Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
SO THAT WAS YOU!!!
I was all set on having a nice quiet dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our first year together...
I’d bought some fresh tomatoes to make my homemade pasta sauce, and I’d gone to the small boutique bakery to buy some filo pastry for dessert. I was quietly going through the recipes in my mind when I heard your slurred grumbled announcement, “...You’re about to loot my balls...” I tried to ignore it but, I couldn’t ignore the furious grunting like a drunk man having a seizure. As I looked up I could see the fury in the other commuters eyes. A man looking like a professor had stood up and was about to reproach you when the dull clatter of your phoned on the train car floor seemed seemed to pause all movement in the carriage. The professors eyes widened, sweat suddenly beaded on his forehead and with fevered anguish he started undoing his belt and fly like a man who thought a hornet was caught in his pants.
I was bewildered as all the other men in the car started convulsing like extras in Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. A woman sat across from me was doing her best to emulate a Russian gymnast trying to grate cheese from her crotch with the sole of her Nike running shoe.
I bolted upright, panicked but prepared to fight, when in the corner of my eye the neon glow of your phones LCD screen drew me sight.
I suddenly felt a bizarre euphoria fill my mind and a white hot heat electrify my spine and form a prism of pure desperate release in my loins.
I can’t remember much else, I awoke from some kind of fever dream in a public toilet cubicle. My jeans and underwear had disappeared, but I was still wearing my Myrell slip ons, shirt and now crusted overcoat, like a cross between Donald Duck and a homeless student.
I can hear another man weeping in the cubicle, keeps muttering he just wanted to fly.
I feel so cold and drained. My organ is so mangled it could unpick the locks of wooden medieval doors. There’s filo pastry all over my thighs and knees.
But despite all this I feel a warm contentment like I’d found ‘the’ answer. I don’t know what this means, I know there will be questions, that there should be much to fear. But truly I am grateful. Thank you.
ive been crying in my room for 2 hours now. I was making some salad dressing in the kitchen with my pet hamster manny (I let him roam around). My sister and her friends were also in there doing something. I spilled a bottle of vinegar, so I left to get a towel and when i came back manny was drinking it. I didnt think anything of it so I let him help me clean it up. all of the sudden manny starts acting really weird. hes normally very full of energy but he was just sitting still. Everyone gathered around him to try to figure out what was wrong. suddenly we hear a fizzling noise coming from inside manny and he started expanding. he let out a final squeak and bursted. bubbles and blood went everywhere. my sister and her friends started screaming and crying. I ran and got my dad and he cleaned it up. we looked in the pantry and apparently manny got into the baking soda and ate abunch of it. I think im traumatized now
I don't smoke, vape, or do any drugs other than what the doctor gives me. Still got the ol' V-card too. Heck, my rizz levels are probably in the negatives as I haven't even had my first romantic kiss, let alone held hands in a romantic context. I also get okay grades in school so overall, no issues here, right?
However...
I just had to go and turn out fucking trans and apparently my parents aren't happy with my existence all because I'm not the gender they picked out for me.
In gamer terms, I guess I'm basically trying to customize my skin because I hate the default one assigned at spawn, but the mods don't care and they say I gotta play using the default skin anyway no matter how much I dislike it. Being mods they also notice when I try using cheat codes to get around the rules. The whole thing is a load of BS honestly.
i knew a guy like this. this is gonna sound fake but i swear on my life it's real. as a teenager, he would play world of warcraft for days at a time with minimal breaks except the required stuff (food, water, bathroom). well, even the bathroom sometimes got nixed so he could keep playing wow. instead of getting up to shit, he would literally shit himself so that he could finish whatever dungeon or quest he was on and then go clean up later. he did this for years but eventually grew out of it when he was bullied for it in high school, so bullies 1 gamer shitters 0, i guess.
so anyway, he would wipe this chair down as best he could, but it was a cloth office chair and it legitimately looked like these seats in the OP. just a brown asscrack shaped silhouette. you can be wearing pants, but the shit moisture is gonna seep right through. it's important to remember the diet of these people has them in a perpetual state of diarrhea or at best, soft-serve. there aren't solid, healthy turds coming out. there is a half gallon of mud in those trousers. that will seep through even the most tightly woven fabrics. these pant shitters should really consider investing in leather pants, or perhaps just fully commit to diapers?
So there I am, eating my lunch playing gd when a group of females come up to me, obviously trying to flirt with me, talking about what my hardest is or something. They eventually stopped talking to me though for some reason as soon as I started demonstrating my clearly superior skill and intellect at the game (I don't see why honestly).
This has not been an isolated incident, for the past several weeks at my middle school every woman has tried to court me. I've even gone as far as to sit in the most isolated part of the lunch room away from everywhere else and put my stuff to block anyone sitting next to me, but an asian girl (5/10 imo) literally moved my stuff and started talking to me about how difficult Acu is. Listen, I don't care about your "difficult" levels, Acu is FAR from a challenge. I don't struggle on levels. and after repeatedly demonstrating that I was not interested in "Playing Pickle Chamber by Acratic" she finally left me alone. I wish these girls would just stop worshiping me just because I've done a main list level (which was not even remotely hard for me btw).
The worst ones are the ones that don't even play gd. We'll be having a nice, normal conversation and the topic of what games I play comes up. As soon as I mention the letters "GD" I see the change immediately. The blushing and flustering, the clear advances, and so on. What makes a lowly non-gd player think they would EVER have a chance with me? What makes them think I would ever have a family that considers Touhou a rhythm "game" worth playing?
Now, you may think I'm just extremely handsome (which I am) and that's what causes this, however my decently attractive acquaintances who play OSU (not smart enough to be considered friends imo) have no problems with this.
People need to stop fetishizing us GD players. If you just want cheap sex, literally the Minecraft normies are right there. Anyone else agree?
Why I Will Never Use Linux Again
here is what happened when i installed linux for the first, and hopefully last time. i tried installing it and it didn't go well, so i did what any right-minded person would do and went back to windows. when i was walking home from work that night, Linus Turdvault suddenly approached me. he cornered me in an alley and told me to give him all of my lunch money. i was saving that money to buy Bloomberry Ice Cream tomorrow. so i told the creep to back off, and he called me a normie. then he blew on his viking war horn, prompting all of his fat ugly little penguin minions to corner me and start punching me in the stomach. i begged and pleaded for them to stop but every time they would just chant "user root is not allowed to execute" in unison. it was literally bone-chilling.
i blacked out. when i woke up my galaxy z fold 5 was on the ground in pieces, my 80 dollars was gone from my wallet and the words "skill issue" were written on the pavement in my own blood
pls share to spread awareness
