Skip to content

Simp

Copypasta related to simp or simp culture which means a person who goes above and beyond for someone else in hopes of a romantic relationship.


Oh my fucking god, I cannot stand it anymore…

    Oh my fucking god, I cannot stand it anymore... I think I must've become a simp at some point recently because every time I look at you I just get a massive fucking erection. Your face look like it was hand designed by a thousand angels... And you have an uttermost beautiful style of clothing as well, if you happen to have a twitch account, please be sure to add me at xXPussy_Destroyrr69420wholesomekeanuchungussub2pewdiepieXx. I promise I'll donate every cent that I make every month, I usually just mow lawns for my elderly neighbor, Mrs. Anderson, but I swear I can do so much more! I'll probably get a job at Burger King since you get very delicious lunch breaks there!! And I'll make you the happiest girl in this green earth, you are so extremely beautiful it pains me to know I can't be on that bed with you... And people say you can't be a respectful man these days, well, as a brony, anime lover and gamer 4 life who definitely enjoys his time, I can assure you I'll be able to show you what a REAL man can do. Please baby I love you. I also do Fedora tricks.

    HOW TO GET EMIRU A SERIES OF PLANS

      Twitch streamer Emiru copypasta
      HOW TO GET EMIRU A SERIES OF PLANS
      
      A) Time travel to back when Emiru had no viewers, compliment her skills at League, ask for coaching, she agrees, hop in Discord and woo her with my natural charisma
      
      B) [Emiru has her PO box number in Twitch bio] Travel to Texas to the PO box address, camp out there for weeks until she comes to pick up her mail, follow her home. Pretend to be homeless and ask for a place to stay. She agrees and then I naturally woo her with my natural charisma
      
      C) My family goes on a vacation to New York and we fly over Texas. Threaten the plane with a bomb threat, grab a parachute and jump out the plane just as it passes right above her house. As she sees me parachuting down she sees me, her knight in shining armor and falls in love instantly
      
      D) Find a Deathnote, make her die a peaceful death at like 70 and write "fall in love with the user of this deathnote"
      
      E) While camping with my father over the summer, I find a cave with a genie in a bottle and I wish for the following
      
      1.   Emiru instantly falls in love with me (instead of wishing for buffs in certain stats, she will love me as I already am so wishes are not wasted on elongating certain appendages or adding height)
      
      2.   I find 1 trillion dollars worth of diamonds under my property (its better to have a material good rather than money as to not affect the economy)
      
      3.   Be 18 (so its legal)
      
      F) Climb to Diamond where she generally hovers in rank. Play as support exclusively when I'm at diamond since she plays ADC. Find her in a game, do well and win that game, ask to duo, she says yes, ask to Discord and seduce her with my natural charisma (edited)
      
      G) Graduate high school and go to a college in Cedar Park, Texas, where Emiru lives. Go to trendy restaurants and coffee shops and whatnot in trying to find her. Meet her and ask her out, pretending to not know that she is actually a very large streamer. She says yes and I woo her with my natural charisma
      
      (VARIATION OF PLAN G #2) During my stay at Cedar Park, Texas, I go to the gym and workout. Emiru is on the treadmill and notices me deadlifting 670 lbs and is impressed. She comes to congratulate me and we start a conversation and is captivated by my beautiful eyes (edited)
      
      (VARIATION OF PLAN G #3) Emiru and all her OTK (the org she signed under) all go to the beach and have a stream. [Living in Kansas all her life, Emiru had never learn to swim] She goes out to the deep end of the ocean and begins to drown, I jump in and save her. As she opens her eyes and looks at her savior she sees my eyes. Instantly falls in love. (PLAN IS DEPENDENT ON ME KN0WING HOW TO SWIM SO I NEED TO LEARN FROM THE YEARS OF 2022- 2025)
      
      (VARIATION OF PLAN G #4) [In Texas, it is not uncommon for large snowstorms to knock out electricity for days, if not weeks at a time] I attend a vocational school and learn how to be an electrician. One of the requirements is to become an intern for a local electrician. I get an order to check out a certain address. I knock on the door and Emiru answers. She is shivering because the heater has been off for days and no electrician has come. I fix it posthaste and she thanks me profusely. She invites me to join her for dinner which consists of various canned foods. I offer to cook and I make a tasty wagyu steak. Instantly falls in love.
      
      (VARIATION OF PLAN G #5) I attend a cooking school where I then get hired at a Michelin star restaurant. Emiru then goes to this restaurant in a ravishing red dress. I make the best meal to ever exist and she wants to personal meet the chef (me) to send her thanks. She sees me and instantly falls in love. [THIS PLAN HINGES ON ME LEARNING HOW TO COOK AT A MICHELIN STAR LEVEL IN 2 YEARS]
      
      (VARIATION OF PLAN G #6) [Emiru has only a high school education] She decides to go to college after years of neglecting to go and meets me, her professor. My hair is slicked back and I always wear a suit. She instantly falls in love
      
      H) While I visit my grandparents in San Francisco, I spot a large crowd walking down the street. As i go near to investigate, it turns outy that its Emiru who visited the city for a local convention. I quickly guide her to a safe location as to not be hounded by the crowd, she thanks me and is wood by my natural charisma.
      
      I) I become a police officer in San Jose but get transfered to Cedar Park, Texas. I hear a dispatcher say that there has been a disturbance at a certain address. I go to investigate but it is actually a very large party, Emiru opens the door and notices me. She is a bit intoxicated so she allows me in. She is seduced by my rugged, handsome good looks.
      
      J) [For my Japanese class, all the students get an opportunity to fly to Japan in a school sponsored trip] I am wandering the Japanese streets when I notice Emiru lost. She is separated from her friends. I ask her if she needs any help and she requests that I guide her back to her hotel. I oblige and she thanks me profusely and invites me for a nice candlelit dinner. Instantly falls in love. (edited)
      
      K) [Every year Crunchyroll holds an anime convention] Emiru is invited to this convention to cosplay. She walks the catwalk showing off her cosplay when she is jumped by a rabid fan. I jump out from the crowd and rescue the damsel in distress. I fight off the weirdo and she thanks me and instantly falls in love.
      
      L) [Op posts a copypasta of these plans] She sees the post and asks Op for the person who wrote all of this. He says "my friend". She gets my discord from him and asks to VC and sees my face. She instantly falls in love.

      God I love her so fucking much

        I love her so fucking much copypasta
        god I love her so fucking much, I have never met her but I need to breed with her, it is literally my only goal or purpose in life to have sex with this female individual. I need her. a thousand thoughts go through my head every minute and 900 of those are thinking about sex with her. I want to fuck this woman until she screams my name while I inject several gallons of my sticky off-white yellowish semen. I genuinely cannot stop thinking about this woman. if I had to kill every man woman in child on the planet including myself just to keep this genuine godess alive, I would be cocking my assault rifle before you could even finish speaking. there is quite literally nothing that I would not do for this woman. I need to know who she is. I need her in my life. she is my everything. like simon fucking viklund I will give her my all, I will give her the ejaculatory equivalent to a dozen horses all cumming in unison. she will look like that scene in suicide squad when the joker jumps into a giant vat of chemicals except instead of the joker its her and instead of chemicals its my fucking cum. I will literally cum more than my entire body could possibly contain in volume. I will violate the laws of physics just to cum on this woman as much as I can. god I cant fucking stand living without her. the fact that I dont know who she is or where she lives is the most genuinely painful experience any human being on the planet could possibly go through. kidney stones and pregnancy are fucking nothing compared to how I feel not being able to be with my one true love. the woman to end all women. a literal godess. you think the voices in your head are permeating? try being unendingly plagued by thoughts of constant fucking sex with this woman knowing you can never have her. every night in my dreams I see her imperceptibly beautiful face, like the fucking radiance I can''t get her out of my head I genuinely cannot exist without this woman. if I were to learn that this woman is no longer alive I would quite literally just fucking melt. the cops would find me melted like a wax figure into my $4000 razer RGB gaming chair, after dying of sadness and misery.

        Eh? You’ve never seen a pair of breasts before?

          Most realistic 4chan fantasy
          Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...
          
          HERE! BOING!
          
          AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just sacks of fat on my chest, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how they bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I-I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Mr. Perverted Virginboy Anon?! G-Go right ahead! Honk these honkin' honkers as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'em too! I know you really want to~! Just be careful; my nipples are super hard right now! C-Can't imagine whyyyy...~!
          
          I-I-I-I-I-I bet you wanna see my vagina too! You pervert! W-W-Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing p-panties anyway!
          
          S-S-S-So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess that ragin' 'rection in your pants answers THAT question! HAHAHAHAHA! Y-Y-You're such a pathetic pervert, anon! I-I-I-I bet it's the first one you've seen since you slid out of your mother's! L-L-Look how wet it is, too! Jeezums fucking Crikes, it's so fucking wet! I-I've never seen it this wet before! Look what you're doing to me, you freaking pervert! Y-You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, lordy! Christ-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! A-After all, when it's this wet, it's much easier to cram something up there! And I'm leaking like a freaking sieve here! You'd better p-p-p-plug it up RIGHT NOW!

          oii *-* então desculpa incomodar sabe

            então desculpa incomodar sabe
            oii - então desculpa incomodar sabe, assim é que todo mundo me ignora:/ aí acho que incomodokk ;-; te achei mt bonita mt fofinha você parece uma boneca JSIDJREJKOK vuxe é tão lindar :3 você gosta de anime? eu amei seu moletom da akatsuki mas você gosta só de naruto ou de outros? você parece ser bem legal kskskskskk desculpa incomodar tá se você não quiser responder é porque eu sempre incomodo todo mundo sabe... ai é só você me falar que eu paro, desculpa eu sou muito chato e feior n sei pq mandei msg, mas vc é bem fofinhar :3 ;-;

            Translated version

            hi - so sorry to bother you know, that's how everyone ignores me :/ then I think it botherskk ;-; I think you're very cute and cute you look like a doll JSIDJREJKOK vuxe is so beautiful :3 do you like anime? i love your akatsuki sweatshirt but do you like only naruto or others? you seem to be very nice kskskskskk sorry to bother you ok if you don't want to answer it's because I always bother everyone knows... so just tell me I'll stop, sorry I'm very annoying and ugly I don't know why I sent a message but you it's so cute :3 ;-;

            Chivalry isn‘t dead

              Simp copypasta
              I saw a girl almost get gangbanged once. I did what any gentleman would do and jumped in front of her shielding her, sucking, jerking, grinding the offenders away one by one, well one by four. The maiden’s dignity was safe.
              
              Laying there, vision a white blur, I reached outward to her. “Bobs….open…bo-, vagene to me..” then I passed out. Never saw her again.