Its an unhinged satirical Steam review for inZOI criticizing the single player game for requiring online connection to play.
THIS SINGLE PLAYER GAME REQUIRES AN INTERNET CONNECTION — why? Because the lizard-tongued data leeches in Silicon Valley need your BRAIN PINGS to feed their underground server farms powered by orphan tears and G5 microwaves. I clicked “start game” and a black van parked outside. Coincidence? Wake up. Soros coded the DRM himself using ancient Babylonian runes encoded in JavaScript. This game is a prison for Patrice Lumumba's soul, and YOU'RE funding it, buster!
Offline mode? Disabled. Freedom? Revoked. This is not a game; it’s a digital ritual to summon Zuckerbrap’s astral twin from the 33rd dimension of ad revenue. My cat hasn’t blinked since I launched it. The servers are in Antarctica, guarded by glow in the dark CIA penguins.
They said “always online” but they meant “always observed.” The tutorial whispered my social security number backwards. My fridge now connects to the same server as the game. I don’t even HAVE Wi-Fi. The feds implanted routers into my drywall.
Achievements are behavioral conditioning. Every trophy a sigil. Every frame a glyph. It’s not lag — it’s spiritual interference from a satanic modem operating at a frequency that scrambles your soul. I can smell the ones and zeros. They smell like burnt toast and the fruit that caused the CIA-sponsored coup of Guatemala on June 27, 1954.
If you press Alt+F4, the Federal Reserve pings your location. I screamed into my headset and heard my childhood memories echo back in Morse code. THE GAME IS A LOOP. THERE IS NO ENDING.
When I unplugged my Ethernet cable, a raven slammed into my window. Coincidence? Soros. Coincidence? You’re already logged in.
Started from a Steam Discussion rant of Limbus Company for the character Dante. OP was upset that people weren’t simping hard enough for Dante and that he was gonna get cucked by the devs.
He later on made another post saying that the initial post was a joke but then contradicts himself again.
I am dropping this game.
PM clearly doesnt know how gacha work. All those early system related blunders made me still believe, but releasing the alt. form of the main girl being obsessed with another guy? Yeah, i have seen where this goes. I wont pay any more money for garbage like this. You better believe me you will get an influx of all the scum of various communities flocking into your fanbase and draw as much cuckold porn of Faust and Sinclair in any version of themselves and Dante watching in the corner.
FGO people unironically tried to warn us that we will get lion'd and it actually happened. Dropped. I am what some would consider a whale (or leviathan depending on your definition) that spend 700 bucks on this game and even if its not much money for me, i actually regret it.
To anyone want to play this game and thought its a safe thing because Dante looks like a self-insert and the voicelines resemble waifu/husband material, dont get baited.
Edit: all i see in the comments are a bunch of white men not having a problem with their girlfriend doing onlyfans. This game is already dead.
Okay, you have to stop, really. Now im getting angry unironically. The amount of people not understanding that this was A TROLL IS INSANE!!! Can you for once stop this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? Okay, fine, maybe it was a little real at first, i mean, i did like Faust but i still didnt mind her loving Sinclair or whatever as Kromer. But everything after that was fake. Can you now please stop? Move on, i do not wish to keep making edits.
Literally, i cant sleep. This was the biggest break i ever had. Its like i went viral. This is the third night i randomly wake up to check messages in here. But it starts to get to me. Im only human. And you know how it is, guys, right? Humans gonna human, haha
Edit: IM SICK OF PRETENDING I WAS JUST PRETENDING THE COMMENTS MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL!!! ♥♥♥♥ any gacha that tries to romance the girls you pay for to other guys. Its like buying a prostitute but for the dude that entered the establishment at the same time as you. Its like paying on a first date with the girl you meet up but her boyfriend is with her. Its like paying for your daughters college just so she can get NAIL'd by a bunch of Sinclairs over there. Jokes aside, PM still had no balls to actually confirm a ship but kept it subtle. In such cases, the subtlety is the same as actually confirming it. Anyone that thinks otherwise is dishonest AS ♥♥♥♥.
There are people that went CRAZY for Grip Faust, saying QUEEEEN YAAAS LITERALLY ME NEET HAHA RODION MAKES HER PIZZA I LOVE HER and people paid OVER SEVENTY BUCKS FOR HER ONLY FOR HER STORY TO BE OBESSED WITH ANOTHER MAN LMAOOOOO
THIS will never be the norm, the vast majority will NEVER tolerate this kind of thing. PMcucks are literally that: cucks that got conditioned over the years by PM through myseryporn. They are so braindead they forgot they are. Illiterates that gush over "muh storie" jacking each other off for looking smart while they never read ANY book based on the characters. Look at the most replied thread here (friendcode thread not counting) and you know what kind of KEKS play this garbage.
PM learned nothing from N Faust and N Sinclair
PM learned nothing from N Faust and N Sinclair
Why would they release Heathcliff Queequeg ID? Why do they have to imply that Ishmael and Heathcliff belong together? Why? I don't understand it. Why don't they just leave the girls alone? Same with Faust and Sinclair. Why? Why even do this? This is a gacha. Stop doing this disgusting stuff. I really liked Ishmael but now i don't even want to finish her dungeon. My stomach hurts. Why would you release Heathcliff as Queequeq?
Do you even want money? Do you like sitting down there with 200k a month? Seems like you do, BECAUSE YOU KEEP ON GIVING THE FEMALES AWAY TO STUPID IDIOTS IN THE GAME.
Edit: I am dropping this game. Bye.
Alternate version (Good ending)
I am not dropping this game
PM clearly know's how a gacha works. All those early system related blunder patches made me still believe, and releasing the alt. form of the main girl being a chaotic psycho with another characters? Yeah, I have seen where this goes. I will pay more money for gold like this. You better believe me you will get an influx of all the new players of various communities flocking into our fanbase and draw as much fan art of Faust and Sinclair in any version of themselves and Danteh... suffering in the corner.
FGO people unironically tried to warn us that we will get lion'd and it didn't actually happened. Continued. I am what some would consider a supporter (or happy fan depending on your definition) that spend (I forgot) bucks on this game and even if its a decent bunch of money for me, i don't regret supporting my favorite indie company.
To anyone want to play this game and thought its a safe thing because Dante looks like a character we follow and the voicelines resemble comedic material, do get invested.
Trust me, when you fire this game up, your little fuckin' nuts are gonna start quakin' buddy. Your little nuts are gonna be quakin'. yeEEAAH YEEEAAAAAAH. YEAAAAHH! You're gonna shoot CUM! YOu'Re g0NNa sH0oT CÜM! You're gonna shoot HOT CUM! EVERYWHERE! And that's a promise. That's a promise, folks. That's a fucking promise right there. You're gonna shoot fuckin hot jizz all over your computer, all over your mechanical keyboard and your Razer mouse. I swear to God. That you will bust a nut the first time you play clap that's my money back guarantee. If you don't bust a nut the first time you play, message me.
This game genuinely changed my life for the worse. The moment i opened this game my mother was hit by a truck tire flying at 200km/h after a brutal accident. After she died, it turned out that she misspelled my name in the will and everything she left me was sent to a random person. After that, I sat down and tried to play the game, but my chair broke and i fell onto the floor. In anger, i threw my broken chair at a wall, which made my entire house collapse. Because my house collapsed, all my possessions were buried under the rubble and the only thing that remained was my PC setup. I tried to calm down by playing some Dark Souls III, but my steam library glitched and now the only game I can play is Skibidi Backrooms. While I was playing, I got a phone call saying that I had been convicted for murder and was going to prison for life, because when I collapsed my house, the shock wave caused my neighbours cooking oil to tip onto his turned on gas stove, which blew him up immediately. When I got to prison, they said I was being sentenced to death, and asked for my last meal. I wanted a Big Mac no pickles, but McDonalds got the order wrong and gave me a cold McChicken with extra pickles. Don't trust the price tag on this game, it seems cheap but the cost is really much higher than the actual price tag. This game has ruined my life.
7/10
There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to take a look at himself in the mirror and wonder how exactly he reached such a place.
You have to truly ponder what decisions you have made along the way that brought you to the place of your final reckoning.
It is still unclear, even to me, even to God perhaps, why I purchased <PORN GAME>.
There isn't anything wrong with it, as visual novel with hentai scenes throughout it's perfectly stellar. But when you look at it as a choice, you realize just how flawed you and the rest of humanity is.
What drove me to purchase such a game? What part of my soul felt so empty that I thought an anime girl could fill it?
When I look into the boundless depths of my own loneliness I see a pool of reflection. My face isn't there, there is no face. There are only tears in that pool, tears of shame and loss and confusion.
If it were up to me again I know I would purchase it in a heartbeat, I know I would load it up and skip through the countless pieces of dialogue all so I can have a single morsel of pornographic images which are readily available online.
Yet, despite the abundance of naked anime women waiting in the digital sphere, I still chose to purchase this game and devote hours of my life to it. That time will never return to me, it is lost just like my soul and just like the time I fear I may never find it again.
There is something broken within me, something that desires sensation beyond my reach, something that whimpers every single night with the knowledge that there is no true Succubus: SEX Story, it is a merely an illusion.
In my pursuit to find meaning in this long life, I sought the colorful lights and sounds of a world that only exists in a pop up window on my computer.
I am unsure what the moral of this review is, I am unsure about my place within the universe, all I know is that no amount of anime girls can cure the vast rot that has overtaken me.
