South Park

It came from an episode of South Park S02 “Chef Aid” where the criminal defense lawyer tries to confuse the jury rather than refute the case of the prosecutor.

I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States. The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and attack Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis. He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which, he assured me, was nearly microscopic in size. My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet. I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty. Thank you.

My name is Craig Tucker. Last week was my birthday, my grandma gave me a check for 100 dollars. I was so happy. But then, 4 kids from my school came to my house, and said I should use my 100 dollars to invest in becoming a Peruvian flute band. they promised I would double my money in one afternoon. But the government arrested us, along with all the other Peruvian flute bands, and took us to an internment camp in Miami. We begged to go home, but instead the government told us they were sending us to Peru. And so that is why I'm now in Peru. if I die let it be known it is because of 4 guys I don't even like from my school lied to me and took my birthday money.