Vaporeon breeding

Contrary to popular belief, Vaporeon was never compatible for breeding with humans at all

Its a response towards the infamous Vaporeon copypasta by fact checking Vaporeon’s capabilities to manipulate water.

Contrary to popular belief, Vaporeon was never compatible for breeding with humans at all. Far from it. For starters, most of them are male, 87.5% male to be exact, and they're not even in the Human-Like egg group anyway. Not only that, but the copypasta diluted the truth about Vaporeon's abilities, hence why I will now set the record straight. Hydration only works when it's raining and Water Absorb, which has a darker nature that I will get to talk about soon, doesn't mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you "pull out." I know this because I cleaned sperm bank toilets a long time ago. Also, what wasn't mentioned is that Vaporeon can control water easily, meaning that Vaporeon can perfectly utilize the water it can control to enter a person's orifices until they explode. Vaporeon’s biology allows it to defeat its opponent by entering any human orifice effortlessly, like the candiru fish, with it eventually making its way to the human's lungs until the human succumbed to dry drowning or have those very same lungs rupture, letting the Vaporeon exit the newly created cadaver easily. Now here is the disturbing truth about Water Absorb. Since human bodies are 65% water, a Vaporeon that's inside a human body could potentially absorb the water in said body until the poor human was nothing more than a shriveled corpse. Also, if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your penis would be sent to the Distortion World instantly. Its ability to control water also includes creating Kyogre-like tsunamis that can level cities easily, and with moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Hyper Beam, and Body Slam, Vaporeon has so many ways to end you that it should be reclassified to the "Assassin Pokémon." It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don't explore that "deep sea cave" for "treasure." As for the moves that it can use to make itself more "horny," the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon's kin can also learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won't even change that. Also, the NSFW crowd loves Umbreon and Sylveon more than Vaporeon.

Vaporeon Is Literally Build For Human

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

Related Flareon copypasta with good ending

Vaporeon has had enough

A response to the cursed "Vaporeon is literally build for human" copypasta — Response to the original Vaporeon copypasta

Hey guys did you know that in terms of water Pokemon inland, Vaporeon would be very capable of hunting grown humans?

Their bodies being the size of a medium dog and weight are just enough to pounce on a man and throw him to the ground. Their bulky stats would allow them to shrug off and outlast any attempts by the human to fight them off, and that's not getting even into moves like Hydro Pump and Scald. But that's not all these water dogs have up their sleeves.

Their bodies being so similar to water not only lets them hide in bodies of water and become nearly invisible to catch prey off guard, but allows them to enter the body through almost any orifice. Things do not get any better once a Vaporeon is inside of you. If asphyxiation doesn't kill you, the internal bleeding and displacement of internal organs certainly will. In addition, they are able to learn Charm, allowing them to take advantage of certain... desires humans may have and create even more opportunities to go in for the kill.

But wait, there's more. Since Vaporeon is an omnivore, its cells would need to be able to digest proteins, such as those in meat. This only opens even more possibilities as to what these creatures are capable of.