Okay this is kinda weird but I used to jack off to the scene where Aayla Secura gets killed. Basically when I was 13, I didn't have access to real porn, I had no internet or anything so I had to masturbate to either Viagra ads (with the women in the bikinis) or else my own drawn pictures of women in bikinis which were horrible. Also I used to kinda get a hardon when I watched people die in movies, when I was 7 or 8 I avoided war movies because they gave me a stiffy, I don't really know why. So hot chick + death = super hot, at least for me back then cause I was just starting to sexually awaken. So I fast-forwarded to her walking through the fungus trees and suddenly she gets shot and you can see her ass jiggling when she hit the ground and I would rub my penis with my hand playing that scene on repeat. Then I fucked up my DVD player by messing up A-B repeat then pulling the power which made it fuck up somehow, I don't remember I just remember panicking thinking I broke it. But anyway I used to get a huge hard-on watching her die over and over and watching her ass jiggle a bit when she hit the ground, the problem is that the camera then pans backward up toward the sky and a leaf covers her body pretty quickly so you don't get to see much, cause they keep shooting her after she dies and her ass keeps jiggling as they mutilate her corpse with their laser guns, but that stupid fucking leaf gets in the way. I remember getting so goddamn pissed at that leaf. I'd be about to cum and it'd get in the way and fucking ruin everything.
So my gf(f19), was over and we were casually watching The Empire Strikes Back(I am 19 btw). And then, the Han freezing in carbonite scene came, and when Leia said 'I love you' to him, I kissed my gf. She was taken aback, and soon she started kissing me too. I slowly pushed her down on the bed as we had more steamy, passionate and romantic kissing. In no time, our clothes were off, and I was ready to put it in. But our dumbasses forgot to pause the movie... As soon as I was putting it in, the 'I am your father' line came and I instantly got harder. My gf was loving this. I put it in her. She screamed with joy. I was also having fun. But then, the Imperial march started playing. I felt something come over me. The Sith shall rise. In my anger and lust for power I force choked my girlfriend. My journey to the Dark Side was complete. Luke's resistance and weakness to join the darkside completely enraged me. I am now marching all the way to Los Angeles to beat up Mark Hamill with my lightsaber.
If you only knew the power of the Dark Side, Luke
you ever think about how force users would be the best sex workers ever? they could use force choke or force lightning on their kinky clients, while giving force handjobs to more normal ones. they could also use the force to enhance their sexual abilities, and use the force to enlarge their sexual organs. they could even cause orgasm with the force if they wanted to, imagine yoda's massive 24 inch throbbing green cock he hid beneath that robe of his, Obi-Wan Kenobi? More like Obi-Wan CanBlowMe. Anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.
For those wondering this is how you get the good ending:
In episode II during the Padme section, make sure to have Aniken build the sand castle with you. As much as the -3 hurts the initial relationship, it pays back double. Assuming you make the correct relationship choices, instead of the usual cutscene during the sand people slaughter, Ankien will see the sandchild building the sandcastle. It will be revealed that it was a rouge sandperson that kidnapped mama skywalker. She’ll still die, but your karma will take way less of a hit.
In the Yoda Flashback make sure to complement Dooku’s new kicks. Dooku will remember this.
Make Sure as Jar Jar you steal Palpatine’s diary. Play the time ocarina perfectly. When you run across Papa Palpatine make sure to convince him that Sheev can join the bubble opera troupe and still be a man.
As painful as the product placement is, before going to Utapau, make sure to select Master Kenobi and get the can of Monster Zero Ultra WhiteTM from Master Kojima
So listen. Hear me out. When Padme and Anakin met, they were both underage: Anakin at 9 and Padme at 14. Still a questionable relationship, but not illegal or statutory rape. Furthermore, they were separated soon after meeting, as Padme went back to Naboo and Anakin became a padawan under Obi Wan. While it was obvious that Anakin was in love in episode 1, it's not really suggested that Padme was yet having sexual thoughts about Anakin. They did not meet again until episode 2, where they were both above age 18. Only then do we see Padme falling in love with Anakin. So, in conclusion, it's reasonable to assume that they never had sex until episode 2 and Padme is definitively not a pedophile.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
