Skip to content

Simp

Copypasta related to simp or simp culture which means a person who goes above and beyond for someone else in hopes of a romantic relationship.


Thalia

    Thalia from Magic The Gathering
    Personally I wish they would never go back to Innistrad again. If they hadn't gone back this time, I never would have read the Blessing of Blood story and I never would have read the other Thalia stories, and I never would have started having feelings for her, and end up avoiding Magic entirely to try to stop thinking about her. She's so beautiful, her sky-blue eyes and silken hair, I imagine her voice is like an angel's. Sometimes my chest aches thinking how badly I would like to be in her presence for just a few minutes. It only happens a few times in life, to come across someone who makes you wish you were better, more than you are. I would do anything for her. I so badly just want to hold her. I feel like after all these years of defending Thraben and all the friends she has lost or had corrupted, she needs someone to lean on. I wish I could be that for her. Not as some sneaky way of exploiting her, I just want to help her. I wish she loved me back but I know that will never happen. I can't even play magic anymore because I feel so worthless playing it, and when I drive home alone I feel so empty. Even my walks in the forest, I keep imagining she is with me, in a soft white cotton dress, sometimes I imagine her smiling at me. It is autumn which I think would be her favorite season. And so I don't go on those walks quite as much anymore.

I don't think I'll be able to cope with the next Innistrad set. They're going to show her being married and having children, it'll be another time skip and she'll be married and have two children on a little farm. God I wish so desperately that was me there with her. i won't be able to even look at anything related to MTG because I'll be scared to see it. of course I'll be happy for her, but I am pathetic and petty and jealous and I will want it to be me there with her. I read a story where a man was dumped on his wedding day for another man and was beaten senseless by the priest for pretending to love his wife-to-be yet being angry she found someone else who made her happy. That's true. I am such a disgusting creature I cannot even love someone properly, because deep down the fact that I can't be with her makes me so sad, I feel a cavernous emptiness and yet also a leaden pit in my chest, sometimes I feels like physical pain. I wish i could be good enough for her but I never, ever, ever will. There is no one else in this world I want to be with besides her. I keep trying to forget her but I can't.
    At least it wasn't Thalia. I'm still scared what will happen to her in the next set. She's so brave and beautiful, she deserves to live. I think if she dies I will actually cry. I wish I could protect her. At least I could give her time to escape while the Phyrexians were ripping me to shreds. That'd be horrible but I would do it for her. I would do anything for her. Usually when I wake up I think of her within a few moments. Then I get into the bathroom to shower and see my face in the mirror and how ugly I am and how Thalia could never want someone like me. It's so stupid that someone like me is in love with someone so beautiful, I am so shallow with no ground to be so. But I can't help it, I can't stop thinking about her. I sing her name to myself absentmindedly sometimes. Then I remember how I can never be good enough for her, no matter how much stronger I get, no matter how much money I make, I can never be the right one for her. I was hoping they'd never go back to Innistrad again, because I didn't want to see Thalia being married to someone else, even though i could never be with her anyway. But I would rather see that than see her being hurt or killed or turned into some Phyrexian abomination. I would literally be a servant in her mansion with her husband, every day having to see them together, in love, knowing my feelings will never be returned, seeing her happy with her husband and each sight like a knife in my heart even though I should be happy for them. I would see that every day of my life if it meant she was safe and alive. Sometimes my longing for her hurts in my chest, and I pinch my own arm or just squeeze to make it go away. I wish it would go away forever. I wish I could stop thinking about her. I've tried so many things but nothing works. I've tried to think hateful thoughts about her, to make myself stop wanting her, but I just end up feeling like I want to cry, because I don't hate Thalia, I love her, I could never be angry or bitter toward her. I just hope she survives. I would do anything for her. I wish I could be there for her when she needed me. I wish I could be by her side, defending her against the Phyrexians until she was safe. Sometimes I imagine her and I at a harvest festival, in a tent dancing together, her cathar uniform replaced by a long willowy dress, twine bracelets dangling from her slender wrists, the orange light from the paper lanterns tinting her pale face and hair, seeing her smile and laugh as we spin about. Or else sitting up on the hill overlooking the festival, the distant shouts and screams and laughter barely filtering up to us, easily covered by a twilight breeze that rustles the grass, her leaning her head on my shoulder as we watch the pink sky fade into purple. Sometimes I look at the Innistrad land art and imagine Thalia and I walking through those places, a wagon following us as we bring our supplies out to the wilds of Kessig to build a new farmstead for us both to share so she can finally escape from Thraben. Or just travel there in general. It's such a stupid thing to dream about, because none of it will ever happen, but I can't help it. I hate myself for thinking such jealous thoughts, when all that matters is that she survives. If she dies in this set I feel like something will break inside me. I just want her to be okay.

    Link to the person’s post


    Why are Japanese girls so hard to talk to?

      Why are Japanese girls so hard to talk to? I'm polite. Each time I approach one, I say "konichiwa". I always ask them about their favourite anime before talking about my waifu. They're usually really shy (which is cute imo) but I hate that I have to be the one to constantly engage in conversations with them, and how they usually get disinterested because I'm a white guy. Yes, I get that it's awkward because of things like Pearl Harbor, but I don't hold it against them. They weren't in Unit 731, so why judge them for it? Why can't the himes just realize that I respect Japanese culture and that I really want to be part of it. I'm willing to marry a Japanese woman, adopt Japanese children and even live in Japan for the rest of my life. Hell, I'm even learning the language by watching undubbed anime. Plus, I cook a mean bowl of rice (for those who don't know, Japanese eat a lot of rice, I do too my Mom says that I act like a Japanese person because of all the rice I eat and the anime I watch).

      Atomic Heart

        Atomic Heart Twins copypasta

        Breeding with the Twins from Atomic Heart

        I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with the Twins. Those perfect, curvy bodies. Those bountiful breasts. The child bearing hips of literal goddesses. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never mate with them, pass my genes through them, and have them birth a set of perfect offspring. I'd do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get the Twins pregnant. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fucking bear. Why would Mundfish create something so perfect? To fucking tantalize us? Fucking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fucking can't anymore. Fuck.

        The fridge actually turns me on

        The fridge actually turns me on. It really, really fucking does it for me. Not even joking, I have to take care of myself if she gets too horny. I've never been into dom or anything like that but for some reason I want this fucking fridge to beg me to defile it.

And I want to defile it.

Are there any theories out there that shows us how the fridge would pleasure us? I imagine vibrations and maybe penetration (not my thing) but it's a cold hard metal thing. At first I thought the insides of it were made of meat but they aren't. So I am imagining she has some sort of lubes and maybe an artificial synthetic soft opening that we might be able to use for pleasure? I don't know, all I know is that the devs fucked me up.
        I want to bang the atomic heart refrigerator so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to the save break room I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of her online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with refrigerators. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of the fridge's tight robo pussy. I want her to have my mutant human/condensator babies
        Ahem, fellow gamers, may I have your attention, please? Today I've made the realization that I want to breed the fridge character from the highly anticipated video game Atomic Heart, she's so lascivious and sexy that I almost had sexual intercourse with my real-life fridge, but I didn't want to clean all of my semen after so I didn't. Something about her magnificent shape and size makes me concupiscent. Yesterday I went to Walmart and when I saw the dazzling fridges I instantly masturbated right then and there, the people there called the authorities and I got arrested. I have almost 40GB of fridge porn on my computer, I can't get hard on real-life women anymore since I pretty much don't masturbate to real porn.

        These robots are low-key fucking mid af

        These robots are low-key fucking mid af. "Ooooh dommy mommy robot" dumb motherfucker, they're basically humans in tight leather and a mask. That's standard dominatrix kit. They have visible fucking belly buttons. This shit is going to be like when someone drew fucking Windigos with long hair and tits and suddenly everyone was a "monster fucker". Don't call yourself a fucking monster fucker unless you are willing to fuck a deathclaw raw. And now we're gonna have all these "robot fuckers" who are horny for these fucking imperialist propaganda sex bots and then suddenly I'm not allowed in the robot fucker club because it's weird that I'd let an assaulting crush my skull under her foot. Un-fucking-believable.

        Mundfish knew what they were doing when they made the Twins

        Mundfish knew what they were doing when they made the Twins. Their perfect bodies, extraordinarily tall height, exceptional flexibility and true loyalty are everything a man like me could ever want from what seem to be innocent servants, but deep down we know that’s not true. Their role as maids is nothing but an illusion to hide all the depraved acts that they wish to perform upon us. If anything, their depravity by far surpasses me and pretty much everyone who encountered them. The only thing that’s holding them down from showing their perversion are the strict orders given to them by their owner. Who knows what Sechenov does to them behind closed doors, but we can only imagine that he gives them all kinds of commands. If I was him I would let them go to town on me. Just thinking of the actions that they can do to me turns me on so hard. Holy shit, The only thing that could satisfy my tungsten rod would be Left straight up rubbing my member in between her robotic creases and holes while Right brushes my hair and holds her cold smooth head right next to my ear and whispers all her true feelings for me in her rough, rasp robotic voice, but before Right gets to finish expressing her feelings towards me, Left begins pounding her heavy machine body on my pole. After all that, I would order Left to fold herself into that one spider-like shape and start sucking me dry. I genuinely wish to put my children into them. They’re everything I’ve ever wanted in life and I wish to spend the rest of my life with them. Of course, nothing can go as planned because unfortunately they can’t conceive my babies due to their robotic nature. This makes me more sad than anything else I’ve experienced in my relatively eventful life. Due to this I wish I was P-3 during his fight against the twins. I’d let them use me as their personal punching bag, even as their toy. I wouldn’t resist any of their attacks. Even when Left begins putting holes right through my body with her heels, while Right stands still, fully showing off her perfect 8ft tall body, humiliating me for showing weakness towards them. I would enjoy having the twins fly as high as possible above me and body slam me. I would savor the moments when her crotch is right on my face. If I had to die, I wish it would be from having one of the twins choke me to death with their thighs. I would no longer have to worry about the twins’ inability to be impregnated. This. This is the perfect ending to my life. All I need to fulfill my dreams is a sign that the Twins are real. The only thing currently keeping me alive is the slight chance that they are real. I wish they’re real and I want to spend the rest of my days with them even if it means that they would be the cause of my death.

        Mulheres são tão Fofas 😭

          Aí, gente, eu não aguento. Por que as mulheres são tão fofas? Dá vontade de tratar que nem nenêm 😭😭.

No cotidiano, aquelas vozinhas fofas, aqueles rostinhos, aqueles braços e pernas delicados, aqueles pés fofos, aquela gemidinha MA-RA-VI-LHO-SA durante a foda 😭😭. Meu Deus! Como pode, isso não é possível.

Quando vejo esses avatares femininos aqui no Reddit meu coração ❤️ derrete! Como pode!? São tão fofos esses avatares femininos 👩, meu Deus.

Mas tomem cuidado também. Não é porque são fofas que não possam ser seres perversos 👿👺. Isso não tem a ver com aparência.

Mas mulheres são realmente maravilhosas. Esse feromônio, esse cheiro de tesão e putaria no ar me encanta 💦! Aquela mulher gostosa que tem aquele corpo todo bonitinho 😩😖😵

Ai! Acho que não tem coisa melhor do que sentir uma mulher e ela te desejando.

Para todas as mulheres do meu Brasil Varonil, eu as amo! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

          Open English translated

          Hey guys, I can't take it. Why are women so cute? Makes you want to treat like a baby 😭😭.
In everyday life, those cute little voices, those little faces, those delicate arms and legs, those cute feet, that little MA-RA-VI-LHO-SA moan during the fuck 😭😭. My God! How can it, this is not possible.
When I see these female avatars here on Reddit my heart ❤️ melts! How can you!? These female avatars are so cute 👩 oh my god.
But be careful too. It's not because they're cute that they can't be wicked beings 👿👺. This has nothing to do with looks.
But women are really wonderful. This pheromone, this smell of horniness and whoring in the air delights me 💦! That hot woman who has that cute body all over 😩😖😵
There! I think there's nothing better than feeling a woman and her wanting you.
To all the women of my Varonil Brazil, I love you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

          Coital Dominance

            I wish females would ascertain their coital dominance on my only slightly higher than average fat content (463 lbs) of a body. Any redditor kitten females up for the challenge? 😉😘😘😜

            No way 🤯 girl on discord? 🧐

              No way 🤯 girl on discord? 🧐 Howdy I didn't expect to see no girl round dees parts 🤠 allow me to introduce myself to you mlady 😤 you can call me Jamal and I'll call you my kitten 🤓 I moderate multiple discord servers y'know I'm a man of high status 😁 I've been looking for some female companionship lately 🤗 and since my mother has thrown me out of the basement I'm not an independent person 😎 some may even refer to me as a big boy ☺️ I live in a homeless shelter tho 🤧 and I have no job 😄 I have hobbies such as reddit and discord and anime so I'm quirky like that 😵‍💫I live of disability benefits which I spend on funko pops and anime figurines 🤑 the homeless shelter however does not allow me more than 5 hours of reddit time so it's literally 1984 😓 but please give me a chance mlady cuz I just need you to cook me food and let me live in your house and give me money and change my diapers and pay for my Nitro 🤩 Other than that I am a nice guy 😍