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Own a musket for home defense copypasta


Gears of War I own a Torque Bow for home defense

    Its the ‘Own a musket for home defense‘ copypasta but changed into Gears of War universe.

    I own a Torque Bow for home defense, since that’s what The Allfathers intended.

Four drones break into my house. I shouted, “Jeez Louise, what the fuck!”

I grabbed my cog helmet and Torque Bow, and blow the first locust into bloody chunks, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my snub pistol on the second grub, miss him entirely because its accuracy sucks and nails the neighbors pet ticker.

I have to resort to the hammer of dawn I have at the top of the stairs, “eat dirt and die motherfucker!” the hammer turns the two grubs into dust, the shockwaves set off car alarms.

Grab my retro lancer and charge the last terrified locust. He bleeds out waiting for Myrrah to save him since bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.

Ah yes,

Just as The Allfathers intended

    Own an M1 for home defense because it’s the greatest battle implement ever devised

      M1 Garand and M1911 pistol copypasta

      Based on the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to the M1 Garand and M1911 pistol.

      Own an M1 for home defense because it’s the greatest battle implement ever devised. Four Nazis break into my house. “What the fuck?” As I grab my M1 helmet and M1 rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my M1911 on the second man, miss him entirely because its sights suck and nails the neighbor’s Edsel. I have to resort to the Ma Duece mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with AP, “Remember Malmedy!” The AP shreds two men in a single burst, the sound and shrapnel set off car alarms. I fix my bayonet and charge the last terrified kraut; he bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since I shot him afterwards with the M1911. Just as John Garand, John Moses Browning and George S. Patton intended.

      I own an M1 Abrams for base defense, just as the Founding Fathers intended

        Own an M1 Abrams for home defense

        Its the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to tanks.

        I own an M1 Abrams for base defense, just as the Founding Fathers intended!

4 T-90s break into my hangar.

I yell “What the devil?!” As I grab my composite helmet and an M829A1 round.

I blow a golf ball sized hole in the first T-90, they explode on the spot.

I fire HEAT-FS at the second T-90, and it misses because the T-90 dodged and nails the Warrior IFV next door.

I load an experimental APFSDS round and yell “Tally Ho, lads!” It over-penetrates the first T-90 and destroys the other right behind it, the sound and shrapnel sound off base alarms.

I fix the engineering dozer and charge the last terrified T-90, flipping it into a ditch. The tank runs out of gas while waiting for the MPs to arrive because the crew’s shock is impossible to treat.

Just as the Founding Fathers intended.

        I own a Pulse Carbine for Home Defence

          Its the ‘Own a musket for home defense‘ copypyasta but changed to the Pulse Carbine from Warhammer 40k.

          Own a Pulse Carbine for home defense, since that's what Aun’va intended. Four Gue’la break into my reasonably sized state issued accomodation. "By the Tau’va!" As I grab my Fio’Tak Combat Armor and Pulse Carbine. Burn a man sized hole through the first gue’la, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I don’t have ‘For The Greater Good’ activated, and nail one of the neighbours 250 kroot hounds. I have to resort to the Pulse Blast Cannon mounted at the top of the stairs, set to focused. "FOR TAU TO PROSPER, IT WILL BE SO" the small star shreds two Gue’la in the blast, the sound and extreme heat set off Devilfish alarms. I grab my close combat weapon and charge the last terrified rapscallion. I bleed out waiting on the medic drones to arrive since trangular lasrifle-bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as Aun'va intended

          I own a shotgun for home defense Borderlands edition

            Its the “own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed into Borderlands universe. 

            I own a shotgun for home defense, since that's what Singleton Talbot Jakobs intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my monogrammed bathrobe and double-barrelled pump-action. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because I'm half blind and nail a chandelier. I've to resort to the secret trap activated by pullin' a fake book, "See ya in hell boys" the trapdoor sends two men to their deaths, the sound of their screams agitate the saurians outside. Get out the fancy hand-carved bone knife my husband gave me and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting for the robo-butlers to arrive since wounds from serrated weapons are near impossible to stitch up. Just as Singleton intended.

            I Own a Magnuvisor for the Rider Battle, since that’s what Kanzaki Shiro intended

              I Own a Magnuvisor for the Rider Battle, since that's what Kanzaki Shiro intended. Four Blank Riders break into my house. "Nani?!" As I henshin and unholster my Magnuvisor. Blow a hole through the first Rider, he's dead on the spot. Draw my Gigalauncher on the second Rider, miss him entirely because it's to heavy and explodes the neighbours Contract Monster. I have to resort to summoning my contract monster at the top of the stairs loaded with a Final Vent card, "Useless" the bullets, lasers and rockets shred the two Riders in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Insert strike vent card into Magnuvisor and charge the last terrified Rider. He gets erased from existence waiting for the Police to arrive since we're in the Mirror World, just as Kanzaki Shiro intended.

              The original copypasta was “Own a musket for home defense“