I have a system of 911,420 alters!
Here are some of them ✨✨✨✨
Dream (he/him/she/her/ße/ßeself/racist/racistself) (struggles from ADHD, cancer, and DID), straight, triggered by cheaters
COVID-19 (mask/maskself) (struggles with being sexist), pansexual, anti vax, triggered by vaccines
Margaret Thatcher (she/her/piss/pissself/Britainself) (hates Argentinian people), asexual,
McDonalds Big Mac (she/her/burgerself/cum/cumself) (suffers from diarrhea), shitsexual
The US State of Missouri (Missouri/Missouriself) (has OCD, Tourette’s, ADHD, Depression, DID, OSDD, Cancer, Gonorrhea, and COVID), goth, bisexual, trans, triggered by high crime rates
Uncle Clarence (he/him/molesterself), gay, triggered by women (sorry!)
My Toilet (it/itself/piss/pissself/shit/shitself) (has diarrhea and PTSD), pansexual, has a piss kink, triggered by plungers
Joseph Stalin (he/him/Swedish Welfare System) (hates Ukrainians), asexual, triggered by food, especially wheat
I hope I am valid 💕💕💕💖💖✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨🖤💜💜🖤💜🖤💜 -Margaret Thatcher
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WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!
find the gay person:
👩🏻👩🏼👩🏽👩🏾👩🏿👩🏻👩🏼👩🏽👩🏾👩🏿 👨🏻👨🏼👨🏽👨🏾👨🏿👨🏻👨🏼👨🏽👨🏾👨🏿 👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿👦🏻👦🏼👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿
can’t find them?
that’s because they live among us, looking like normal people. the only real difference is they’re going to hell
I met him in real life and told him how much of a fan I was. He kept on saying rude things to me such as "Who are you", "How did you get in my house" and "I'm calling the police." Celebrities, PLEASE respect your fans!
