Sexual intercourse. That's the answer for all of these. Every single one of you that uh "oh if you had 24 hours with me what would you.." Sexual intercourse. Every single time. We don't need to do any more. All done. You're so hot. Hubba hubba. Wanna have sex. That's it. No more. The dude that's like "Oh if I brought you Domino's and I worked at Domino's what would you do?" I'd take the pizza and I'd have sex with you. Cause you're so attractive. The girl "If I worked at Starbucks and I gave you your drink that you paid for but I looked at you, what would you do?" Intercourse. I would take you to the back and have intercourse, because I can't resist you. Okay? We're all done. There's no more. What more do we n- I need to fucking delete this app dude.
I(69M, heterosexual) last night(10/24/21 11:12 PM) got consent(verbal) from your mom(420F) to have sexual intercourse(hetero), but you(42069M) got very angry(blood pressure 100/140) and yelled(80 decibels) at me. Am I the asshole?
Yesterday I was in a daze. I had gotten into a heated argument on Reddit on whether or not r/averageredditor is filled with the same kinds of people it claims to detest. I thought I had thoroughly defeated my opponent's reasoning, but then he told me he'd fuck my mom. But when he did, I found out the hard way that his penis was so long and hard that when he put it all inside, it caused my mom's innards to be pierced by his mammoth dong. Blood and cum came all out of her vagina. The guy with the big penis came out unscathed, even though I saw shit going into his urethra. Sadly though, my mom died. RIP.
Today I was trying to overcome this great trauma by fapping to rule 34. However, a teenage fuck, also with a massive dong, thought it would be funny if he aimed his ejaculated at me through my window. However, his aim was off. But not in a good way. His cum managed to go inside of my PC case and cause it to die. My 3000tb porn collection was now completely gone. But, when I tried to do the same thing to the guy who destroyed my PC, my wimpy cock couldn't even let out one good drop of jizz.
Big penises oppress. My aunt died after deepthroating a ginormous pp. Jocks slapped me in high school with penises I could never even hope to have just to spite me. Fuck the dongicracy. Fuck the pparchy. I want these fuckers to get a taste of their own medicine, and die deepthroating the biggest dong of them all, my anime waifu's giant futa cock.
Op please just think of hugging your friend and your tummy is touching her tummy. She is same height as you and She is holding you tight. Think of how safe and warm you feel in this moment. Think of her tight jeans rubbing against your jeans. Please just think of her deep voice whispering into your ear lobe. You will probably be cumming soon after reading this and I think I will too.
It's late for me so apologies if my spelling and wording is hot garbage but just wanted to get this out of my system a bit before I go to bed.
I'm a (22M, American) who lives with my spouse (22F, American) and we are happily Frenchfree. One issue I find as someone who is not to keen on french people is how often times I feel there is no escape from being around them. Went to my friends and his twins birthday recently (it was outside and we're all full vaccinated) we're a bunch of 20 somethings so it was of course drinking, smoking weed, music, the whole shebang until his twins friend brought in a French Friend... yes a Frenchie... had to turn the music into french, stop speaking english until it had to leave a couple hours later.
I wanted to start swimming as an exercise with my gf because she loves swimming and exercising with her helps motivate me because I'm lazy af when it comes to it. OOPS SORRY! Every single pool is brimming with french people :) guess you're just gonna have to come in at 6am or 9pm if you want some peace and quiet. Uhm, no thanks.
I wanted to try going to a nudist camp group thing with my gf because I thought it might be an interesting experience for us. OOPS SORRY! Their all french friendly! No thanks.
Wanna go to burning man? French. Wanna go shopping? Frenchies. Wanna go to the park? French people. Wanna go to a shooting range? People from france. Library? French person. Circus? frenchies. Gym? french humans. Waterpark? a person from the country known as "france".
DEAR GOD CAN I JUST PLEASE BE ANYWHERE WITH JUST FRANCOPHOBES PLEASE. PLEEEEAAASE. I want to be able to swear, talk about inappropriate shit with my friends, and do things in peace... The ONLY place you can be without frenchies is a bad restaurent ... that's mainly it...
I'm not saying I think French people should be banned from everywhere, but dear lord I wish there was more non french only places and activities. Even for francophiles to have a break and exist without French people around them for 5 minutes.
Anyway long rant, going to bed.
TIFU my cupping my husbands balls and licking his nipple
Let me start this by saying we’re both pretty big trolls and we’re always fucking with each other. Our most recent battles have been “bean dipping” each other.
See bean dip: To flick a woman's (or man's) breast with the index finger. Dubbed "bean dip" because the move is similar to that of scooping up bean dip.
Anyways, the last couple of days I have decided to up the “bean dipping” and randomly cup his balls and lick his nipple creepily lol. At the fridge, making dinner, brushing teeth. Doesn’t matter. The more unexpected the better. The more I can get him to make the shocked pikachu face, the better!
So anyways. Here come the TIFU.
It’s 8am. We’re just waking up — still in bed, doing our morning cuddling. Morning time is usually our “sexy time”.
I cup his balls, lick his nipple — but this time, no pikachu face. This time…
This time he farts the raunchiest fart of all the land. And pulls the blanket over my head. I’ve been Dutch ovened, FUCK!
But things get worse. I’m gagging and he jumps out of bed and charges out of the room coughing at his own putrid-ness. I shortly follow. PUKING.
I puked. And puked. And puked.
Our room STILL smells. We have two fans and an AC unit in that bitch. And IT. STILL. SMELLS. He’s McNasty lol
TL;DR: Trolled my husband. Got Dutch ovened. Puked.
