Why do my drums sound nothing like my favorite records, no matter how I tune or muffle them?

1) Why can't I get my drums to sound like the drums on my favorite song/album?

Understand that your drums will rarely if ever sound like the ones on your favorite records. You're hearing hours of EQing and editing and mixing and mastering on top of the actual drums, often by people with years of experience using thousands and thousands of dollars' worth of equipment you don't have.

Then there's this weird acoustic phenomenon, unique among instruments: There is absolutely no acoustic instrument whose sound character changes so completely and dramatically through recording, even merely putting up mics and listening through headphones. When you mic and record an acoustic guitar, piano, horn, etc., it still sounds like the same instrument, only louder and perhaps a bit smoother. When you mic up drums and listen, even with no EQing or processing or effects, they instantly sound like a completely different instrument with a completely different timbre, that sounds absolutely nothing at all the way they sound live in the room.

And where did nearly all of us get inspired to pick up the drums in the first place? Our favorite recordings. So we are doomed from the start in that regard if we don't know this difference.

2) A drummer friend played my drums the other day while I listened, and they sounded so much better than they do while I play them. How can that be?

What you hear from the throne behind your drums is not what they actually sound like. What they actually sound like is ten or more feet in front of them. The actual sound of your drums is out in the room, where their frequencies can "blossom," as well as taking advantage of the acoustics of the room. Let's say you had an e-kit with a setting called "Bonham room sound." It wouldn't sound like what John Bonham heard from behind the skins - it would sound like what Jimmy Page heard from across the room, or even in the booth.

I have heard many drummers complain that their drums sound better when they watch other people play them and wonder why they can't get that sound. It's simple: you simply can't hear that sound from behind the drums. You have to be in front of them. They always sound like that. You just can't hear that sound from the throne, that's all. Which is why I always recommend having a friend play your drums while you listen from across the room. Before you make any rash decisions about heads or tuning or muffling, remind yourself that this is what they actually sound like, and then make decisions about what to change - if anything.

3) They ring too much, but when I muffle them, they're too dead-sounding. How do I kill the resonance/sustain, but not too dead?

First of all, refer back to point 1. Then, always remember that in many live playing situations, and even certain recording situations, that ringy, boomy, resonant sound is your friend. It's what helps your drums cut through a wall of guitars and distinguish themselves in the mix.

I hope this gives some of you a different perspective on the sound of your drums. Good luck.