Own a musket for home defense copypasta

I own an M1 Abrams for base defense, just as the Founding Fathers intended

Its the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to tanks.

I own an M1 Abrams for base defense, just as the Founding Fathers intended!

4 T-90s break into my hangar.

I yell “What the devil?!” As I grab my composite helmet and an M829A1 round.

I blow a golf ball sized hole in the first T-90, they explode on the spot.

I fire HEAT-FS at the second T-90, and it misses because the T-90 dodged and nails the Warrior IFV next door.

I load an experimental APFSDS round and yell “Tally Ho, lads!” It over-penetrates the first T-90 and destroys the other right behind it, the sound and shrapnel sound off base alarms.

I fix the engineering dozer and charge the last terrified T-90, flipping it into a ditch. The tank runs out of gas while waiting for the MPs to arrive because the crew’s shock is impossible to treat.

Just as the Founding Fathers intended.

I own a Pulse Carbine for Home Defence

Its the ‘Own a musket for home defense‘ copypyasta but changed to the Pulse Carbine from Warhammer 40k.

Own a Pulse Carbine for home defense, since that's what Aun’va intended. Four Gue’la break into my reasonably sized state issued accomodation. "By the Tau’va!" As I grab my Fio’Tak Combat Armor and Pulse Carbine. Burn a man sized hole through the first gue’la, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I don’t have ‘For The Greater Good’ activated, and nail one of the neighbours 250 kroot hounds. I have to resort to the Pulse Blast Cannon mounted at the top of the stairs, set to focused. "FOR TAU TO PROSPER, IT WILL BE SO" the small star shreds two Gue’la in the blast, the sound and extreme heat set off Devilfish alarms. I grab my close combat weapon and charge the last terrified rapscallion. I bleed out waiting on the medic drones to arrive since trangular lasrifle-bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as Aun'va intended

I own a shotgun for home defense Borderlands edition

Its the “own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed into Borderlands universe.

I own a shotgun for home defense, since that's what Singleton Talbot Jakobs intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my monogrammed bathrobe and double-barrelled pump-action. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I'm half blind and nail a chandelier. I've to resort to the secret trap activated by pullin' a fake book, "See ya in hell boys" the trapdoor sends two men to their deaths, the sound of their screams agitate the saurians outside. Get out the fancy hand-carved bone knife my husband gave me and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting for the robo-butlers to arrive since wounds from serrated weapons are near impossible to stitch up. Just as Singleton intended.

I Own a Magnuvisor for the Rider Battle, since that’s what Kanzaki Shiro intended

I Own a Magnuvisor for the Rider Battle, since that's what Kanzaki Shiro intended. Four Blank Riders break into my house. "Nani?!" As I henshin and unholster my Magnuvisor. Blow a hole through the first Rider, he's dead on the spot. Draw my Gigalauncher on the second Rider, miss him entirely because it's to heavy and explodes the neighbours Contract Monster. I have to resort to summoning my contract monster at the top of the stairs loaded with a Final Vent card, "Useless" the bullets, lasers and rockets shred the two Riders in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Insert strike vent card into Magnuvisor and charge the last terrified Rider. He gets erased from existence waiting for the Police to arrive since we're in the Mirror World, just as Kanzaki Shiro intended.

The original copypasta was “Own a musket for home defense“

Own a sword for manor defence

Own a sword for manor defence, since that's what the Magna Carta intended. Four heathens break into my cottage. "What in the Lord's name?" As I grab my aventail bascinet and windlass arbalest. Punch a bolt through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Throw a pot of naft at the second man and miss entirely since it's a hand thrown grenade in the dark and burns down the neighbour's harvest causing them to starve in the winter. I have to resort to the pot of boiling oil at the top of the hay loft "Deus Lo Vult!" The boiling oil completely drenches two men and cause them to scream in agony and writhe on the ground, racked with incomprehensible pain. The screams of pain frightens horses in nearby stables. Draw sword and charge the last terrified infidel. He bleeds out with no one to assist him since this is Feudal Europe and nobody gives a shit. Just as the Magna Carta intended.

Own a musket for home defense

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.