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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Trayon White just threatened me in my building gym

    Started from a post on the r/washingtondc subreddit, it has since became a meme and copypasta of Trayon White.

    Sorry I need a place to vent.

Trayon’s in my building gym today playing ball. I saw him and told him I saw him parking illegally here a few times and not to put yourself above the law. He started talking about how there’s no parking (take the metro clown). He got defensive so I asked him to tell the Rothschilds to keep the weather nice

He told me don’t play with him and that he’ll get back at guys that play with him, then called up his goon who came and stared at me while I was working out. Walked over to the goon and he got mad at me for walking up to him as I was taking headphones out asking if he had something to say.

Trayons a fucking clown. Ward 8 deserves better

    Trayon White at a grocery store

    I saw Trayon White at a grocery store in Georgetown yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

    Furries in school

      So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, and this is hilarious.  😂. Imagine if you can, that one of my boys told me they thought they were a cat?
Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat! 
Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “
My son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!”
Dad: 🤔 “OK!! “
My son: “Hey, where’s my supper? “
Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!”
My son: “What???”
Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!”
My son in the corner looking bewildered! 
Me to my wife : “Is that cat neutered”?? 
My wife: “I will make an appointment!! “
My son: “What??? “ 😳 
Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!”
My son: “What???”
Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!”
My son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!”
Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!”
Spay and neuter these animals. Stop them from reproducing.  Today’s society has enough fruit loops already.    
End of story!

      Reminds me of the time where I was haunted by centipedes

        The ‘Haunted by centipede‘ copypasta came from a comment on Reddit where a user reveals his trauma of centipede before ending the story with being edge.

        i fucking clicked on this fic faster than usains ass when i saw this update which reminds me of the time where i was haunted by centipedes when i was younger because i thought it would be funny to bURN A CENTIPEDE ALIVE when i was 14 because i was a little fuckwad but anyways that ugly creepy little fucker deserved the horrible death i gave it i even recorded it and sent it to all my friends who probably think back to that moment and wonder why the hell anyone would ever do that but i wanted to be special and shit and assert my dominance over everyone by burning a 2 inch centipede alive. but i actually hate centipedes because they remind me of my dads pet centipede he would keep in his house because my dad liked things with a bunch of legs but he was a shit caretaker so the centipede got out of its cage bcs my dad is an idiot and i was sleeping one day as a tiny little 7th grader and i feel something crawl up my hand and it's my dads fucking centipede who he named dorito because it was orange which might be the worst part bcs what kind of grown ass adult names their pet centipede dorito. anyways i screamed and my dad put her back in her cage but that was my last straw and i told my dad i wanted to stop going to his place and live with my mom which might seem like an overreaction but this fucking centipede was giant and i was crying so hard i puked. after i burned the centipede i realized i was actually the king of centipedes because everywhere i looked there would be centipedes which reminds of the time where i was alone at home trying to code this website for my schools charity drive and i wanted to go take a shit but while i was going up the stairs I SAW A CENTIPEDE ON THE WALL and i screeched so loud because this fucker was so big and i just want to let you know that house centipedes are 169300x more scary than regular centipedes bcs house centipedes have legs that fan out and that shit is the type of stuff you see in horror movies also have you seen the shining? you know that one scene where that furry sucks that man off? that traumatized me as a kid. anyways back to the centipedes i didn't really do anything but i had gathered up the courage to try and catch the centipede but i realized it was bathing and i felt kinda bad because i felt like a pervert for watching it bathe but i decided to wait for it to stop bathing but after that it started running and damn that centipede is a runner he a track star and i soon realized i was totally outmatched. i couldn't sleep for days after that. after that all my occurrences with centipedes were at my dads house where i kept having these frisky occurrences with them and one time there was a centipede right outside my door and i made my dad kill it and i was crying so hard and he told me stop being such a pussy but then he looked at the centipede and his face went white as a sheet bcs this house centipede wasnt 2 inches long, it wasn't 3 inches, it wasn't even 4 inches long. IT WAS 5 INCHES LONG which is actually crazy because i just googled it and that's literally impossible but i know what i fucking saw this centipede came right out of my nightmares like my nipples were so hard they could cut diamonds and my asshole was clenched like my life depended on it anyways my dad looked at me and i could see him debating whether or not to just leave me here but i told him not be a fucking pussy and that a grown ass man shouldn't be afraid of some centipede and plus weren't centipedes literally his thing? but anyways turns out he's ass in every way bcs he ripped 3 of the centipedes legs off and it got away and he looked and he was like aight lil bro ur just gonna have to deal bcs i can't catch this fucker and then he went to bed but i was like FUCK no so i snuck out of window and i ran to my moms house which was 3 miles away. my second encounter was when i was getting water for myself and i felt something on my foot and i look down it's this kind of smallish centipede just crawling on my foot violating me and i was like GET FUCKED because hell nah and i picked the centipede up by one of its antennae bcs it was tiny and i wasn't scared of no tiny centipede and i flushed it down the toilet and i had officially asserted my dominance over centipedes i was so proud of myself i could die. anyways i love your fic it reminds of the feeling when u really want to cum but you have to piss so you're just being edged by your own bladder this a compliment btw i love being edged

        Doritos Dew it right ERROR! Please drink a verification can

          ‘Doritos Dew it right!’ started as a 4chan post in 2013 describing our dystopian future ruled by corporations and ads. The copypasta has since became more popular due to the prevalence of ads in the internet and social media.

          -2018

-wake up feeling sick after a late night of playing video games

-excited to play some halo 2k19

-"xbox on"

-...

-"XBOX ON"

-"Please verify that you are "annon332" by saying "Doritos™ Dew™ it right!"

-"Doritos™ Dew™ it right"

-"ERROR! Please drink a verification can"

-reach into my Doritos™ Mountain Dew™ Halo 2k19™ War Chest

-only a few cans left, needed to verify 14 times last night

-still feeling sick from the 14

-force it down and grumble out "mmmm that really hit the spot"

-xbox does nothing

-i attempt to smile

-"Connecting to verification server"

-...

-"Verification complete!"

-finally

-boot up halo 2k19

-finding multiplayer match...

-"ERROR! User attempting to steal online gameplay!"

-my mother just walked in the room

-"Adding another user to your pass, this will be charged to your credit card. Do you accept?"

-"NO!"

-"Console entering lock state!"

-"to unlock drink verification can"

-last can

-"WARNING, OUT OF VERIFICATION CANS, an order has been shipped and charged to your credit card"

-drink half the can, oh god im going to be sick

-pour the last half out the window

-"PIRACY DETECTED! PLEASE COMPLETE THIS ADVERTISEMENT TO CONTINUE"

-the mountain dew ad plays

-i have to dance for it -feeling so sick

-makes me sing along

-dancing and singing

-"mountain dew is for me and you"

-throw up on my self

-throw up on my tv and entertainment system

-router shorts

-"ERROR NO CONNECTION! XBOX SHUTTING OFF"

-"PLEASE DRINK VERIFICATION CAN TO CONTINUE"

          I once drank a whole gallon of milk in a whole day and I could feel my bones expand

            I once drank a whole gallon of milk in a whole day and I could feel my bones expand. At first I thought I was just full from the milk, but my skin started to form stretch marks and I was visibly wider. I didn't know what was happening but I had an uncontrollable urge to drink more milk. I drove into the nearest gas station and literally ripped the door off the rifrigerated section containing the milk.

I started chugging gallon after gallon of milk standing right there in the store, my skin ripping at the seams. The cashier ran over to stop me but I swatted him aside and in one clean blow he landed across the room, shattering every bone in his pathetic meat suit. There was nothing left of him but a wet bloody puddle deprived of structure. I never thought I had it in me to kill but by now I had ascended beyond petty morality.

As I finished my eighth gallon it felt as though my stomach would rupture. My ribs broke out of my chest like a baby xxenomorph. My finger bones had grown through my hands a white nub could be seen protruding from my nose. My face was so stretched over my now massive skull I looked like Jenny McCarthy. My biceps and muscles were hard and calcified. My boner now had a bone.

I finished my twelfth gallon and began screaming and flexing, my skin tearing around my robust skeletal frame. With one final push I shed my meat chrysalis. I was free.

I didn't even use the door I simply walked out the wall of the gas station. Mortar and stone yielded to my mighty calcium. The cops were already there. In terror they began firing at me but even lead is no match for calcium. I walked straight toward one, reached down his throat and pulled his skeleton from his flesh sheath. With his bone I assembled a mighty claymore sword. With a single swing I cleaved the Earth in twain and descended into the inky black. Here I wait until the time I'm called into service for the great skellington war.

            I just had sex with an Android user! What do I do now?

              I met this cool guy at a bar. He seemed really into me and we hit it off right away. We exchanged numbers and he invited me back to his place. I thought, why not? We got there and he was already in bed, his phone charging next to him. I climbed in, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing, but he was so insistent. We had sex, it was amazing, and then I passed out.

When I woke up, I saw his phone on the nightstand and decided to take a look, but there's no apple logo there! That's when I realized he was an Android user. I felt a wave of regret wash over me. I don't know why, but I just can't be with someone who uses Android. It's not that I hate them or anything, it's just that I've always been more of an iPhone girl.

Now, I'm trying to decide what to do. Do I just pretend like nothing happened and leave? Do I confront him about it? Or do I try to make things work despite our differences? I mean, we had amazing sex, and he seemed really into me. Maybe I could change his mind about Android?