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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Tragedy of Helldiver Reynold The Bold

    Based on the original ‘Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise‘ which was an iconic scene from Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.

    Did you ever hear the tragedy of Helldiver Reynold The Bold? I thought not. It’s not a story the Skull Admiral would tell you. It’s a Helldiver legend. Helldiver Reynold was a super citizen turned automaton sympathizer, so powerful and so experienced he could use the 500KG bomb to destroy Fabricators and Bug nest. He had such influence on the citizens of super earth he could recruit so many Helldivers that democracy would always prevail. Communism is a pathway to many anti-democratic thoughts some consider to be unnatural. He became so sympathetic… the only thing he was afraid of was losing an automaton planet, which eventually, of course, the scrap did. Unfortunately, he spread his ideologies to every helldiver he knew, then his robot enemies killed him in battle. Ironic. He could save robots from death but they killed him in the end.

    Hello Tanner, Lucas, Graham and Eric

      Hello Tanner, Lucas, Graham and Eric Right now, you boys must have a lot of questions going through your mind: where is this small room we just woke up in, why the floor is so sticky and why does this room smell so sweet and sugary? But before that, I'd like to ask you a simple question: what exactly is supposed to go in a Big Gulp cup? If your answer is a fountain drink from the 7-Eleven self-service area, then you would be correct. In fact, there are several signs next to the Big Gulp cup dispensers that make the expected contents of a Big Gulp crystal clear. However, yesterday afternoon, you boys decided to fill the Big Gulp cup with something other than a carbonated beverage: one Twix, one Baby Ruth, one Toblerone and one Resees Take 5. I know exactly what was inside that Big Gulp cup because after exiting the 7-Eleven, I watched Tanner remove the lid of the Big Gulp and each of you carefully remove your favorite candy bar from the cup one by one. However, the receipt only showed that you purchased one Big Gulp drink. You even went so far as to fill the entire cup with A&W Root Beer to disguise your stolen candy bars from Toby the store clerk with poor vision. Lucas said himself that Tobys poor eye sight means that he wouldn't notice the submerged candy bars in your Big Gulp cup. By now, you are probably noticing that the room you are in resembles a giant Big Gulp cup, and the sticky substance on the floor is A& W Root Beer that is now rapidly filling the room. Soon, you will be submerged just like your Twix, your Baby Ruth, your Toblerone, and your Resees Take 5. And just like those stolen candy bars, you have no choice but to suffocate in the sugary soda. Your only hope is the same store clerk Toby who I have brought here to examine this giant cup and to tell me what he sees. Maybe he sees four helpless boys and there's a chance he might save you, or maybe with his poor eyesight he doesn't see you at all, just how he didn't see the four candy bars you stole right under his nose. How ironic, the same poor vision you were willing to take advantage of will now determine if you live or die. Let the games begin.

      That sandwich is named THE BALLER.

        I live in the newton corner/nonantum area. Payton lives in my neighborhood. There’s this breakfast sandwich joint called flour house bakery that’s also a Mike and pattys location. The actual ownership/identification is confusing and doesn’t matter, it’s on Adams st. The dude at the counter had told me that Payton comes in and gets the sandwich a certain way. He adds a hash brown patty and house spicy mayo. That sandwich is named THE BALLER. I get it at least once a week and think about PP each time.

        Fortnite Save the World ruined my life

          I bought STW around early 2018, at the time I was still a young teen and didn't understand it so I just didn't touch it again until about a year ago. A friend of mine decided to buy it and asked if I wanted to play with them. I agreed and quickly got very into the game. I played it for hours everyday until I eventually made it to twine and beat the MSK. I wasn't done though, I still wanted to play so i gave myself a new goal, getting the platinum trophy for PlayStation. I started grinding very hard playing for up to 10 hours straight some days, and in one of these sessions I noticed something. I found ray very attractive, her voice especially. I started playing missions just to hear her talk to me. I very quickly became obsessed with her, buying custom prints of her on poster, pillowcases, mousepads, everything, I even spent $100+on a code to get the robo-ray skin pack. It got so bad I missed work to play more STW just so I could listen to her. I paid money for NSFW commissions of her. I miss family gatherings, ignored my friends, and so much more. I eventually got fired and had to move back in with my parents. They obviously didn't support my lifestyle at the time and made me get a job.

I'm better now, full time employment, my own place, but I still can't play STW with sound on.

          Outback steakhouse

            Applebee's and Chili's are the restaurants of sadness and apathy. The emotion of Outback is rage. You're a 53 year old father of two working in commercial truck leasing. You've been working your ass off to repay the vacation money you took from the college fund, and you've been neglecting the wife. You want to give her a nice meal. She likes that guy from animal planet what got shish-kabobed by a stingray, so why not outback? You've been everywhere else in the last few years. She wants to spend eight American dollars on an onion, and you let her because the fucking point of the night is to make her happy, but you can't fucking stand it. The cheapest fucking vegetable in the world and she thinks it's god damn special. You both get steak. Your first bite tastes fine, but you keep chewing. You again continue chewing. You're genuinely confused by the amount of gristle still in your mouth. What few grains of beef that manage to slip out are more an insult than a reward. What the fuck are you supposed to do with the fucking gristle? You fake a cough and drop the wad of gristle on the ground so the wife doesn't complain about it being on your plate. That's when you see. She's staring at you. She doesn't know what to do with her own gristle, and she's noticed you somehow don't have gristle. Whatever she decides you did, you know you're not getting your blow job this month. The smug prick of a waiter offers you desert. It's probably some dumbass name like Kangaroo cheesecake, but you don't hear a word of it. The wife orders one for each of you. You drive home. She thanks you for taking her out. She goes to bed. You get a beer and turn on Fox News. You hear her softly crying, and you're just too fucking tired to care anymore. Maybe she'll fuck that guy from church again and get a little happiness in her life. All you know for sure is that Outback steakhouse should be burned to the ground.

            Atheist professor gets destroyed by Albert Einstein

              This was an early internet myth/copypasta that often spread around through email chains. It was often used as a way to disprove atheism and its rise in popularity in the early 2000s.

              Does evil exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name? Albert Einstein!