Let's have a stern conversation about masturbation, son. If you're going to do it while mom and dad are home, can you at least shut the door, and not be so loud about it? For god's sake, if you're going to watch pornography, at least put in headphones, we don't want to hear that shit through the Bluetooth speaker. I don't want to know that my fourteen-year-old son is into scat porn. I didn't need to hear that, but now the whole family knows. Grandma was over visiting. She was down in the dining room, eating a biscuit, drinking some tea, and the next thing we know, the Bluetooth speaker starts playing this crazy scat porn. We heard all sorts of women moaning, and fart sounds, and what can only be described as poop being used as lubricant for somebody's penis. It was distasteful. It probably didn't taste very good, because shit as far as I know, doesn't have a good flavor. I tried your mother's shit one time, and it was not that great. It was fine, probably 3/10 at best, but I wouldn't recommend it. If it was served to me on a plate, I wouldn't return to that restaurant. I would say, "You know what. This chef, he did not do his best. This shit, subpar. Not the greatest."
