This happened a few days ago, but the effects have only become truly apparent in the last day or so.
As a man, I always found it deeply unfair that genetics would grant me a paucity of hair on my chin, but an abundance in my arsecrack. Equally, it seemed some odd evolutionary jest that we should need hair around our buttholes. It makes about as much sense to me as trying to clean peanut butter from a hessian rug with a piece of tissue paper. What possible reason could I have for needing hair there?
With these thoughts in mind, I decided it was time to defy God and his cruel designs, and shave my asshole. Things were great for about an hour, and the regret began to settle in.
Let me educate you about the things you might expect if you decide to follow my path:
1. My farts now come out of the top of my ass crack. With the hair that previously prevented my cheeks from forming a seal removed, my farts now form a cavity of air that travels up my ass crack and out the top. This is very unnerving. Sort of like having your farts walk up your back.
2. Friction. This should have been obvious and I was a fool to miss it. My butt cheeks now rub together, and while it isn't chafing or painful, it feels weird and I'm not getting used to it.
3. Stubble. Oh my god, the stubble. I used a razor to shave, and now I have the homegrown equivalent of a brillo pad tearing my delicate ring apart. When it isn't scratchy, it's itchy. And it's itching my actual asshole, not just the cheeks. This is the part I'm currently suffering from the most.
Needless to say, all this friction against my tight little starfish has induced numerous unwanted orgasms both in public and at home. Fellow Redditors be warned, if you don't want to jizz your pants when the cute underage cashier at the grocery store smiles at you because your jeans chafed against your freshly-shaven crack, causing you to suddenly fantasize about her pegging you, do not make the same mistake as me.
Cleanup on aisle 4 ;)
