i cant even look at heavy and medic normally anymore when playing tf2. everytime im in a casual server and see a heavymedic duo i think of heavy fucking the absolute shit out of medic, fuck it makes me hard too.. everytime i play as sniper i always scope and seek for heavies with their pocket medic and take my dripping hard cock out to jerk off. every night id have the wettest dreams about heavy fucking medic in various ways: bondage, captured, topping from the bottom, roleplay, any fucking scenario you could think of, ive seen heavy and medic do it all. id have to wake up to a puddle of cum on my bed. the classic medic x classic heavy pairing is just as hot too, i enjoy bratty bottoms with tops to put them in control. i follow every heavymedic artist on twitter whether it be nsfw or not, and ive jerked off to every art, sfm, and video containing heavy x medic. even the ones on youtube make me harder than fighting a pyro as a spy. ive commissioned at least 16 artists to draw me heavymedic pictures, and ive spent around $500 on that. i keep custom made heavy/medic figures in my room, so when im feeling frisky, id play with one of them, sometimes both, while i masturbate to make things more fun and interesting, on a03, all my bookmarks are filled with heavy and medic stories, ive skimmed and read through all 2000 something heavy/medic stories and enjoyed every single one of them, i even wrote a book report about a heavymedic story called "a clinical trial" by poisonsun on a03 for my english class. apperently, my dumbass teacher didnt like it and called my parents over to have a conference with them. if that happens, ill get my computer taken away, and id never get to see heavy and medic fuck again. please god, please dont take this away from me, heavy x medic is my life.
Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the tf2 sniper so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to 2fort battlements I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with mundy. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of snipers tight assassin bussy. I want him to have my assassin/crazed gunman babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me fucking my dad's rifle again. I'd modify it to look like his gun and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my PC. I might not ever get to see sniper again.
[Shot opens on ringing alarm bell; sirens and klaxons play in the background]
The Administrator: "Intruder Alert! A RED Spy is in the base!"
[Signs illuminate on a large security panel: "Intruder Alert', 'RED Spy' and 'In Base'; pull out to reveal the BLU Soldier watching the board]
Soldier: "A RED Spy is in the base!?"
[Intruder Alert begins to play. The Soldier reaches from off-screen and pulls a Shotgun off a rack of weapons. Cut to the Soldier dashing down the stairs and through the 2Fort sublevel while saying "Hut, Hut, Hut!" with every step he takes]
The Administrator: "Protect the briefcase!"
Soldier: "We need to protect the briefcase!"
[Camera pans to reveal the BLU Scout trying to open the code-locked 'Briefcase Room' door]
Scout: "Yo, a lil' help here!?"
[The Soldier pushes the Scout aside and begins to 'decode' the combination]
Soldier: "All right, all right, I got it. Stand back son. 1, 1, 1, umm... 1!"
Scout: Let's go, let's go-
[BLU Heavy comes around the corner, Sasha in hand, charging towards the Scout and Soldier]
Heavy: "INCOMING!"
[Heavy shoulder-barges the door, destroying it. The three of them are sent tumbling and screaming into the Intelligence Room. The Scout reaches the desk to discover the briefcase is perfectly safe]
Scout: [while screaming, he notices the briefcase] "AAAAAHHHH- Hey, it's still here!"
Heavy: "-AAAAalright then."
Spy: "Ahem."
[Camera zooms in to reveal the BLU Spy, with the BLU Sniper's corpse over one shoulder]
Spy: "Gentlemen."
[Meet the Spy' Title Card]
[Cut back to the Spy, carrying the dead Sniper towards the desk]
Spy: "I see the briefcase is safe."
Soldier: "Safe and sound, mm-hmm."
Scout: "Yeah, it is!"
Spy: "Tell me... did anyone happen to kill a RED Spy on the way here?"
[The other three BLUs shake their heads and shrug]
Spy: "No? Then we still have a problem."
[He deposits the Sniper's body on the desk, revealing a bloody Knife in his back]
Soldier: "...and a knife."
[The Scout approaches and removes the knife]
Scout: "Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of Spies; they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you!"
[The Scout attempts to manipulate the knife like the Spy, only to cut himself on the finger and drop it]
Scout: "Ow! No offense."
Spy: "If you managed to kill them, I assure you, they were not like me." [The Spy deftly retrieves the knife and flicks it shut, handing it back to the Scout] "And nothing... nothing like the man loose inside this building."
Scout: "What're you? President of his fan club?"
[The Soldier and Heavy chuckle]
[The Spy turns to face the Scout]
Spy: "No... that would be your mother!"
[The Spy reveals a folder and slaps it down on the table, revealing several compromising photographs of the RED Spy and the Scout's mother]
Scout: [stammers out of shock and disbelief]
Spy: "Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today."
[[[Right Behind You]] plays]
[The Soldier and Heavy examine the photographs. The Heavy leans over and shows the Soldier one photo in particular]
Soldier: "Oh!"
[The Scout frantically retrieves the photos as the Spy lights and smokes a cigarillo in the foreground]
Scout: "Gimme that!"
Spy: "This Spy has already breached our defenses..."
[Fade to the RED Spy, creeping through the Hydro tunnels. He pauses at a corner, as the camera pulls back to reveal a BLU Level 3 Sentry Gun with its Engineer. He slides an Sapper across the floor, disarming and destroying the Sentry Gun immediately]
Engineer: "Sentry Down!"
[The BLU Engineer throws his Wrench down and frantically reaches for his Pistol, only to have the Spy shoot him in the head with the Revolver. The dead Engineer crashes through a door and the Spy steps over him and fires at a target off-screen]
[Cut back to the BLU Intelligence Room. The BLU Spy leans over the dead Sniper, gesturing frantically.]
Spy: "You've seen what he's done to our colleagues!"
[Flashback to the BLU Sniper, now alive and sniping from a dusty attic. The RED Spy creeps up on him and steps on a creaking floorboard, alerting the Sniper, who engages the Spy with the Kukri. A struggle ensues, and the Sniper is ultimately backstabbed]
[Cut back to BLU Intelligence Room]
Spy: "And worst of all, he could be any one of us..."
[Fade to the RED Spy fighting a BLU Medic, armed with a Bonesaw]
Medic: "Raus, raus!"
[The Spy breaks the Medic's arm, disarming him. Close-up on the Spy's face as he disguises as the Medic, sans spectacles]
Medic: [gasps] "Nein..."
[The Spy kills the Medic with a well-placed chop to the throat, knocking off his spectacles, which he catches and wears, completing his disguise]
[Cut back to BLU Intel Room. The BLU Spy looks frantic]
Spy: "He could be in this very room! He could be you! He could be me! He could even be-"
[The Spy is cut off as his head explodes violently. The camera switches to the Soldier, Shotgun in hand, with a confused Heavy and a panicked Scout]
Scout: "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
Heavy: "Oh!"
Soldier: "What? It was obvious!" [The Soldier pumps his Shotgun, discarding the spent shell.] "He's the RED Spy! Watch, he'll turn red any second now..."
[The Soldier and Heavy approach the dead Spy, with The Soldier prodding the Spy's foot with his Shotgun]
Soldier: "Any second now... See? Red! Oh, wait... that's blood."
[The Scout lingers behind, his expression sinister. He approaches the Soldier and Heavy, retrieving the knife he pocketed earlier, and flicking it open easily. As he approaches, he flickers and melts, revealing himself to be the RED Spy]
Heavy: "So, we still got problem..."
Soldier: "Big problem... all right, who's ready to go find this Spy?"
Spy: "Right behind you."
[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays, with the stabbing of the Soldier and Heavy punctuating the beat of the tune.]
[Petite Chou-Fleur plays]
[Fade to the scattered photos of the Scout's mother. The RED Spy retrieves one of them and smiles wistfully]
Spy: "Ahh... ma petite chou-fleur."
[The RED Spy walks off with the BLU team's intel in tow]
Scout:
"YO PEEPS WELCOME TO TEAM FORTRESS 2!!!"
"THIS WILL GAME WILL SHOCK YOU AND MAKE YOU POO!!!"
"MY TEAM WILL DESTROY YOUR SOCKS!!"
"NOW MASTURBATE ALL OF YOUR COCKS!!!"
anime girl singing:
"Oh no this is not epic."
"This match is going to be a small dick."
"There are bots joining the game."
"This is very lame."
Scout:
"DON'T WORRY WE CAN JUST VOTE KICK THEM!!!"
"THEY THINK THEY CAN RUIN THE GAME BUT THEY ARE MISTAKEN!!!"
"CHEATERS WILL BE THE FAILED!!!"
"WE WILL DESTROY THEM WITH THIS MASSIVE WHALE!!!"
Medic:
"Yes Scout very based~"
"The haters are going to get erased~"
"TF2 will always be the best~"
"We will suck on their breasts~"
anime girl singing:
"Oh no this is not epic."
"This game is going to be a small dick."
"Valve is not updating the game."
"This is very lame."
Heavy:
"I agree anime girl you are very right..."
"No matter how much we try it ends in spite..."
"This is very cringe..."
"There are sadly no more femboy twinks..."
Scout:
"SILLY HEAVY DON'T GIVE UP!!!"
"EVEN IF THERE NO UPDATES THE COMMUNITY STILL ROCKS!!!"
"AS LONG WE ARE HERE AND CARE!!!"
"WE WILL NOT BE IN DESPAIR!!!"
anime girl singing:
"This is very epic."
"Everything will have an awesome small dick."
"I will continue playing TF2."
"This is very awesome poggers school."
Spy:
"Goodbye everyone I hopes you enjoyed our rap!"
"Now if you excuse us we have some points to cap!"
"The writer of this rap is very cool!"
"And Team Fortress is too!"
Yes, I did it, and I am not afraid to hide it. I masturbated to The Heavy from Team Fortress two, a critically acclaimed First-Person-Shooter made by Valve, a large in-game-item and games-from-other-studios redistributer, as he was carrying his 36 inch penis and placed them between his breasts, which sagged to the ground, and hung out between the back of his legs.
The part where Tavish Finnegan DeGroot, another character from Team Fortress two, a critically acclaimed First-Person-Shooter made by Valve, a large in-game-item and games-from-other-studios redistributer, more commonly known as the Demolition Man, or Demoman for short, proceeded to take off his eyepatch, and inserted the Heavy's penis into the empty socket, was exceedingly arousing to me, as his head shortly after exploded as if a cum-filled landmine had been detonated in his skull.
Afterwards, as The Heavy was putting Tavish's bones inside of his penis, I nutted the hardest I had ever done in my life, with enough force to set off 78 volcanos in my vicinity, and proceeded to impregnate the continent of Australia.
