On May 14 2024, the official Angry Birds Twitter account reposted someone’s tweet with the “I used to jerk off to angry birds” copypasta. The internet made memes about it and they shortly released a statement apologizing for their mistake
I used to jerk off to angry birds. When I was about 13 l loved angry birds and I had every game and bought every toy they had. One day, I was playing Angry Birds, when all of a sudden, the big red bird turned me on. I couldn't stand it. I was going crazy. I decided to pull out my big, long, thick and girthy willy and started jerking I never had felt so good. I soon continued to do this daily and never got bored of it. That big red bird was so hot and those little blue ones were some cuties. I am glad to admit I still do this to this very day.
I sexually Identify as an Onii-chan. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of having sugoku kawaii imouto-chans and then fucking them silly. People say to me that a person being an Onii-chan is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon attach a kawaii radar and my little sister to my crotch. From now on I want you guys to call me Onii-chan and respect my right to fuck all sogoku kawaii imotou-chans. If you can't accept me as an Onii-chan, you're a Oniiphobe and need to check your sogokukawaiiimouto and the virginity of your child privileges. Thank you for understanding.
I just get so hard looking at her. I would let her shoot arrows into my dick hole and have her cut my dick off and smush it into a soup and make me drink it just to get a little nibble of her pinkie toe. I literally cannot sleep because i just cant stop jerking my dick to her. Holy shit i think already i busted 20 times while writing this. She is just so fucking hot. I cant go to school without having to jerk off in the bathroom. I have to do my homework while jerking off. I get cum all over my paper.
I have done countless cum tributes to archer queen, i even have a fan game where you fuck her until she dies. I want her to come out of clash royale and just stomp my dick into the ground. I would be her toilet forever if i could just see her dirty stinky feet and make her rub it all over my face. I am a pig and her feet are piles of mud.
I cant play my favorite game clash royale because every time she spawns I instantly cum everywhere. I try to hold it back but i cant. I would suck every goblins dick in the goblin gang just to have her shit stained feet be rubbed all over my dick and my face.
Holy shit i dont know how much longer i can go anymore. I used to have my girlfriend dress up as the archer queen and have her shit all over me while jerking my dick with her stinky feet but it just wouldnt be the same. She broke up with me and now i have no one to cosplay as the archer queen. At least my archer queen flesh light is still with me.
I seriously think about just killing that stupid barbarian king. He is getting to fuck her every minute while im here with a dick drenched in cum. I fucking hate him. He gets to lick her feet. I DONT. This is not fair. I will smash his skull into the ground and take the archer queen and have her queef all over me. I would never shower again to keep the smell of her queefs on me.
I would cut off the archer queens feet so i could turn it into a flesh light and have it jerk me off every second of my life. God it would be so hot. Just her stinky little piggies rubbing all over my cock. I would be the hog, and her feet would be the rider.
Holy shit i want to pound the shit out of the archer queen asshole
I just get so hard looking at her. I would let her shoot arrows into my dick hole and have her cut my dick off and smush it into a soup and make me drink it just to get a little nibble of her pinkie toe. I literally cannot sleep because i just cant stop jerking my dick to her. Holy shit i think already i busted 20 times while writing this. She is just so fucking hot. I cant go to school without having to jerk off in the bathroom. I have to do my homework while jerking off. I get cum all over my paper.
I have done countless cum tributes to archer queen, i even have a fan game where you fuck her until she dies. I want her to come out of clash royale and just stomp my dick into the ground. I would be her toilet forever if i could just see her dirty stinky feet and make her rub it all over my face. I am a pig and her feet are piles of mud.
I cant play my favorite game clash royale because every time she spawns I instantly cum everywhere. I try to hold it back but i cant. I would suck every goblins dick in the goblin gang just to have her shit stained feet be rubbed all over my dick and my face.
Holy shit i dont know how much longer i can go anymore. I used to have my girlfriend dress up as the archer queen and have her shit all over me while jerking my dick with her stinky feet but it just wouldnt be the same. She broke up with me and now i have no one to cosplay as the archer queen. At least my archer queen flesh light is still with me.
I seriously think about just killing that stupid barbarian king. He is getting to fuck her every minute while im here with a dick drenched in cum. I fucking hate him. He gets to lick her feet. I DONT. This is not fair. I will smash his skull into the ground and take the archer queen and have her queef all over me. I would never shower again to keep the smell of her queefs on me.
I would cut off the archer queens feet so i could turn it into a flesh light and have it jerk me off every second of my life. God it would be so hot. Just her stinky little piggies rubbing all over my cock. I would be the hog, and her feet would be the rider.
I beat my meat to skibidi toilet. His smile is so fucking HOT. God i wanna put it in inside of that toilet and make him beg. Whenever i see skibidi toilet cum comes out like a waterfall, whenever my classmates say anything related to toilets the entire school gets flooded with cum everywhere. Dafuqboom is truly the best artist of all time.
I have a math fetish. Nothing makes me hornier than calculus and statistics. This makes math class hard for me because I have to sit through the whole class with no way to relieve my urges. Instead of porn, I jerk off to my math textbook and my parents have noticed. They wish I would just watch porn like a normal child but I can't get off without thinking about math. My boyfriend left me because I would shout mathematical formulas during sex. This came to its worst today when my calc and stats teachers were having a discussion of the calculus of the normal curve and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because I just couldn't handle it. It's ruining my education and my life.
So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions “Dolphin Pussy Jelly.” Scientists were like “holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science.” So the scientists collected a sample of said Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate’s dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to like in a world where this is a commercial product. I want I to say “you know what, I want to die and I know what to do about it.” I want to live in a world where I can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of “Smucker’s Dolphin Pussy Jelly,” and just fucking cum myself to death.
