Dear (User)
I have personally reached out to you because of how your argument has affected me. Thus, I would like to go out of my way to congratulate you on developing such a powerful and convincing claim. Your wording and techniques used to enforce your argument are that of an English Major who aced Harvard. Truly, your opinions delivered through your words cannot be outmatched.
And while I see the thought, time, and serious dedication you have developed into a masterpiece truly ahead of our time, I hate to be the barer of rather unfortunate news. It has come to my attention that I have recently been in contact with your female parental figure, more commonly know as your “mother.” To be more specific, I have engaged in large amounts of physical intimacy with her, one could almost refer to as “sexual intercourse.” I apologize for the inconvenience this have may caused you.
Sincerely,
(Sender),
