Hello there, So basically what happened was I was browsing through Reddit but then my parents (I posted them onto r/entitledparents cause that’s what heroes do) wanted me to go to the hospital to see my grandma one last time. I really didn’t want to but I decided to go since it’s basically free r/cringetopia karma (I need enough karma to post on r/dankmemes) so then at my grandma’s bed, she was saying cringe stuff like “I always loved the smile on your face, M13 (me)” or “I really want to see you again, I love you” so then I decided to say “ok boomer” (cause it would be free r/unexpected karma) but then she passed away. My cringe parents were talking about how disrespectful that was while they were crying (LOL CAUGHT IN 4K) so then I, M13 told them that they got busted onto r/entitledparents. I was then taken to the orphanage since my parents didn’t understand any of my memes (cringe parents don’t understand 21st century humor) but at least I got to show the other kids there my funny wholesome memes.
Ok so I live next door to an older couple and their mid-twenties (I think) son. I work from home, so I'm based in the office in my attic. We've lived here for 6 years and it has always been fine, up until recently when I think they've had a house move around and now it seems the son has his bedroom in their attic which is directly next to where I'm sat. We have extremely thin walls, and I think the son works from home too. The problem is, he doesn't seem to actually do any work, he just spends the majority of the working day shaking hands with the milkman. Spanking the monkey. Battling the purple headed yoghurt slinger. Tugging the slug. I can hear EVERY fucking moan and stroke, and I even know his porn preferences because I can hear every sound and word (Older women with a sprinkling of hentai). It has gotten to the point where I can't bring my kids upstairs during the day because they keep asking me what that strange noise is and I'm running out of lies to tell. So good neighbour, on the extremely small chance you're reading this, STOP SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE DAY STROKING THE VEIN CANE AND DO SOME FUCKING WORK!
my girlfriend won't peg me. She says i'm gay. First, I am 100% straight, but I just want to be bent over have someone behind me pounding away. I want her to do that. Is it gay to want to be pegged?
My (78M) sister (17F) and I have never gotten along. One day she caught me spying on her in the shower(15M), and we got into a huge fight. So I stole her shampoo bottle(16M) and jacked off to hentai(18F) as much as possible until I filled it up all the way. I put the bottles back and the next day her hair smelled like cum(78M) and she was crying. My Mom(21F) and my dad found out and started to yell at me, so with my huge 900 inch cock(78M), I cummed(2000 Gallons) all over them and then they all drowned in cum.
I am now facing life imprisonment(200 Years) but I honestly dont think I deserve it and that they are overreacting.
So, Reddit, AITA?
EVIL pro tip: invite your friends to a sleepover and specify that you have enough sleeping accommodations for everyone then when they arrive be like "yeah all the other beds disappeared like ghosts" so everyone has to sleep in this one massive bed but it's really more like 3 california king beds attached at the sides and all your friends reluctantly accept and spread a rumor to different random people that you and x friend slept together (technically true) to cause chaos. once the rumor has reached a sufficient number of people such that your other friends are discussing the rumors like the climax of an episode of a mediocre sitcom, propose to all of your friends at once then immediately say lol get fucked and ride away on your motorbike, never to be seen again
So a month ago I went on a little trip to spain. On the way back out plane had to stop in Italy for 2 hours. I managed to shit once in spain, once in Italy and once in my home country upon arrival, so I managed to shit in 3 different countries in the span of 12 hours. Is this an accomplishment? Of course I won't put it in my CV, but do you know someone that has done something similar? Anyway, I call it the trifecta, you rae more than welcome to attempt doing it.
Edit: Thank you all for the support in the comments. I did not expect this much positive feedback, I'm literally shaking rn. Next summer I'll attempt the fourfecta. Will let you know how it goes
