transcript copypasta

Phineas and Ferb, but all the verbs are replaced with “fuck”

Hey Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today

There's 104 days of summer vacation and school fucks along just to fuck it. So the annual problem for our generation is fucking a good way to fuck it. Like maybe... fucking a rocket, or fucking a mummy or fucking the Eiffel Tower, fucking something that doesn't exist. Hey! Or fucking a monkey, a shower, fucking tidal waves, fucking nanobots or fucking Frankenstein's brain, it's over here! Fucking a dodo bird, fucking a continent, or fucking your sister! Insane, Phineas! As you can fuck there's a lot of stuff to fuck before school fucks this fall, fuck on Perry! So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna fuck it all! So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna fuck it all! Phineas and Ferb are fucking a title sequence!

Detachable Penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time–it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn’t find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn’t seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, ‘cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time
So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without my penis for too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it–I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t know–even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

Epic Team Fortress 2 rap

Open

Scout:

"YO PEEPS WELCOME TO TEAM FORTRESS 2!!!"

"THIS WILL GAME WILL SHOCK YOU AND MAKE YOU POO!!!"

"MY TEAM WILL DESTROY YOUR SOCKS!!"

"NOW MASTURBATE ALL OF YOUR COCKS!!!"

anime girl singing:

"Oh no this is not epic."

"This match is going to be a small dick."

"There are bots joining the game."

"This is very lame."

Scout:

"DON'T WORRY WE CAN JUST VOTE KICK THEM!!!"

"THEY THINK THEY CAN RUIN THE GAME BUT THEY ARE MISTAKEN!!!"

"CHEATERS WILL BE THE FAILED!!!"

"WE WILL DESTROY THEM WITH THIS MASSIVE WHALE!!!"

Medic:

"Yes Scout very based~"

"The haters are going to get erased~"

"TF2 will always be the best~"

"We will suck on their breasts~"

anime girl singing:

"Oh no this is not epic."

"This game is going to be a small dick."

"Valve is not updating the game."

"This is very lame."

Heavy:

"I agree anime girl you are very right..."

"No matter how much we try it ends in spite..."

"This is very cringe..."

"There are sadly no more femboy twinks..."

Scout:

"SILLY HEAVY DON'T GIVE UP!!!"

"EVEN IF THERE NO UPDATES THE COMMUNITY STILL ROCKS!!!"

"AS LONG WE ARE HERE AND CARE!!!"

"WE WILL NOT BE IN DESPAIR!!!"

anime girl singing:

"This is very epic."

"Everything will have an awesome small dick."

"I will continue playing TF2."

"This is very awesome poggers school."

Spy:

"Goodbye everyone I hopes you enjoyed our rap!"

"Now if you excuse us we have some points to cap!"

"The writer of this rap is very cool!"

"And Team Fortress is too!"

Is Jacking Off A Sport?

So emotional....I'm crying rn — Original video

Would you guys consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you motherfuckers but I consider that shit to be a sport, okay? If people can sit back and label goddamn golf, which is the boringest fucking sport in the world, a goddamn sport, if you can label that shit a sport and if you can label goddamn fishing as a sport I know damn well you can label jacking off a sport. Think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing in golf, my nigga? All you're doing is hitting the goddamn golf club, "Oh my God man, that’s a long-ass birdie man. Nice birdie, nice putt man! 250 yar-" get the fuck outta here nobody cares about that boring-ass shit. Who the fuck really watches golf? Nobody gives a fuck, it makes niggas fall asleep.
Fishing on the other hand, what the fuck are you really doing athletically, my nigga, in fishing? All that you're doing is that you're sitting your bitch-ass up in a boat. Usually its old-ass snagged teeth motherfuckers that ain't got no goddamn teeth up in their fucking grill, or up in they're mouth. They're just sitting up in a goddamn boat, you know what I'm saying? Throwing a goddamn rod. It could be any kind of goddamn bait up on the end of the rod. It could be a worm, it could be a caterpillar, it could be a centipede, it could be a dead-ass butterfly, it could be a fucking beak of a dead bird, it could be anything, you know what I'm saying? "Oh my God, we caught a big-ass salmon! Reel that fat bitch in! Yeah!" Motherfucker what are you doing athletically? How the fuck is that working up a sweat, my nigga? What, you're working out your arms because you have to reel that motherfucker in? Nigga, that’s not a sport, dawg.
Well, fuck it. You know what? It is a sport, fuck it. You guys wanna consider that shit to be a sport? Jacking off is a fucking sport to me. Jacking off and beating your motherfucking dick to porn is a sport. There's two damn things that you have to do:
A: You build up a sweat. I don't give a fuck, nigga, if you are building up a sweat goddammit, that shit is considered a sport. You're building up a sweat.
B: And the most important part of that shit is that your hand is getting a workout. Nigga you're building up arm strength and you are building up your hand strength.
I don't know about you, nigga, but when I'm beating my shit, nigga, my fucking hand muscles get fucking tight, you know what I'm saying? And that shit wears the fuck out of my entire left arm. I used to be able to do it with my right hand, can't do that shit so now I do it with my left hand.
Do you guys consider jacking off to be a sport? Nigga, in my opinion I believe it is. I know that some of you little trolling-ass, faggot bitches are gonna say, "Aw man, hahahaha! You must not get no pussy, motherfucker, if you jack off!" Motherfucker lets be real, okay? Everybody has jacked off once in their goddamn life. If you're gonna sit back and come on my goddamn post and troll my shit saying that, "Oh nigga, I never jacked off once in my life." Bitch, stop lying. Everybody does that shit, okay? So please miss me with that bullshit nigga, and go preach that shit to someone who's actually going to listen to you, okay? Number two: "Oh my God, this post was stupid it was pointless." Couldn't have been that stupid bitch, you still clicked on it! All the motherfuckers that are reading this post saw the title of the post before they clicked on the post. So it couldn't have been that stupid if you still proceeded to click on the motherfucker.
So… Jacking off… The shit's a sport. Fuck it.

Gerber Life

F O R J U S T P E N N I E S A D A Y — Original video

Attention parents and grandparents of young children. Gerber Life is accepting applications for their affordable grow up plan. The grow up plan gives your child $10,000 in whole life insurance. Protection now then doubles automatically to twenty thousand dollars later at no extra cost. Free information will be sent to parents and grandparents who call now. Help give your child a head start for just pennies a day. Don't wait call now for free information.

Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked.

why tf are people searching for "number 7 student"copypasta? — Original video

Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked. A Bangledeshi 20 year old student was arrested after watching porn, stripping naked and attacking an attendant during a flight. In March 2018, shortly after the Malindo Air flight departed from Kuala Lumpur, the 20 year old started watching pornography on his laptop. As no one seemed to notice or call him out for it, the man began taking his clothes off. At the request of the cabin crew, the student put his clothes back on.

But soon, he tried to hug female flight attendants. When the crewmembers rejected him, he reportedly became aggressive, and groped a flight attendant. With the help of some of the passengers, the cabin crew managed to subdue the man, and tie his hands with a piece of cloth for the rest of the flight. One of the passengers managed to capture the moment with his phone. Although airline officials refuse to confirm details of the incident, the photo of a man with his bottom sticking out of his pants and hands tied up emerged online. The disruptive passenger was arrested on arrival.