My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?
Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull
Title pretty much says it all. What do you good bros of reddit think - AITA?
She (25 f) is being very ungrateful and hostile even though I (29 M) am letting her live with me RENT FREE since she lost her job. She worked with me at the Verizon store but has since then started doing cam work, reading feminist literature, and following religious blogs. She's also on Instagram a lot, and I saw her watching Gilmore Girls on her iphone XR the other day. I think one or all of these media are influencing her to feel entitled even though I'm letting her stay here stay RENT FREE.
Edit 1: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
Edit 2: Wow 10k updoots. This is my highest updooted post now.
Edit 3: Thanks guys. I can't see what I did wrong either. She's just really entitled, I think.
Edit 4: A few of you asked for a bit more context. NO, there is no "intermediate cause and effect sequence" between when I allowed her to stay vs when she became ungrateful. I let her live with me RENT FREE, she started watching Gilmore Girls, and now she's claiming I'm the asshole. There's nothing else to say.
Edit 6: Thanks for the platinum kind stranger!
Edit 7: No, I didn't ask why she's upset. I'm letting her live with me RENT FREE and I don't owe her anything.. She's just entitled as many younger women are.
Edit 8: No, nothing could have "set her off" or "alarmed" her. I'm really quiet and she's a heavy sleeper.
Edit 9: Bros I don't know what to do she's leaving oh god.
Edit 10: Sorry, the last edit should have been Edit 9.
Edit 11: Wait I forgot I could change the edit numbers in an edit.
Edit 12: Ignore the last two edits.
Edit 13: Wait ignore that last edit and this one too.
Edit 14: I tried telling her Reddit said I'm not the asshole she's still going away bros this is so scary.
Edit 15: Okay so AGAIN, she's a really heavy sleeper so I don’t know what could have triggered her :( Only thing that comes to mind is about a week ago when I asked if I could sniff her asshole after she relieved herself, but nothing that would explain why she'd be ungrateful since I'm letting her live here RENT FREE.
Edit 16: wow 20K updoots
I (22M, big dick, dropshipping got me an 8 figure salary, fucking hate cats) recently allowed my cousin Jennifer (30F, breeder, ultra religious, unmarried) to move in with me after she was temporarily laid off (Starbucks).
This morning after I rolled out of bed and kissed my gf and her sister (25F, twins, DDD tits that I paid for, I like the sister more), I asked my chef Lucas (idk M, hot, gay) to whip up some eggs for us (scrambled, shredded cheese on top) and we were called to breakfast when it was ready (7:30am EST). My cousin trudged down the stairs and slopped her child-bearing belly baking her future crotch goblin onto the counter (Calcutta marble) as she sat down (I think I heard my Bistro 31” Swivel Bar Stool crack, should I sue?)
I politely asked if she was hungry, to which she snorted, licked her chops, and practically came as she said yes. Lucas scooped a couple spoonfuls of egg onto her plate (Le Frenchies Dessert Plates, gift from daddy) and poured her a hot cup of coffee (Haviland Brandenburg Gold Tea Set from Neiman Marcus, also a gift from daddy). She shoveled the eggs into her cakehole and asked who made breakfast while she waddled over to the pan (nonstick) to get more. I replied “Lucas”, to which she immediately started SCREECHING like a fucking banshee about how she didn’t want a insert bad word for gay touching her food. I grabbed a cup of water (Brita filtered) and used it to douse the fiery demon spewing hatred in my kitchen and immediately kicked her out.
My phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max, got it early) has been blowing up all day. AITA? :/
Edit: wow this blew up, don’t upvote Jennifer might see it, also the baby is mine, incest karma please?
Using an alt account because of people trace this back to me my reelection chances might get hurt.
I (74M) am finishing up my first term as President of the United States of America. Let me tell you, America is an incredible country, probably one of the best countries in the whole nation. As my reelection comes closer and closer, my opponent Sleepy Joe has been leading in approval ratings, and I began to get worried. Let me tell you, I am the best at being worried. Just ask anybody in my administration, I get worried like no other president. Anyways, I was considering putting Sleepy Joe to sleep for good, which I think is a service not only to his family, but also the nation as a whole. I was going to ask my good pal Putin to borrow some of that poison he’s using to silence the libtards in his country. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
EDIT: I’m not Donald Trump.
EDIT 2: Stop saying I’m Donald Trump.
EDIT 3: Bitches I got the nuclear launch codes keep testing me and you can say bye bye to the Caribbean’s.
EDIT 4: Adios Bahamas.
REAL EDIT (Ignore if not the FBI): For legal reasons, this is all revolving a Minecraft server with my friends, not the current political events surrounding the United States. No public officials are being threatened here, just my friends virtual avatar. Don’t worry FBI, we’re all good.
To put it simply, I'm a gamer, a die hard one in fact. I'm someone who absolutely despises politics in my video games. I remember coming home from school ready to play apolitical gems such as Bioshock and MGS with a nice plate of chicken nuggies (my mom made) at my side.
But those days are over, now its normal for a black person to not be a walking stereotype, and for women to no longer just be sex objects. Whenever I see 2 women kissing in my games (not in porn) I almost cry and think of how the neo-Marxist-SJW-gay agenda has ruined video games and traditional gaming values.
And after learning about this, I realize that my only black friend I have is political! It's sad to say that as we've been friends since the good ol MW2 lobbies. He didn't approve of me saying the n-word constantly but we still got along!
So I decided to tell him that I didn't approve of him inserting his political agenda into my life and I cut all ties with him. Although he didn't really seem to care when I told him, he just called me a racist basement dweller without a job. (Him calling me a racist is the only part that isn't true) Our relationship kinda fell out of place when I accidentally called him a racial slur. (Heated gamer moment)
Anyways I just wrote this to see if you guys think I did the right thing.
