Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I have an autistic shut-in girlfriend. It's great.
She has no friends. Zero. She wears no makeup. She spends her free time writing erotic fanfiction and other teenage girl crap even though she's close to 30 now.
She's attracted to vampires and werewolves and dragons and weird stuff like that. This is another reason I know she'll never leave me unless I abuse her or give her an actual REASON to. She's not attracted to humans.
She let me fuck her whenever I want because she loves and cares about me and because she enjoys the physical act of sex but she fantasizes that I'm something else other than human when I fuck her. I don't mind. Whatever makes her happy.
I'm aware of how this relationship sounds but she's assured me that she wants to be with me. I've told her that she doesn't have to have sex with me in order to stay with me but she wants to. We sleep in separate bedrooms because she wants her own space and I can't stand sleeping with someone.
Our relationship is weird but it works. To be honest I don't like women. I don't hate them but I just don't find them appealing or interesting at all. My girlfriend doesn't look or act like a woman though which is great for me. She owns 4 pairs of shoes (one for summer, one for winter, and a spare of each).
She's like a shut-in bro who shares most of my hobbies and interests, one of them being sex. I really can't imagine a better relationship.
So my girl is applying ED to Cornell University this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Cornell trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Cornell!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Cornell!
I asked her about it after and told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
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UC Berkeley
So my girl is applying to UC Berkeley this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Berkeley trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Berkeley!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Berkeley!
I asked her about it after and she told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
UC Illinois
My gf screamed “Illinois” instead of my name in bed?
So my girl is applying to UIUC this year and has been talking about it nonstop for weeks. She’s been wanting this for as long as she’s known the school and mentions it anytime we’re together.
I’m totally cool with that and have supported her through it all. She definitely has the stats to get in so I’m proud of her, but its an insane obsession now. She’s visited the school about 6 times and says how much she loves everything about the school and I mean EVERYTHING.
The campus, programs, people, architecture, history, traditions, colors, mascot, shape, smell?
She literally knows everything about the school and does Illinois trivia with me when we’re bored or asks me to help her write emails to professors she thinks she’ll have next year to tell them how much she “loves” their work.
Last night we were doing it in bed, and everything was going smoothly. While she talked me through it I thought I heard her mumbling but couldn’t really make out what she was saying. But at the end she screamed “Illinois!” and calling it baby and was saying how much she wanted it so bad and would do anything for it. Instead of my name! She said Illinois!
I asked her about it after and she told me it didn’t mean anything and just kept rambling about how much she really wants the school. It doesn’t even sound like she’s talking about a school anymore.
I know she’s stressed because of it, but I’m kind of hurt? Is this normal?
My roommate keeps fucking his bed. How do I approach this?
I honestly don’t know how else to put it.
So for context, my roommate warned me that he “sometimes sleeptalked” at night, but I had gotten extremely unlucky with my first two roommates… they were absolutely terrible. Inconsiderate, spoiled, and disgusting. Therefore, a clean, tidy, hygienic roommate sounded great and I thought that a little sleeptalking wouldn’t hurt anyone.
The sleeptalking I can handle. The sleepfucking, on the other hand, I cannot handle. For clarification, the “sleeptalking” went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room.
This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning (it’s currently 4:30 and he’s just woken me up after rawdogging his mattress again). It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.
The other disturbing part is that he calls out names. He is currently single, and unfortunately, we have the same friend group. So occasionally, I’ll hear one of their names moaned out in the middle of the night. Here’s what woke me up half an hour ago.
squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak “uuuunghhhhhh Lauren” squeak squeak “oh fuck yeah” squeak
It only stops when 1: he climaxes. 2: he fucks the bed so violently that he bounces his himself up the bed and hits his head on the wall.
I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.) I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time. How should I approach this?
I met this girl at a bar and we went back to my place. We were both pretty drunk and horny, and she asked if I wanted to fuck. I obviously said yes, and I couldn’t wait to try her big fat cock, but when I pulled down her panties, there was nothing there! It was just a squishy wet hole. I asked her where her schlong was, and she told me “Girls don’t have schlongs!” I was so fucking confused. Please help me!
>Be me
>Be 16
>New school, introduced to class
>Meet guy who is an asshole, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me
>Be alpha and resist
>Don't make many friends, don't need them
>Notice Shitgut bullies other kids
>Decide to fuck him up
>Figure where his locker is
>Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO
>Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that fuck, making sure I don't get caught
>Map out where he is at any time, at all times
>Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple
>On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody
>He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares
>Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room
>People think he's making it up
>Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes
>Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple
>His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple
>He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore
>Figure out where they keep his home's spare key
>Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work
>Leave a pineapple on his bed
>Hear he's failing classes
>His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that shit >Send him a fucking pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore
>Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for shits and giggles now >Bombard that fuck with random pineapples every few weeks for two fucking years >School year ends, finish school
>Go to college like a boss
>Come back home for the holidays
>Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut.
>Someone had left a fucking pineapple on the beer shelf
>first day of college
>walk into Computer Science 101 class
>look around, normie MacBooks and pleb laptops abound
>reach into backpack
>summon up all my strength
>powerlift my gaming laptop onto the desk
>catch my breathe for a moment
>reach into my backpack again
>once again summon my strength
>pull out the charging cable (the laptop only lasts 5 minutes without a charge)
>drop it onto the desk, a loud THUMP echoes throughout the classroom and into the hallways >the classroom is now staring in awe of the monster I've just unleashed
>plug the cable in, sparks fly as though Zeus himself blessed the connection
>classmates look on in horror as I open the laptop >as I hover my finger towards the power button, some students begin trying to escape the room >but there is no escape
>press the power button
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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