University

A classmate smelled my seat HELP

Part of a series of university/college shitpost that gets posted in Reddit.

A classmate smelled my seat HELP

I’m a bcit student made a new friend in my 2nd year. We became partners. In one of our classrooms we have a massive reflective window in front of us. One time I had to go to the washroom and went out of my desk, in the reflection I saw my classmate rub the palm of his hand on the seat in a motion like he was polishing something and turned his spinning chair around and what it looks like smelled his handy?? I don’t think he knows that I’m aware. My half awake friend saw him as well and can confirm that she remembers seeing him smelling something. When I came back to my desk and saw he wasn’t there, I asked where he went out of curiosity because he’s my work partner. He said he went to the washroom. Umm what do I do in this situation

To the daughter of the woman I hooked up with last night

To the daughter of the woman I hooked up with last night
byu/uiuc_motherfuckr inUIUC

Part of a series of college/university copypasta that started from Reddit.

To the daughter of the woman I hooked up with last night 

I met her at Lion and she told me you were a sophomore studying plant biotechnology and she said you brought her out to have fun but then abandoned her to talk to “some redheaded beanpole.”

Was really uncool of you to leave your mom alone like that especially since she doesnt even drink. Dunno why you would take her to Lion in the first place. just wanted to let you know I took care of her and that she’s really sweet and you should be more grateful for her.

Edit: Guys we’ve been texting and I got her recipe for sweet potato casserole. Made it for dinner today and TBH it’s even better than the sex

Virginia Tech

To the daughter of the woman I hooked up with last night 

I met her at TOTS Saturday night and she told me you were a sophomore studying neuro and she said you brought her out to have fun but then abandoned her to talk to “some redheaded beanpole.”

Was really uncool of you to leave your mom alone like that especially since she doesnt even drink. Dunno why you would take her to TOTS in the first place. just wanted to let you know I took care of her and that she’s really sweet and you should be more grateful for her.

University of South Florida

I met her at the Ivy Saturday night and she told me you were a sophomore studying neuro and she said you brought her out to have fun but then abandoned her to talk to “some redheaded beanpole.”

Was really uncool of you to leave your mom alone like that especially since she doesnt even drink. Dunno why you would take her to the Ivy in the first place. just wanted to let you know I took care of her and that she’s really sweet and you should be more grateful for her.

My roommate keeps creaming in his sleep

My roommate keeps creaming in his sleep
byu/Unique_Biscotti8003 inUNLV

Started as a post on the University of Nevada subreddit, it became a meme due to the typo in the title that makes the whole thing so much funnier. Its part of a series of copypasta that started from university rant or post.

This is driving me insane and I’m losing sleep. At least twice a week my roommate will randomly sit up at like 3 am in his sleep and scream his lungs out. I mean full on screaming as if his life is in danger. It lasts like 12 seconds and then he’s right back to sleeping. It wakes me up every single time and scares the shit out of me. I asked him this morning if he has night terrors and he acts like he has no idea what I’m talking about. This has been going on for a month and a half and if it goes on any longer I’m going to lose my mind.

To Everyone In My 8:30 Today I Was NOT masturbating!!!

To Everyone In My 8:30 Today I Was NOT masturbating!!!
byu/GoldFee8100 inWWU

Part of a series of university/college copypasta that came from their respective subreddit and spread from there.

so i was sitting in the back row of my lecture and i realized my fly was unzipped. I was trying to fix it up before anyone saw me. however, my zipper was caught in the boxers, and it wouldn't move no matter how hard i tugged. this was creating a commotion, and these 3 girls were starting to stare.

so, i started making grunting noises to indicate i was trying to fix my pants. however, it seemed like it made it worse because they started whispering and more people started to stare. so eventually i just gave up and walked out the room.

when i came back, everyone kept giving me weird looks. i am really sorry for today and i just wanted to clear the air.

Attracting too many women as CPEN Major

Attracting too many women (CPEN Major)
byu/SystemVeripog inUBC

Hey everyone,

I'm a CPEN major. Just finishing up my final year and have a job offer making $135K as a programmer a prestigious tech company.

Every time I go to a bar, party, or any social event in general, I try my best to avoid telling people what I do.

Every time I tell women I'm a CPEN major they start hitting on me.

Last week I went to a friend's birthday party. Told his sister I was a CPEN major. She kept asking me to "debug her code" and "reverse her linked list" in a flirtatious manner.

This is a reoccurring problem. It's gotten so bad that I tell women I "make websites" so they will stop hitting on me all the time.

Any advice on how to stop attracting so many women as a CPEN major?

My brother hates that I go to Cornell.

Origin

The copypasta started from r/Cornell but had since been deleted. It’s actually a referenced to the Chincanery copypasta or more specifically the siblings relationship between Chuck and Jimmy McGill from Better Call Saul. In the show, Chuck is perpetually jealous of his younger brother Jimmy, who seemingly turned his life around and achieved success equal to him.

First of all, he graduated from Harvard Law School and works at a law firm. Like him, I am also seeking a law degree, but I’m at Cornell now. He hates that I’m graduating soon and he thinks the entire foundation of legal rule and the sanctity of law will be tarnished once I become a lawyer. To quote him directly, me being in law school is like “a chimp with a machine gun.” During our family Thanksgiving dinner today, he threw a tantrum in front of my family because he wanted to be the only lawyer. He wants to be the pride of the family. “Cornell University, for Christ’s sake?” He yelled at me as I asked my mom to pass the mashed potatoes. “What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am! And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer?” I used to work in the mail room in his law firm. He said he was proud of me then and wishes I never turned my life around. Every day, I think about dropping out and going back to my old job just to make him happy…

Template version

First of all, he graduated from <School> Law School and works at a law firm. Like him, I am also seeking a law degree, but I’m at <School> now. He hates that I’m graduating soon and he thinks the entire foundation of legal rule and the sanctity of law will be tarnished once I become a lawyer. To quote him directly, me being in law school is like “a chimp with a machine gun.” During our family Thanksgiving dinner today, he threw a tantrum in front of my family because he wanted to be the only lawyer. He wants to be the pride of the family. “<School> University, for Christ’s sake?” He yelled at me as I asked my mom to pass the mashed potatoes. “What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am! And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer?” I used to work in the mail room in his law firm. He said he was proud of me then and wishes I never turned my life around. Every day, I think about dropping out and going back to my old job just to make him happy…