The Infamy Mask enemies make me want to put a meat grinder into my rectum and grind all of my organs into paste.
I am two centimeters from peeling off my fingernails and gluing them onto my forehead in the shape of a penis just so everyone can see how dicked over I have been by these things.
Every time I see one I think this time will be different—This time I’ll be careful—This time—this time—ughhhhhhhhh. They can fucking see into the future. The whip around corners and do 180s if you are within 2 continents of them. Oh yeah, they’re also INVINCIBLE?? You have to kill the stupid heart which by the way also shoots at you and must have the mask on speed dial because he always shows up bends you over and makes you his bitch in like 4 microseconds.
EVEN WORSE, the game usually puts like 4 of them in a basic 1x1 room size and it’s also very common to have a grid of metal blocks making it impossible to dodge them by moving off axis.
Is this what slavery feels like? Being thrust into a room naked while giant hearts mind control masks that lick your nipples so hard that it can literally kill you??
Unrelated but I also hate tainted Cain. Unfortunately, my life coach says that this rant has already generated enough negative energy to keep people who enjoy watching the news busy for at least 24 hours. Seriously what is wrong with people who enjoy having a cup of Joe while the TV tells them about the most horrifying things known to man.
Anyways I need to google how to remove a meat grinder from my rectum. Rant over.
TL;DR:
Fuck you for not reading my post. If you want to know what it was about, I have some great advice: it starts at the top, not the bottom.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female insect breeding, an XXL scaled up Hornet is actually the most compatible insect for humans? Not only is she the sexiest being in Hallownest due to her super short skirt, Hornet actually has very similar proportions to the average female human body. This means she would be large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with her impressive number of HPs and access to various types of defensive charms, you can definitely be rough with her. As she usually fights other bugs all day, she must have an incredible stamina. Considering this and the fact that she is the daughter of what can essentially be considered a god and his bitch, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Hornet would be incredibly professionnal at sex, so much that you could easily have intercourse with her for hours without getting sore. We also know she can summon several ladybugs, which you could use for an orgy whenever you want. We should note that she does not have any fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for her to get you in the mood. With her incredible strength, she could also dominate you easily, and for those who are into BDSM, she has a giant nail that she could shove right up your ass. No other bug comes even close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make her skirt turn white. Hornet is literally built for human dick. High stamina + high HP pool + defensive charms means she can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
I have an insatiable minion rape fetish. It is my ultimate fantasy to be gagged, tied up, and brutally assfucked by Kevin the Minion. I have accrued tens of thousands in debt attempting to fill this void with sexual "toys," including several custom dildos and a modified Kevin-shaped plush doll with a twelve-inch yellow strap-on. The wife and I are separated, and I have accepted the fact that I will never see my kids again. The only thing keeping Karen from divorcing me is the fear that she might be the final push into a deep, inescapable abyss, at the bottom of which lies my death. The truth is, I died nine years ago on the night I met the love of my life. I came home from the premiere of Despicable Me rock hard, collapsing in the shower and sobbing at the realization that Kevin the Minion would never, could never pin me down with his perfectly smooth body and stubby arms, penetrate me with his incredible yellow girth, and empty his huge, aching balls deep inside my tummy. I sat there all night, sometimes weeping, sometimes ramming my flaccid dick into the shower drain in frustration. It has been nine years since that night. I have nothing now. I have accepted that. My apartment is a squalid den of inescapable despair, filled with jizz-stained Kevin the Minion dolls and tormented notes etched onto lewd posters of Kevin the Minion. My only friends are the roaches. My God, I am going to die here. Banana.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male and female Genshin creature breeding, that Melusines are the most compatible species for humans. Not only are they humanoid, they are also mammals as well. Melusines are on an average of 3 feet 5 inches and 52 pounds, this means they are large enough to take human dicks, and with their Abyssal origins and access to healing food, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly hydro based biology, there is no doubt in my mind that an aroused Melusine would be incredibly wet, so wet that you can have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They also have enhanced eyesight, and increased perception, along with the ability to breathe underwater, they'd be able to suck you off even in the ocean. No other creature in Genshin comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Melusine white.
So to start out, some units of measurement. One movement is the skin moving up OR down once. Two movements is one jerk. I measured the distance my foreskin travels per movement by holding it at the top, moving it down, and measuring the difference between my thumb in the first and second position. This was around 6 cm (on an average dick). This means that one full jerk is 6 x 2, or 12 cm.
I then looked up the average masturbation time for a human male. The result I found was around 15 minutes. Now, in order to know how much your foreskin moves in one session, I had to measure it of course. I decided to jerk off at a consistent, average speed for 1 minute and multiplied that number by 15. I counted 182 full jerks in that minute. Now let's do some more calculations.
182 jerks of 12 cm each, equals 182 x 12 cm = 2184 cm per minute, or 21.84 m. In order to keep the numbers comprehensible, I'm gonna stick to using meters for the rest of this experiment. So with the average or 15 minutes per session, we do 15 x 21.84 m = 327.60 m per session. Thats' a lot, almost a third of a kilometer even. But how much would that be in a year where you jerk off once per day?
Simple. We do 327.60 m x 365 days= 119574 m, or 119.574 km. Now what if we do it twice per day? Multiply that number by 2 and you get 239148 m or 239.148 km. That is much more than I thought.
What will you do with this information? No idea. Was this a total waste of time when I should be studying? Probably. Was it interesting? Definitely.
Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems.
Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and since she was constantly doing acrobatics you’d get a glimpse of her orange pussy mid fight as she’d do a flip while slicing a B2 Super Battledroid in half. It was surreal.
We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and she constantly got captured by pirates and slavers almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
