Does the pope shit in his hat?
I don't know if he shits in his own hat, but he's shit in mine quite a few times. I don't know how or why he does it, but at least a couple times a year, I'll be in my apartment by myself, just living my life, and all of a sudden I'll hear this loud moan followed by giggling and an absolutely horrific smell. At this point I know it's him once I hear the moan, so I get up to try to catch him, but before I can, he's already in the front doorway giving me this stupid smirk. I always try to reach out and grab him, but he just winks and runs off to the Popemobile idling outside.
Just to be clear, I live in Chicago, not the Vatican, and as far as I can tell, he's coming out here just to shit in my hat. There are no big news stories about him visiting or anything like that, but there is a page in an official Vatican site that shows his travel schedule and it always says he had to make a brief visit for "holy administrative purposes". It's also worth noting that he's in full the full Pope outfit when he does this, so it's pretty impressive that he can move as fast as he does, especially considering his age.
