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I hope you step on a Lego barefooted.

I hope your favorite snack gets discontinued.

I hope you bite into a chocolate chip cookie and it’s actually raisins.

I hope your phone falls face-down and you spend five minutes panicking before realizing it’s fine.

I hope you stub your toe on the corner of your bed right when you wake up.

I hope your shower is either too hot or too cold, never just right.

I hope you pour a bowl of cereal before realizing you’re out of milk.

I hope your socks get wet five minutes after putting them on.

I hope your favorite show gets canceled on a cliffhanger.

I hope your Wi-Fi randomly cuts out during an important moment.

I hope your phone charger only works at a specific angle.

I hope you always get the slowest cashier at the store.

I hope your earbuds get tangled beyond saving.

I hope you accidentally send a risky text to the wrong person.

I hope you wake up one minute before your alarm goes off.

I hope you drop your toast butter-side down.

I hope you sit on a chair that’s just slightly wet.

I hope you get comfortable in bed only to realize you forgot to turn off the lights.

I hope your game crashes right before you save.

I hope you always hit red lights when you’re in a hurry.

I hope you order food and they forget the sauce.

I hope you get a papercut on the webbing of your fingers.

I hope you start watching a movie and realize it’s the sequel.

I hope you accidentally like someone’s post from 2013 while stalking their profile.

I hope your shoelace comes untied in the rain.

I hope your glasses fog up every time you walk into a warm room.

I hope your drink spills in your lap so it looks like you peed yourself.

I hope your pizza toppings slide off when you take a bite.

I hope your chair makes a fart noise and you can’t prove it wasn’t you.

I hope you type a long message and accidentally delete it before sending.

I hope you step in something sticky with no idea what it is.

I hope your favorite pen runs out of ink in the middle of writing.

I hope you start singing a song only to realize you don’t actually know the lyrics.

I hope you finally find the perfect sleeping position just as you have to get up.

I hope your car’s gas light comes on at the worst possible time.

I hope your ice cream melts faster than you can eat it.

I hope autocorrect embarrasses you in a text to your boss.

I hope you get an itch in the middle of your back where you can’t reach.

I hope you drop your phone on your face while scrolling in bed.

I hope you forget what you were about to say mid-sentence.

I hope your debit card declines on a small purchase when you know you have money, and there’s a line of people behind you.

I hope your tongue gets burned on the first bite of hot food.

I hope you wake up thinking it’s Saturday, but it’s actually Monday.

I hope you have an awkward handshake that turns into a half-hug, then a wave, then a disaster.

I hope you’re about to sneeze and then it just disappears.

I hope you sit down and your chair squeaks loud enough to turn heads.

I hope you get the hiccups at the worst possible time.

I hope your sock slowly slides down inside your shoe while you walk.

I hope your headphone cable gets caught on a doorknob and rips them out of your ears.

I hope your sneeze is so powerful it startles people around you.

I hope you crack an egg and a tiny bit of shell gets in the mix but you can’t find it.

I hope your favorite song plays right as you reach your destination.

I hope you hit your elbow in just the right way to make your whole arm go numb.

I hope your toothpaste tube is almost empty, but not quite empty enough to throw away.

I hope your keys end up in the pocket you checked three times already.

I hope your playlist shuffles to the worst song at the worst moment.

I hope you wash your hands and the water splashes up your sleeves.

I hope you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and stub your toe on the way back.

I hope you wave back at someone who wasn’t waving at you.

I hope you wake up thirsty, but the water next to your bed is mysteriously warm.

I hope your favorite hoodie shrinks just enough to feel weird but not enough to replace it.

I hope you cut your nails and suddenly need to open a can.

I hope you tell a joke and have to explain it.

I hope you say “you too” when the waiter tells you to enjoy your meal.

I hope you think about this list every time one of these things happens to you.