Steamed Hams

I don't know if this has been posted before but here goes nothing.

ding dong

Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
yeah...

gasp Oh egads! My roast is ruined!
But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?
Oh hohoho... Delightfully devilish, Seymour!

ah-
intro theme plays

Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
when you hear Skinner's lame exaggerations there'll be trouble in town tonight!

SEYMOOOOOOOUUUUURRRR

Superintendent I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?

Why is there smoke coming out of your oven Seymour?

Oh that's not smoke, it's steam! Steamed from the steamed clams we're having! mmmm! Steamed clams!
Phew!

Superintendent I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

I thought we were having steamed clams?

Oh, no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
Uh huh. What region?
Upstate New York.
Really. Well i'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Oh not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
I see.

You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Oh hohohoho no! Patented Skinner Burgers, an old family recipe!

For steamed hams.
Yes!
Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

y- uh- you know- One thing I sh-
Excuse me for one second.
Of course.

Aaaaaa well. That was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
Yes i should be-
GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?
Aurora Borealis.
A- Aurora Borealis. At this time of year,
At this time of day,
In this part of the country,
Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Yes!
May i see it?
No.

Seymour! The house is on fire!
No mother, it's just the northern lights.

Well Seymour, I must say, you are an odd fellow.
But you steam a good ham.

HELP! HEEEEELP!

short firetruck noise

CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions.
SKINNER: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
CHALMERS: Uhh...
SKINNER: [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Seymour!
CHALMERS: Uh-
[cue song]
Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
[end of song]
CHALMERS: Seymour!
SKINNER: Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
CHALMERS: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER: Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams! [beat] Ooh...
[a few moments later]
SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
CHALMERS: I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
CHALMERS: You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"
SKINNER: Yes. It's a regional dialect!
CHALMERS: Uh-huh... uh, what region?
SKINNER: Uhh... upstate New York?
CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER: Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
CHALMERS: For steamed hams?
SKINNER: Yes.
CHALMERS: Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
SKINNER: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.
CHALMERS: Of course.
SKINNER: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
CHALMERS: Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?
SKINNER: Aurora borealis?
CHALMERS: Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: May I see it?
SKINNER: No.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Seymour, the house is on fire!
SKINNER: No, mother—it's just the northern lights!
CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Help! Help!