A liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist "Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"
At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.
"How old is this rock?"
The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"
"Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now"
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears.
The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.
The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.
Semper Fi
I was only 16 years old. I loved communism so much, I had all the treatises and propaganda posters. I prayed to Marx every night to thank him for the dialectical materialism I had been given. "Workers of the world unite," I said, "you have nothing to lose but your chains." My boss hears me, and calls me a tankie. I knew he was jealous of my commitment to the revolution. I called him a reactionary fascist. He slaps me and sends me to work for a wage. I'm crying now, and I'm alienated from my labor. I lay in my bed, and I'm poor. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Karl Marx. I am so happy. He whispers in my ear, "Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution." He grabs me with his powerful hands and places me on my knees. I am ready. I organize a labor union for Karl Marx. He throws reactionaries into the gulag. It hurts so much, but I do it for Marx. I take up arms against the bourgeoisie. I want to contribute to the revolution. He roars a mighty roar as he fills my life with class consciousness. My boss walks in. Karl looks him straight in the eye and says, "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." Marx leaves through the window. Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains.
