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Cursed Thoughts

Cursed thoughts shared in discussions that is ridiculous and absurd in nature that it became a meme. Usually about popular characters and people.

I keep stroking it to Omni man’s cheeks, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

    I keep stroking it to Omni man's cheeks, and I don't think I'll ever stop. It all started a few weeks ago when invincible season three's finale came out. I kept hearing this song over and over in my feed, and heard a voice calling to me. It was Nolan. I tried to ignore him, but around the 57th time of hearing this song, I finally gave in. I pulled down my pants and started marking my Grayson. Atoming my eve. It was the best sensation I've ever felt. I can't stop Ceciling my Steadman to Omni man's big bubbly delight, and I don't think I ever will. Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just me?

    John Green

      Tumblr used to have a feature where you could edit other people’s posts so people kept editing John Green’s posts to something super sexual.

      As I near 200,000 followers here at fishingboatproceeds, I just wanted to to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick..... that’s when I’m satisfied.

      Futanari is objectively less gay than straight sex, if a male is watching

        Futanari is objectively less gay than straight sex, if a male is watching

Futanari is hentai where one chick has a dick, and ploughs another girl. As a straight male who watches guy on girl sex, I must admit that this would be considered 50% homosexual as there is a man and woman. Futanari however has a half woman (commonly referred to as a futa) and a female, making it 25% gay to watch. The only other porn that could really be considered less “gay” would be lesbian. Now, this post is made ironically, but the same point stands.

Futanari is less gay than straight sex. You’re welcome, your third eye has opened, always be woke.

        I have a very weird confession about geometry dash.

          By u/Gryllodea, its a shitpost towards another post about a person feeling sexual when playing Geometry Dash. 

          I have a very weird confession about geometry dash.

Alright, throwaway for obvious reasons. This is so deeply embarrassing that I've never told a single person in my life. But I saw this post the other day, and for the first time ever, I didn't feel completely insane. So I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off.

My whole life, I've felt like I was "broken" when it came to this stuff. I'm asexual and aromantic. I don't look at people and feel that. Honestly, most porn makes me feel kinda sick. I figured my wiring was just... different, and that was that.

But then there's Geometry Dash.

It sounds like a joke, I know. It sounds like a bad meme. It's not. It's the most confusing, shameful, and real thing I've ever dealt with.

I'm not talking about levels with cute art. I'm talking about the pure, raw gameplay. A perfectly synced dual sequence. A clean, tight wave part where every click lines up with the music. A smooth, flowing ship section with impossible-looking turns. Watching a really well-made, difficult level gets me so... intensely, physically worked up that I can't control it. It's a direct, involuntary physical reaction. I've had to stop watching YouTube videos of levels because of it. It’s that powerful, and that embarrassing.

After reading that other post, I fell down a rabbit hole trying to understand why. The closest thing I've found that makes sense is that it's not actually a fetish. A fetish is when you're attracted to something. I'm not attracted to the level. It's more like my brain completely misfires.

The satisfaction I get from watching perfect gameplay, the rhythm, the precision, the visual ASMR of it all, its so powerful that my brain seems to misinterpret that flood of "YES, THIS IS PERFECT" feeling as sexual arousal. My body just follows orders from the wrong signal. It's apparently a real, studied thing: a "misattribution of a non-sexual stimulus."

So... yeah. I'm the guy who has to take a cold shower after watching a good Neiro showcase. It feels pathetic to type out, but there it is. If there's anyone else out there who gets it, even a little... hi. You're not a monster. You're just wired in a really, really weird way.

          Balatro

          I have a very weird confession about balatro

Alright, throwaway for obvious reasons. This is so deeply embarrassing that I've never told a single person in my life. But I saw this post the other day, and for the first time ever, I didn't feel completely insane. So I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off.

My whole life, I've felt like I was "broken" when it came to this stuff. I'm asexual and aromantic. I don't look at people and feel that. Honestly, most porn makes me feel kinda sick. I figured my wiring was just... different, and that was that.

But then there's Balatro.

It sounds like a joke, I know. It sounds like a bad meme. It's not. It's the most confusing, shameful, and real thing I've ever dealt with.

I'm not talking about jokers with cute art. I'm talking about the pure, raw gameplay. A perfectly built up economy. A clean, tight boss blind where every hand and discard matters. A smooth, flowing strategy with impossible-looking pivots. Watching a really well-played, difficult yet somehow possible gold stake win gets me so... intensely, physically worked up that I can't control it. It's a direct, involuntary physical reaction. I've had to stop watching DrSpectred and Roffle because of it. It’s that powerful, and that embarrassing.

After reading that other post, I fell down a rabbit hole trying to understand why. The closest thing I've found that makes sense is that it's not actually a fetish. A fetish is when you're attracted to something. I'm not attracted to the joker. It's more like my brain completely misfires.

The satisfaction I get from watching perfect gameplay, the triggers, the precision, the visual ASMR of it all, its so powerful that my brain seems to misinterpret that flood of "YES, THIS IS PERFECT" feeling as sexual arousal. My body just follows orders from the wrong signal. It's apparently a real, studied thing: a "misattribution of a non-sexual stimulus."

So... yeah. I'm the guy who has to take a cold shower after watching a good Perkeo-less naneinf. It feels pathetic to type out, but there it is. If there's anyone else out there who gets it, even a little... hi. You're not a monster. You're just wired in a really, really weird way.

          I just saw a 6’6 blonde aryan doctor buy a cart full of brand name soda, an entire prime rib roast,

            I just saw a 6’6 blonde aryan doctor buy a cart full of brand name soda, an entire prime rib roast, crab meat, smoked salmon, and ice cream, using an EBT card. His PIN was 1488. Then he went and bought a lottery ticket. I confronted him as he was putting away his cart and I told him that SNAP is for poor people. He looked at me with his A10 blue eyes and said with his full chest, “I am poor. Неіl Ніtlеr nіggа!” Then he Roman saluted and everyone clapped. As he drove away to thunderous applause while still Roman saluting out of the window of his Ford Raptor, I was crying uncontrollably and accidentally peed my pants and then pooped myself.

            Do not sleep with the cursed chest from the prison depths. It ruined my life

              By u/Harrijson, its a shitpost on how banging the cursed chest from Dead Cells ruined his marriage.

              I would say I'm pretty good at this game, but ever since I've aquired my fifth boss cell, I keep constantly dying in the prison depths or the corrupted prison, and it's driving me mad. In both these biomes I find a gauranteed cursed chest at the start trying to seduce me, but I won't bite, I've always just opened them and went on with my day. But the voices were getting louder.

I was exhausted. No matter how good I am at this game, it punished impatience more than it rewards skill. And I was very impatient. I've reached the 5 boss cell door twice and have even been to the final level, but I died there. Ever since I've been trying to get back, but no luck. My runs just got worse and worse, wich loops back into my impatience.

A month ago when I exited the sewers to go to the prison depths, I was met with the same cursed chest that I've seen countless of times. They always say the same lines. "Come on, HIT ME!", "Spank me daddy", "I'm a naughy chest that deserves to be punished". It never works. "I miss my wife" I said to the cursed chest. I didn't expect him to respond. "I miss her too" he said.

I live in Stilt Village and because I keep dying in the prison depths I haven't been home for months. No Nut November has taken a toll on me. My wife who also lives in Stilt Village (the doom bringer) has never visited me in the prisoners quarters. I haven't seen her in so long. I couldn't do this to her I couldn't, I know it's wrong, but the loneliness started to get to me. I couldn't help myself anymore.

"Kiss me cursed chest"

"I'm yours beheaded"

And then we kissed. This has been a regular occurrence for weeks. It got so out of hand that Motion Twin installed a door at the beginning of the level by the cursed chest because enemies kept complaining about seeing "unholy shit". But the developers only made it worse. I started to go to the prison depths without my outfit. I would strip naked by the collector before I went to the biome. "What the actual fuck", "You need public execution" he wasn't supportive at first. And he threatened to board up the passageway to the level. I promised him to bring 200+ cells every run in turn that he won't stand in between me and my secret love. He got used to it after a while.

One day, I finally had enough of suppressing the temptations. I didn't want to hold back anymore. I wanted to bang the cursed chest. And so I did. I banged the shit out of him.

"Beheaded, please put all your cells inside of me"

But when it was over, a bone chilling message appeared. "YOU HAVE DISGUSTED THE GODS". And the description send shivers down my spine. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. YOU KNOW THE GUY AT THE START IS WRITING THIS SHIT DOWN RIGHT? NAH FUCK THE CURSE SYSTEM I'M SMITING YOU FROM ABOVE" and so they did. I was killed instantly.

I only lost one cell. Not only that, but I received a letter from my wife that the inevitable end is somehow connect to me and the cursed chest. Things are forever akward now. I ruined my life, but you don't have to ruin yours. Don't let my failure be in vain, take this as a lesson to not cheat, it's never okay. Live to become the man or woman of someones dreams. If they ever ask you why your so amazing, link them this reddit post. They will understand it now. I wish good luck to everyone out there and never fall for any cursed chests.