Son: M-Mom??? W-What the fuck are you doing??? Dude, she's my mom!!!
Mom:
A-ah!! S-sweetie~!! P-p-please d-don't NGHHIIEEEK~~!!
I start to shoot a lot of juices right at yourbfeet as i cum again
Son:
E-Ew!!! Y-You two are both horrible people!! My mom, betraying me with my BEST FRIEND... This is just the worst...
My face is super red, and you can see a bulge popping as i keep watching you two going at itt
Mom: I-i'm sorry hun... But he's just so big and rough~~! I didn't had a fuck like this in years~
Son:
B-But... What about dad?? How can you do this to dad??
As i yell and complain, i unconsciously start rubbing the bulge in my crotch, not taking my eyes off of you two
Mom: Y-you d-dad doesn't fuck me~ Not even looks at me~! H-he's just a dumb o-old mEENNNGH! AH~! AH~!
Son:
Ah, fuck... You... You are such a fucking whore mom... You are such a horrible woman... Getting fucked like a pornstar right in front of your son... Not only that, but the dude is my best friend... I feel so humiliated...
I put one of my hands down my pants and start jerking off
Friend: There’s nothing to be upset about man! Come lay down on the bed and I’ll show you why your mom loves having me over so much!
Son: ... S-Sure dude...
Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.
I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
So. Lets rule out both the zombie and the zombie pigman due to rotting flesh. Next we throw out the silverfish due to size and also have you seen the fuckers irl? Next, I’m throwing out both spiders because that’s just too many eyes, fangs, legs, and hair. Also the blaze, because while it probably could do some oral stuff, it’s also on fire, which is hazardous.
We started with 13 and are now at 7.
The magma cube is rock on the outside and magma on the inside; from unpleasant to outright dangerous. The skeleton is also bone, which is an unpleasant texture, no matter which end of the fucking you’re on. The ghast does have a fine mouth, but it’s too big. Either you’re getting busted open by that painfully big tongue, or you’re throwing a hotdog down a hallway. The same issue is even more pronounced with the ender dragon, since even that ender cloaca would be unsatisfying.
This leaves us with 3 potential candidates. The creeper, the enderman, and the slime.
There is something I’ve been leaving out until now. The most important thing in any such matter.
CONSENT
Neither the creeper nor the slime has the intellectual capacity to give consent. This means that fucking them, or many of the other hostile mobs here, would be akin to bestiality.
This leaves us with a clear answer.
The smooth, mysterious, tall lanky fellow of everyone’s wet dreams and nightmares. The enderman. Were these tall, sexy people once human? What can that mouth do? So many questions, and all the time in the world…
Ok, it's about sometime someone said it. And of course it's gonna be me. On Jesus' birthday no less. In the name of Santa (Time Allen)'s sacrifice.
The gayest thing a man can do is have sex with a vagina. THINK ABOUT IT. Vaginas are MADE to take dick. They are essentially an evolutionary dick pocket. Do you know how gay that sounds? Literally Charlie Darwin wrote in his journal about how vaginas were evolving to get better at taking dick.
This was in between him writing about dumbass birds, and harassing island lizards and shit. Fucking nerd-ass. However, it is a commercial Christian holiday, so I won't talk anymore about evolution out of respect to the creationists that are totally reading this right now.
I digress, there is NOTHING more gay than being inside a woman's vagina. Made for dicks, AND there may have been dicks in there before. Ummmm, hello? It's basically a CARFAX for dicks. What's more lady-like THEN BEING INSIDE A WOMAN. Think about it, moron. You are next to her eggs and emotions when you are up in there, which is extremely feminine. You could even potentially absorb estrogen through your penis, and that will lower your net worth. Extremely feminine, gay, and also counter-productive.
It is gay to have sex with vaginas.
Now the straightest thing you can do is call up one of your closest bros/business partners. Meet in a location that is isolated, preferably outdoors for reasons soon to be made clear. Strip down naked except for your socks, face each other, and start slapping your cocks together. There is a myth that if the balls touch its gay. This has been disproven by A.S.S. (association of sigma-male scientists).
Actually, your balls slapping together falls under the laws of thermodynamics, and your masculine energy is cycled between your bodies, your balls being the connector.
This increases your masculine hustle, and also forms a stronger bond with your now brother. Do it outdoors to establish dominance in nature. Also, hold eye contact, whoever breaks first is now below in male rank to the other, but there is still mutual respect. I mean, you just got naked in a field and slapped your junk together, you better hope to respect each other.
Socks stay on, it anchors your masculine energy. This is what super straight people do. The gays? Inside vaginas. Don't believe what the liberal media tells you on CNN. Stay away from evolutionary cock-pockets. Embrace the Dong Cycle.
Thanks for dying for our sins, Santa. This one's for you. Seasons greetings!
Yandere Simulator needs a poo- and pee-meter that gradually increase during the day. If they are full, Ayano pees or poops in her pants. To prevent those meters from getting full, the player needs to visit the toilet.
This mechanic will make the game more realistic, because now the player will be forced to visit the toilet from time to time, just like in real life.
Before I get into this, I AM NOT A NECROPHILE!
Alright, with that out of the way, having sex with a dead person is not that bad. Dead people are, well, dead. Their bodies are totally useless. Either donate them to science or donate them to people who will use them. Necrophilia is certainly not good, but it’s better than rape. Giving dead bodies to people to have sex with will stop prostitution, rape, and many other even more heinous acts. Dead bodies can not feel. All we do with them is bury them or burn them. I guess this is a good example of the ends justifying the means.
