I own a rifle for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.
Four Zomboids break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my Wooden Spear and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first zomboid head, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second zomboid, miss him entirely because my shooting skills aren't high enough and nails the neighbors window causing an alarm to go off.
I have to resort to the pipe bomb stash that i keep in the bedroom, "HEY OVER HERE" the pipe bomb shrapnel kills the other two instantly on spot, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
Spear charge the last zomboid. I break my spear trough his skull, since damage to the brain instantly kills them. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Imagine this: you're casually Googling "en Pessant" when, out of the blue, a new response drops like a bowling ball in a library. "Holy hell!" you exclaim, your face contorted into a look that could rival Edvard Munch's "The Scream", wondering what to do in this position.
But this was no ordinary internet glitch; it was a glitch with a twist, turning unsuspecting netizens into actual zombies. You'd think it's just a tech malfunction, but these zombies were as real as the fear of accidentally sending a text to Martin.
Panicked, people started dialing up exorcists faster than you can say, "Is he stupid?" The exorcists scratched their heads, realizing this wasn't your run-of-the-mill possession; it was like trying to exorcise a demon who'd binge-watched every episode of Sherlock Holmes.
As if that wasn't enough, the Church's Bishop decided to take a "vacation" but, you guessed it, he never came back. Some thought he'd embarked on the holiest of quests; others thought he too wasn't fucking welcome here, just like jessica.
Amidst the chaos, a courageous few hatched a plan so audacious it could make a cat meme enthusiast giggle. They opted for a queen sacrifice, not in a chess match, mind you, but in the name of humanity. It was a move so daring it'd make even the most seasoned Redditor brick their pipi.
But as they delved deeper into this nightmarish realm, they soon realized they were caught in a knightmare fueled by fear, and a pawn storm was incoming. In the end, they had to ignite the chessboard of fate, hoping to reset the game and undo the hilariously horrifying madness that had befallen their world.
"When life asks you to Google en Pessant, you know it's a plot twist even Bishop on vacation couldn't fathom!
Sources: Cuban is beside himself. Driving around downtown Dallas begging (thru texts) Jordan's family for address to DeAndre's home
Origin of this copypasta
Its from a Tweet by sports commentator Chris Broussard involving Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and the player Deandre Jordan. The rumors were that DeAndre Jordan was considering backing out of his oral commitment with the Dallas Mavericks to sign with the Clippers. Here’s the full story of the Tweet!
It was eventually proven false but still became an iconic copypasta that shows up every now and then in different variations.
Own a Sword of the End for home defense, since that's what fate intended. Four Moebius break into my house. "What the Zanza?" as I tie back my hair and grab my Truthsinger. Stab a volleyball sized hole through the first mudder, he's dead on the spot. Use Infinity Blade on the second man, miss him entirely because it's a dimension ripping blade and nail the neighbor's volff. I have to resort to the FMJ psycho launcher mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with ether shot. "Tally ho lads!" The ether shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off levnis alarms. Activate Unlimited Sword and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on Kevesi paramedics to arrive since tears in spacetime are impossible to stitch up. Just as fate intended.
Normally id call bs but ye in his bag rn. Hes dialed in big time and idk i sorta feel like he wants to drop something insane really soon after donda just to show kim, and the world, that hes better then ever and counting him out is a mistake. The best revenge agains kim rn is to be the biggest thing on the planet, something she cant compete with. Not even fucking pete Davidson will outshine a second masterpiece within a year. Just my 2 cents.
Why didn’t you mark this NSFW? I thought I put my porn addiction behind me. I was clean for 3 months. THREE MONTHS!! But now you’ve reawakened something inside of me. God help me, I can’t stop now. I’m sitting here in the living room, pants around my ankles, vigorously flogging my hog, and the kids are screaming and crying. My wife is shouting something at me, but I can’t hear a word of it over the blood pounding in my ears as every heartbeat, every furious stroke down my throbbing cob brings me closer to that sweet, explosive release. I’m getting close. I wish I could stop, but I can’t take my eyes off your post. My wife took the kids to the bedroom. I think she’s packing her bags. I’m ruined. It’s all over for me. But none of that matters. Right now, in this very moment, the only things left in the world are your post and my pulsating knob. All I can do is whack that weasel as I five knuckle shuffle my way to nirvana. Why did I give this up anyway? How could something that feels so good be so bad? Oh god. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. YOU DID THIS OP! YOU DID THIS TO ME! WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST MARK THIS NSFW?!?
