Timmy the redditor, master of woodcutting and supreme slayer master. Nobody can dare match his skill in the medival clicking simulator called RuneScape. Never missing an xp, never missing a tick, not even his bodily functions can tame his sincere desire to gain xp.
But whats this? A cowardly gang of thieves, hell bent on ruining Timothies Efficient Experience per hour has shown their dastardly faces. One by one, they take their turns with timmy - his squeals and crys howl through all of glienor.
In a desperate attempt to communicate with his attackers, he lets out a plea to reasoning: "Why?" he says aloud. "I have nothing on me lol". Timmy adjusts his glasses and thinks to himself, "Surely these young men must know that violating me gains them poor experience per hour and doing so leaves them at a net loss of gold pieces."
To Timmy's dismay, the attack continues. Panic starts to set in and Timmy shifts uncomfortably in his soiled trousers. Gasping for air at the thought of his RuneScape avatar being defiled by these villians, he makes another desperate attempt at appealing to reason, "This is why I vote no to PvP updates! The wilderness is dieing because of you guys!" Timmy sneers and thinks, "Heh, now they have to stop disrupting my efficient experience gains or else they will never get an update to player versus player!"
But the onslaught does not end, ripping and ravaging Timmy until he is down to his very last lobster. Then Timmy sees HungryJose227 running at him, a warrior clad in full snakeskin armor, wielding only a sharp knife. Timmy tries to get away but is frozen in fear at the sight of fearsome pk man. Finally, HungryJose227 lustfully descends upon Timmy, inserting his dragon dagger. Hopelessness sets in for Timmy, he knows he will never gain back the 15 seconds of experience and his precious clue scroll. As conciousness fades, he reminicses on the safety and warmth of his beloved slayer cave,"I never should have came here! I want to go back to the slayer cave where it's safe, my items won't be stolen in there and I won't be violated by Jose's Draggon Dagger! Mother Nieve is waiting for me back at home in the slayer cave, how can I return to her like this? I hate the wilderness and I hate pk man!"
Just as Hungry Jose Finishes unloading his special attack onto desecrated Timmy, he kneels down and whispers into Timmies ear, "Siéntate niño".
