
The sleeptalking I can handle. The sleepfucking, on the other hand, I cannot handle. For clarification, the “sleeptalking” went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room.
This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning (it’s currently 4:30 and he’s just woken me up after rawdogging his mattress again). It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.
The other disturbing part is that he calls out names. He is currently single, and unfortunately, we have the same friend group. So occasionally, I’ll hear one of their names moaned out in the middle of the night. Here’s what woke me up half an hour ago.
squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak “uuuunghhhhhh Lauren” squeak squeak “oh fuck yeah” squeak
It only stops when 1: he climaxes. 2: he fucks the bed so violently that he bounces his himself up the bed and hits his head on the wall.
I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.) I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time. How should I approach this?
I met this girl at a bar and we went back to my place. We were both pretty drunk and horny, and she asked if I wanted to fuck. I obviously said yes, and I couldn’t wait to try her big fat cock, but when I pulled down her panties, there was nothing there! It was just a squishy wet hole. I asked her where her schlong was, and she told me “Girls don’t have schlongs!” I was so fucking confused. Please help me!
>Be me
>Be 16
>New school, introduced to class
>Meet guy who is an asshole, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me
>Be alpha and resist
>Don't make many friends, don't need them
>Notice Shitgut bullies other kids
>Decide to fuck him up
>Figure where his locker is
>Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO
>Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that fuck, making sure I don't get caught
>Map out where he is at any time, at all times
>Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple
>On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody
>He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares
>Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room
>People think he's making it up
>Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes
>Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple
>His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple
>He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore
>Figure out where they keep his home's spare key
>Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work
>Leave a pineapple on his bed
>Hear he's failing classes
>His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that shit >Send him a fucking pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore
>Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for shits and giggles now >Bombard that fuck with random pineapples every few weeks for two fucking years >School year ends, finish school
>Go to college like a boss
>Come back home for the holidays
>Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut.
>Someone had left a fucking pineapple on the beer shelf
>first day of college
>walk into Computer Science 101 class
>look around, normie MacBooks and pleb laptops abound
>reach into backpack
>summon up all my strength
>powerlift my gaming laptop onto the desk
>catch my breathe for a moment
>reach into my backpack again
>once again summon my strength
>pull out the charging cable (the laptop only lasts 5 minutes without a charge)
>drop it onto the desk, a loud THUMP echoes throughout the classroom and into the hallways >the classroom is now staring in awe of the monster I've just unleashed
>plug the cable in, sparks fly as though Zeus himself blessed the connection
>classmates look on in horror as I open the laptop >as I hover my finger towards the power button, some students begin trying to escape the room >but there is no escape
>press the power button
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I was obsessed by FIFA 13 and had played Barcelona during seasons. I had faced someone and lost the game, although I had 100 shots on goal. The guy had only one. I got so mad.
The same night I had sex with a girl. While she was on top of me, I'm having pictures in my head of Messi missing an open goal, and I react by fucking her harder, in the hope of having those pictures disappear. I just can't let go of that game. The images return, and I literally whisper "fucking bitch, do your job" and spanks her.. I didn't whisper loudly but it was enough for her to hear it..
She stopped and got super mad. I tried to explain that it was Messis fault and that my 3-4-1-2 formation allows him a lot of creative freedom and that he always scores.. She understood nothing and was still mad. I had to go down on her for 30 minutes to make her happy. That's when I knew that it was a mistake to play FIFA before fucking.
Thanks a lot Messi.
This happened on on of the hottest days of the year. I walked into school in shorts (because it was way too warm) and because of that I got a detention even though they allow skirts for the girls. So the next day I put on a school skirt (don't ask how I own one) and from the second I arrived everyone starred at me (including the guys) and instantly one of the teachers came up to me and said" what are you wearing?!?!!??" And so i explained to her and she surprisingly agreed that the school should have shorts so she let me get to class. On my way there a younger student who was behind me said "nice as" and slapped it! So I turned around and he screamed (he thought / was a female) during class this one guy came up to me and said "meet me at the end of the hallway after class to fck" which was honestly disgusting
He never showed up.
And the school never allowed shorts
