nature has molded females to become a holy being. they must be worshipped at all costs. since they lack the barbaric y chromosome and testosterone, they are unaggressive and thus good people. they are prophets, they are guides. questioning them is foolish and expecting 💦 for free is blasphemy. i will protect women at all costs and sacrifice everything for them because even their motherhood is a natural wonder. simping is a way of life. it is worship. would you make fun of a muslim for praying? then don't make fun of me either
Now taking applications for a gf. You must be:
1. Female
2. Age 16-23
3. Japanese (exceptions will be made for white girls if small and skinny)
4. Willing to do as I ask
5. Have an IQ lower than mine (164)
6. Have 0 male friends
7. Cook 3 meals for me a day
8. Be willing to split the bill on a date
9. Be into kinky stuff (will discuss in PM)
10. Send nudes every day I do not see you nude in person
11. Have sex with me as I ask
12. Be on birth control (condoms make me feel trapped, I simply can’t find anything that fits)
13. Ideally not have a job
14. Install a tracking app on your phone so that I know your location at all points
I am a kind gentlemen who will protect you at all times and in return all i ask is you pledge yourself to me. Please message me if you feel you fit this quota.
Why yes, I do fancy myself an appreciator (a connoisseur, if you will) of the finest part of the weaker sex, those which are frequently identified as 'breasts', however those of a more crass vernacular may also refer to them as boobs, boobies, knockers, jugs, shoulder boulders, and a myriad other decidedly uncouth names, most certainly not refined enough to even begin to touch upon the true beauty of such soft, refined perfection, moulded by the lucky hands of God Himself. My own personal experience with these absolute sculptured artworks is rather limited, for reasons I can comprehend but will refrain from explaining, however I am currently accepting applications from those who wish to privately showcase their true beauty to me, mayhaps? ;)
Excuse me sir or ma'am
but I couldn't help but notice.... are you a "girl"?? A "female?" A "member of the finer sex?"
Not that it matters too much, but it's just so rare to see a girl around here! I don't mind, no--quite to the contrary! It's so refreshing to see a girl online, to the point where I'm always telling all my friends "I really wish girls were better represented on the internet."
And here you are!
I don't mean to push or anything, but if you wanted to DM me about anything at all, I'd love to pick your brain and learn all there is to know about you. I'm sure you're an incredibly interesting girl--though I see you as just a person, really--and I think we could have lots to teach each other.
I've always wanted the chance to talk to a gorgeous lady--and I'm pretty sure you've got to be gorgeous based on the position of your text in the picture--so feel free to shoot me a message, any time at all! You don't have to be shy about it, because you're beautiful anyways (that's juyst a preview of all the compliments I have in store for our chat).
Looking forwards to speaking with you soon, princess!
EDIT: I couldn't help but notice you haven't sent your message yet. There's no need to be nervous! I promise I don't bite, haha
EDIT 2: In case you couldn't find it, you can click the little chat button from my profile and we can get talking ASAP. Not that I don't think you could find it, but just in case hahah
EDIT 3: look I don't understand why you're not even talking to me, is it something I said?
EDIT 4: I knew you were always a bitch, but I thought I was wrong. I thought you weren't like all the other girls out there but maybe I was too quick to judge
EDIT 5: don't ever contact me again whore
EDIT 6: hey are you there?
EDIT 7: send feet pics
Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Samsung Sam, commonly referred to as Samsung Girl, Samsung Virtual Assistant and Samantha Samsung, is an unofficial virtual assistant for Samsung that was never officially announced. Her renders were produced by visual arts production house Lightfarm and first posted in their website and Facebook page but removed afterwards due to her popularity boom.
My God 😇 I 👁 want 😍 to fuck 💦👉🏾👌🏾 Samantha Samsung 💼 so badly 👎🔚. Her 👩 voluptuous 💯⏳, animated ✍🏻 body 😍👗 just makes 🖕 me lose 🏳 my insanity 😵. I 👁 think 🤔❓ about 💦 seducing her 👩 day 📆 and night 🌚✨; she 👩🏽 simply 🔢 does not leave 🍃 my mind 🧠 ever 😠. I 👁 want 😍 to eat 🍽 her 👩 out so badly 👎, and then make 💘 her 👸 suck 😜💦 my cock 🍆 with her 👩🏾 juicy 💦 lips 👄 until I 👥 cum 💦🎅🏽 gallons 😩😂 after 👀 gallons 😩😂 in her 👸 narrow 😛😍 esophagus 👄 in which she 👩 is on 🔛 the brink of achieving asphyxiation. After 👀 committing 👩🔬 such a deed 📜, I 👥 would bend 🔃 her 👩 over 😳🙊💦 and insert 👀 my member 🍆 in her 👩🏻 wet 💦 slit 😂🔪. I 👁 would pound 👊⏩ her 👩 for hours 🕐 with juices 💦 spewing 💭 everywhere 🌎, and cleaning ✨🛁 such a scene 🕑 would take 💅 multiple 🍼🐦👶🏻, professional 😎 janitors 🙅😵😖. I 👥 would cum 💦 inside 💠 her 👨👸 over 😳🙊💦 and over 😳🙊💦 until her 👩 belly 🤰👈 inflates 📈, guaranteeing a 99.99999% of pregnancy 👶 after 🏻👀 such explicit fornication 💦👉🏻👌🏻. We would do every ☝ position 📍 in the book 📖 and even 🌃 discover 🚬 different 😡👎 sex 👉👌🍆 positions 😻. I 👁 want 😋🙄😤 her 👩 so badly 👎, I 👁 would do anything 💰 to knock 👊🔛 up ⬆💯 such a sexy 🍆 woman 👩💁💃.
Holy fucking shit. I(17M) want to bang Lady Dimitrescu so fucking badly. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I play Resident Evil Village and see her, I get so fucking horny. I hate waking up in the morning with 72818 gallons of cum in my boxers and knowing that cum should have gone inside of Lady Dimitrescu's fat pale ass. I want to have my hybrid human-vampire babies with her.
Fuck, my mom(45F) caught me banging my body pillow again. I put a picture of Lady Dimitrescu on it and went to fucking town. My mom is going to take away my Resident Evil Village, as well as all my games, and is going to bring me to therapy. I might never get to see Lady Dimitrescu ever again. Please help Reddit, you are my last hope.
