I beat a child. He was just staring at me with his big, stupid face while I ate my delicious 8oz steak. His snot flapping in his nostrils and his eyes blinking out of sync infuriated me. The final straw was when he had the audacity to take a drink of his chocolate milk with his stupid idiot lips. I took my steak knife, which was stained with steak sauce and juices, and I stabbed him in the eyeball 98 times. I then proceeded to dumb an entire bottle of ketchup into his mouth as he screamed in pain. It gurgled with the force of a volcano. Finally, he stopped breathing altogether, and his mother called the police. When the police arrived, I used my half-eaten steak to beat them both to death, then I ran out, stripped off all my clothes, and ran naked through the local daycare, screaming “98 STAB WOUNDS” until I finally was apprehended by the authorities. I am facing 13 life sentences without parole.
