Started from a Tumblr post following the POV of a “mommy” talking to her “kitten”. Its also known as the Mommy needs her onion copypasta and has been voiced by Numi (Vtuber) in one of her streams.
Alright kitten listen up cause mommy needs your help here okay. Pause the game, ok-PAUSE the game for mommy okay I need your eyes up here, kitten. I'm putting these onions in this pan okay and im gonna walk out the door yes, that's right mommy's gotta go right now mommy's gotta go for 8 hours but she needs these onions caramelized by the time she gets bac-STOP LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER mommy needs you to caramelized these onions for her okay kitten mommy needs all 5 pounds perfectly caramelized and cooked down till they're all evenly brown and sweet and YES it does need to take the whole 8 hours mommy needs you to babysit these fucking carmies okay kitten I SAID TURN THE FUCKING GAME OFF
Oh my god im finally early to one of your posts! Aaand I don't know what to say... Dang it brain! Think of something funny!! 😅 Welp.. this is awkward huh?
Oh my god im finally early to one of your posts! Aaand I don't know what to say..Dang it brain! Think of something funny!! Welp.. this is awkward huh?
y-you want a b-boyfriend?!😳
(thoughts: this is my chance! ok-ok calm down pal, don’t mess this up!🫡)
w-well~😰i thought maybe… maybe i could be your boyfriend~?🤭🫣
*blushes and scratches back of his head*
i mean… if you don’t wanna date me its ok…😥 i-im used to being rejected…😔 b-but why not give it a try r-right?🥺🫣
*laughs nervously*
(thoughts: please-please say yes!👏🙏🥺)
y-you want a b-boyfriend?!😳 (thoughts: this is my chance! ok-ok calm down pal, don’t mess this up!🫡) w-well~😰i thought maybe… maybe i could be your boyfriend~?🤭🫣 blushes and scratches back of his head i mean… if you don’t wanna date me its ok…😥 i-im used to being rejected…😔 b-but why not give it a try r-right?🥺🫣 laughs nervously (thoughts: please-please say yes!👏🙏🥺)
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Ember... honey, my pookie bear. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you leap through the air and strike fear into your enemies' eyes. Your silky smooth bow shots, and that gorgeous signature attack. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you be nerfed.
You had a rough journey, but you never gave up hope. You are even amazing outside the battlefield, you're a free spirit and a fierce hunter, sometimes I even call you my queen. I forever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day be outclassed in the meta. I would sacrifice my own life if it were the only thing that could put a smile on your beautiful face.
You have given me so much joy, and heartbreak over the years. I remember when you first dominated the ranks, and it was like my heart soared with pride. But a tear still fell from my right eye when I saw you get hit with nerfs, because deep down, my glorious huntress deserved better. I just wanted you to rise again. Then, alas, you did—my sweet elven queen, with your bow and katars sharper than ever, and I rejoiced.
The journey was tough, my love, but you never faltered. You soared through the battlefield, dodging, weaving, striking with precision. You made history happen with every gravity-canceled down-light into a perfect read. You overcame the odds, defied the tier lists, and I couldn't believe it.
I was crying, bawling even, and I heard my glorious queen unleash her battle cry. Not only have you changed the game of Brawlhalla and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're in more tournaments, still the goat, my goat. I love you, pookie bear, my glorious queen, Ember.
Yumiko
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Yumiko... honey, my pookie fox. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you leap through the air and strike fear into your enemies' eyes. Your silky smooth bow shots, and that gorgeous signature attack. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you be nerfed.
You had a rough journey, but you never gave up hope. You are even amazing outside the battlefield, you're a free spirit and a fierce hunter, sometimes I even call you my queen. I forever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day be outclassed in the meta. I would sacrifice my own life if it were the only thing that could put a smile on your beautiful face.
You have given me so much joy, and heartbreak over the years. I remember when you first dominated the ranks, and it was like my heart soared with pride. But a tear still fell from my right eye when I saw you get hit with nerfs, because deep down, my glorious huntress deserved better. I just wanted you to rise again. Then, alas, you did—my sweet fox lady, with your bow and hammer sharper than ever, and I rejoiced.
The journey was tough, my love, but you never faltered. You soared through the battlefield, dodging, weaving, striking with precision. You made history happen with every gravity-canceled down-light into a perfect read. You overcame the odds, defied the tier lists, and I couldn't believe it.
I was crying, bawling even, and I heard my glorious queen unleash her battle cry. Not only have you changed the game of Brawlhalla and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're in more tournaments, still the goat, my goat. I love you, pookie fox, my glorious queen, Yumiko.
Priya
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Priya... honey, my pookie bear. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you leap through the air and strike fear into your enemies' eyes. Your silky smooth chakram reads, and that gorgeous signature attack. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you be nerfed.
You had a rough journey, but you never gave up hope. You are even amazing outside the battlefield, you're a free spirit and a fierce warrior, sometimes I even call you my queen. I forever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day be outclassed in the meta. I would sacrifice my own life if it were the only thing that could put a smile on your beautiful face.
You have given me so much joy, and heartbreak over the days. I remember when you first got released on the dev stream and you sig spammed on everyone, and it was like my heart soared with pride. But a tear still fell from my right eye when I realised that you will get hit with nerfs soon, because deep down, my glorious jiggle warrior deserved better. I just wanted you to rise again. Then, alas, you did—my sweet lotus queen, with your chakram and sword sharper than ever, and I rejoiced.
The journey was tough, my love, but you never faltered. You soared through the battlefield, dodging, weaving, striking with precision. You made history happen with every slight dlight into a perfect read. You overcame the odds, defied the tier lists, and I couldn't believe it.
I was crying, bawling even, and I heard my glorious queen unleash her battle cry. Not only have you changed the game of Brawlhalla and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're going in more tournaments, still the goat, my goat. I love you, pookie bear, my glorious queen, Priya.
I fucking hate simps so much. Those dumb fucking libtard simp cucks. Imagine simping for any fucking woman, let alone a libtard OnlyFans thot. You're over here edging to some sub-5 roastie until you're the colour of a Grimace shake, while I've been mewing and jelqing for the past 5 years to become more skibidi. Now, while you're STILL shilling her OnlyFans, I am such a based and redpilled gigachad sigma rizzler that have multiple level-10-gyatt Livvy Dunne lookalikes guzzling my glizzy on the regular.
And I can see you malding from your gooncave in the chat right now, saying that all my yapping is just capping, but that copium is about to run out. Peep the board. It's up to 10 kills already and I just wiped out tomato town. Now I'm locked in and on my way to collect the final Fanum tax, yet here you are without a chug jug.
You're cooked, beta. This is the end of the grind for you. You can either griddy towards the nearest rickety stool and ropemaxx or suffer the full extent of the brutal
mogging that's about to take place. Either way, it's time to get this ratioed.
Brawlentine's has completely broke me.
I cannot believe Supercell would fucking do this to me. I buy every Brawl Pass. The gem packs. All the physical merchandise. I even stream their music 24/7; and this is how they repay me. This has to be the most disrespectful and gut-wrenching thing they’ve ever done in the history of the game. I can't take it anymore, I'm having a fucking panic attack. This isn’t just some community event, this is a direct attack on me and everything I stand for. Melodie is supposed to be mine. She is not some random pick for a forced community event gimmick. Seeing her in the lineup for Bo actually makes me sick to my stomach. Why couldn't it be Janet or anyone else? Why did it have to be this way? This is so so fucked.
I feel powerless. I can’t do anything but wait and watch as people casually vote, joking around like this is just some silly event, while I’m sitting here completely broken. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to Brawl Stars. Fuck Brawl Stars. Fuck Supercell. And fuck the community. I'm going to fucking bed.
