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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


BFDI has taken over my sons life

    Battle For Dream Island copypasta
    BFDI has taken over my sons life, I need someone here to help me, it started off pretty small, he told me he was into this series called Battle for Dream Island.i looked it over, seemed nice. That was 5 years ago, now my son has locked himself inside his room, using a pile of BFDI plushies to guard me from opening it. When he comes out (The 1 time he does a week) he carries 5 bottles of empty soda pop filled with human waste and empty bags of food and throws them away. He will not speak to me, and will not leave the house, only will watch BFDI. I've tried it all, but he seems to find a way to watch it. I tired killing the WiFi but he payed someone in yoyleberries to let him have his, so he has his own wifi source, and trying to take away his PC causes him to go into a fit of terror, where he'll scream " CAKE AT STAKE" until he gets it back please someone tell me how I stop this. I've tried doing a thing I call "Good Contestant Money" where I give him Money when he does good things, like come out of his room, or doesn't use more then 20+ hours of wifi a day but it only works so much please someone tell me how I can get my son back, I miss that boy, he's 37 now, and needs a job

    I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store

      Ryan Gosling at grocery store meme
      I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
      
      He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
      
      I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
      
      The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
      
      When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

      Build your own ‘I saw X at the grocery store‘ meme!

      I used to work at an abortion clinic

        It would be a shame if this crash ProLifeWhistleBlower website...
        I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
        
        • ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight
        
        • ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor
        
        • ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name)
        
        • ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns
        
        • ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man
        
        • ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life"
        
        • ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos
        
        • ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy)
        
        • ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
        • ⁠Sometimes the doctors would play "abortion roulette" where they'd grab a random baby from the waiting room and abort it just for fun
        
        • ⁠There was this one patient who came in and said "I want an abortion but I don't want to get my period" and the doctor said "we can do that" and he put a rubber band around her cervix so her period would just go backwards into her body and she died
        
        • ⁠The clinic was right next to an Olive Garden and one day the manager of the Olive Garden came in and said "I'm here to talk to you about your music" and the doctor said "what music" and the guy said "the music that's been blaring from your clinic all day and night, it's really disrupting our customers" and the doctor said "oh, that's just the screams of the dying babies" and the guy said "can you turn it down a little" and the doctor said "sure" and he turned up the volume
        
        • ⁠We once had a woman come in who was pregnant with quadruplets, and the doctor said "well, we can't very well abort just three of them can we" and so he aborted all four of them
        
        • ⁠We had this one patient who came in and she had an abortion and she was really happy and she was like "I feel so much lighter now" and she floated up to the ceiling and we had to get a ladder to get her down

        My god my cock is just so Fucking Huge

          Another day of being in complete awe of my endowment, at my size. My god, my bulge, it's undeniably huge.
          
          I caught a look at myself in the mirror and had to stop and marvel at my size. I am absolutely huge. My dick looks like an alien mothership. My god I'm getting rock hard just thinking about it. I'm literally nearly tipping over the desk I'm sitting in as I write this from my massive shaft forcing its way up. Anyway sometimes I swear my dio09dd09 90dalkds kj9 whoa almost lost the keyboard what I was saying is that my dick will get a mind of its own and just have its way. I was once having sex with this girl and as I thrust my throbbing cock into her I essentially catapulted her as my shaft goes from 120 degrees to 20 in about 0.000012 seconds and she flew 10 ft into the air and hit her head on the ceiling. God. My cock is just so fucking huge my god it's massive. Just this absolutely throbbing massive dick. I woke up this morning and I looked down and it was like mount everest in the form of bedsheets front of me. Rock solid. I just marveled at my cock. I am turned on by my own size and I love every fucking minute of it. I'm fucking huge and I love it. My size. My size. My endowment.
          
          One time I was at a bar with a girl and everyone could see the outline of my shaft in my pants and everyone was trying to awkwardly look away until one guy said "whoa Mr BigDick coming through" and everyone laughed and 2 guys patted me on the back. I could tell the girls in the bar who had boyfriends were envious of me and one guy looked defeated as I passed by him and made him look like a minature ken doll dwarfed by my gigantic cock. I feel bad for them honestly having to be compared to my endowment. Later that week I went back and all the girls were sitting in a corner eyeing me and my bulge and the girl I was with said she told them all about my size and that's all they could think about. They knew and knew I knew and I knew they knew I knew about what was going on and I firmly told them it was no big deal and they all squealed and went wild one of them even fainted.
          
          Also, I just want to remind everyone who has a massive dick....don't ever take a picture of it because it will make nearly all men on earth feel inferior to you and give unrealistic expectations to girls and guys everywhere. I took a picture of my dick once and apparently it was shared by everyone on earth because later I went into the Smithsonian and saw a picture of it and it was labeled as the most impossibly perfect dick to ever grace the universe and two men were on their knees worshipping it while another man was in the fetal position whimpering. One time too I was on discord and a guy named "BigDick99999" had my dick pic as his profile pic. I won't lie, it was a bit of a confidence boost.
          
          Later in the bathroom there was only one urinal in the middle and two guys and when I whipped it out they both enviously glanced at my endowment endowment endowment endowment and one of them said I thought they didn't allow horses in here and the other guy gulped loudly. He then, blushing, bashfully said that my wife is very lucky and must be very happy.
          
          The first time I realized I was well endowed and my size was consierable was when my mom was driving and lost control of the car in the snow and when she went to grab the clutch my huge donger was ocuppying the dashboard (due to its demanding size) and she said "I want you to wear tighter pants from now on."
          
          There are downsides though. This one girl said she could handle me as we were discussing dick size in my apartment. After I told her my size she said I would be the biggest. Then she said she could handle me anyway. Well let me tell you 2 hours later (somewhat related, all the magnum XXXLLLL condoms ripped as usual) in the ER proved her wrong. It was an awkward conversation with the hospital staff and I could tell everyone was uncomfortable but also clearly impressed as my size was creating a bulge, a huge bulge with purpose, from my endowment. Finally a doctor blurted out that I was the biggest he's ever seen and he has seen 1000s a day but none as big as mine. I had to go to the bathroom later but just looking at the toilet there's no way it would have been able to handle my size. My endowment.

          I had sex with my aunt…..

            I've been holding this in for a while.. Idk who’ll see this but PLEASE don’t get yourself into the situation I’m in!!! My bday had just recently passed, and I had a huge birthday party. A bunch of friends and family came. It was my 19th birthday, not 21 yet, but I still partied like a true adult. My aunt usually cooks at family events (She’s an amazing cook), so me, being completely blind to what was to come, asked her to make me a pan of THC brownies while me and my cousin (her son) went out to grab drinks and get haircuts for the party. We finished doing what we had to do and headed home for the party. I got out of the car, my aunt hugged me and said “happy birthday my handsome nephew”. At the moment I think nothing of it, I’m just ready to eat my Eddie’s and party😂.
            Long story short… Party starts and I’m ZOOTED AS FUCKKK… Like crazy high… The brownies were good as HELL and I didn’t instantly get high so I thought they wouldn’t work and ate 4 pieces. My aunt came around and offered me a shot. At first I refused because I didn’t want to be too fucked up, but I was already home and didn’t have to drive anywhere, so I said fuck it, I took the shots.. That’s what did it, NO LIE. I only remember sitting down at the kitchen table…. Next thing you know, I’m having unprotected sex with my aunt… She recently told me she was PREGNANT… Her husband has been in prison for over a year and is set to be released next month😟… I want her to get an abortion, but I also don’t want to her to kill my cousins sibling… Someone please PM ME PLEASE🙏🏻. I need someone to talk to IDK WHAT TO DO PLS HELP! Pray for me pls man

            SR-71 Blackbird: Speed Check

              SR-71 famous speed check story
              There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment.
              
              It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.
              
              I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn’t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury.
              
              Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace.
              
              We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: “November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground.”
              
              Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the ” Houston Center voice.” I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country’s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houston controllers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that, and that they basically did. And it didn’t matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios.
              
              Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his ground speed. “I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed.” Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. “Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check”. Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: “Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground.”
              
              And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done – in mere seconds we’ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn.
              
              Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: “Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?” There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. “Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground.”
              
              I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: “Ah, Center, much thanks, we’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money.”
              
              For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the Houston Center voice, when L.A.came back with, “Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one.”
              
              It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day’s work. We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.
              
              For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there.