I want master to fuck me. I want him to tie me up so I can only walk on all fours and then for him to stick his cock in my face. I want him to rub it over my face for a solid 10 seconds before sticking it in my mouth. I want him to grab my head and force his cock down my throat repeatedly. Then, I want him to pull out of my mouth and flip me over so I'm facing the ceiling. Then I want him to rub his cock against mine, teasing me about how small my dick is before finally plunging his cock into my ass. I want him to grab my waist and pull me into his cock, thrusting in and out. I want him to play with my little cock, still teasing me about it's size before eventually we cum together. Then I want him to make me clean up the mess, still tied up, with my tounge, spanking me whenever I miss a spot. Then when we're finally done, I want him to plug my ass and curl up next to me in bed, stroking my head and calling me a good girl and telling me about how well I did.
I would literally never stop trying to impregnate Judy. Every day I would wake her up by cumming in her and every night I would cum in her right before going to sleep, which I would do with my dick stuck inside her bunny pussy. I would take some viagra before bed just to maintain my erection so that she'll be ready in the morning when I thrust into her like an animal and slather her in kisses. Part of our wedding vows would have as many children as physically possible. I wouldn't even care if she's already pregnant, I'll fuck her while she's pregnant and she'll get double pregnant. I'll fill her with so much cum every day that she'll look pregnant even when she isn't (which she'll never be after we're married) I would do everything in my power to make Judy as fertile as possible. I'd give her fertility drugs, I'd give her uterus massages, breast massages, I wouldn't let her go 12 hours without at least one spastic orgasm. I'll even bake her home made lactation inducing biscuits to help her get to a point of hyperlactation syndrome so that she'll be seeping out multiple quarts of sweet cream per day. Which I will save and drink just so that I can tell her how delicious it is. I'll make her so fertile that triplets will be the minimum number she's carrying at any given time. Her natural belly shape will be a fucking sphere. I would literally never stop doting on her, I would respond to her every beck and call and I would cum inside her again each time she asks for something. She would be so pregnant all the time that she should literally not be able to stand up straight anymore even after menopause. Her spine would be permanently bent out of shape to accommodate a pregnant belly. Even after she can't get pregnant anymore I would just keep putting more eggs into her. I would clone her purely so that I can put fresh eggs from the clone inside her after she runs out of them. If she doesn't have any eggs I will synthesize them from her DNA. She would have so much progesterone running through her veins at any given time that even the thought of not being pregnant would seem alien to her. Imagine marrying Judy and she tells you she wants a kid and that she'll be fine and she'll keep her Vtuber duties up while pregnant. When she finally gets two lines on her pregnancy test she'll jump and full body hug you crying about how happy she is after trying so hard. Everything is going great for a few months, Judy is glowing and her Vtuber activities are working out and her belly is quite small on her toned body. Now imagine in a few months Judy has to stop her Vtuber activities because her feet hurt and her legs aren't used to holding up her new weight. Her belly extends almost a full foot in-front of her and she's gained nearly 15 kilos. Imagine the look on Judy face when her doctor tells her that she would take a break on her Vtuber activities for a while because she's carrying triplets and the excessive movement is doing more harm than good. Imagine Judy reluctantly smiling at you and promising to stop doing her favonious reps for the sake of preparing to take care of three kids at once. Imagine as the weeks go by and her womb fills up more and as her appetite and weight increase with it. Imagine finding your 7 month pregnant wife Judy raiding the fridge in the dark at 4:00 AM with a guilty look on her face when you find her, like a puppy and that gnawed holes into your pillow. Imagine towering above Judy while she sits on the floor nervously wiping ice cream drips off of her massive belly and mumbling about how the kids made her do it. Imagine helping Judy up and princess carrying her back to bed and having her ask if she can lie on top of you because you're warm. Imagine rubbing Judy's nipples and having her complain about how you might get milk everywhere and how she needs to save it for the kids.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
Response to koala copypasta
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
"Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives."
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
"Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death"
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
"They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal"
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
"additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons."
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
"If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food."
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
"Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal."
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
"Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here)."
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
"When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system."
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
"Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher."
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
"This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,"
Almost every animal does this.
"which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them."
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
My nut rag was first nutted in by my great great grandfather in the trenches of verdun. The nut preserved the rag, and him, from the constant artillery fire and assaults from the dreaded krauts. It was handed down to my great grandfather, who nutted in it while on route to leyte gulf to push the Japanese back home. My grandfather was protected from ambush and disease by the nut of his father, and his father before him, while patrolling the jungles of vietnam. And my father nutted in it to give him strength and focus before attacking Saddams republican guard in 1991. Now, I nut in it between sessions of BF1 and COD WW2, to honor those that came before me. The nut is strength, the rag is freedom and family, I am an American.
At my zoo, we circumcise all our gorillas because the eldest gorilla is Jewish and demands it. We can't argue with faith, and since we also shave our gorillas, we find the circumcised gorilla penises to be much more visually appealing, and I know our guests enjoy that touch as well because I've had many, many people come up to me and tell me how much they admire the penises on our shaved, Jewish gorillas, and that's when I take the opportunity to try to convert them to Judaism on the elder gorilla's behalf. I just want to make papa proud. I'd say at least a dozen or so people convert every summer, especially after the body show that the gorillas put on every 4th of July. It's part of why we shave them. We pump our gorillas up with the best bodybuilding supplements, legal and otherwise, so that they become absolutely jacked. They spend most of their time lifting weights and wrestling each other for sport and male bonding. The elder gorilla oversees the matches and presents a banana to the winner. That's what makes the body shows so popular. The elder gorilla is always very excited to show of the strength of faith instilled in his troop of Jewish, shaved, jacked gorillas. It's a very compelling argument, especially when you see how playfully those circumcised gorilla penises dangle in the morning summer sunlight, still with beads of dew clinging to that charcoal black gorilla dick skin. It's amazing what gorillas can do when they follow God's will and keep their hearts full of God's love.
Citizens of the U.S, this is an order. We need to go out there stand for ourselves, protest for boobs and rip the goverment's ass.
I tried being nice with the government 'til I reached the point where I couldn't stand it.
We need boobs, it is a simple step in the right direction, and is very possible. We just need to replace the fucking politicians by using ChatGPT, so we can get boobs 24/7.
Joe Biden can say whatever he wants, or call the cops. Man I don't give a fuck go ahead and call the cops, I'll have sex with every last one of them.
