Honkai Star Rail

Raw. Yes you heard me right. Raw.

Came from a post on the Honkai Star Rail Husbandos after the released of Amphoreus trailer that teased upcoming male characters.

Raw. Yes you heard me right. Raw. I want this man to do unspeakable things to me. I want him to be the iceberg to my Titanic, the key to my paradise, the Wi-Fi to my phone, the charger to my phone so I can plug him in me and stay that way. Since his first teaser, he hasn't let go of his chokehold on me and this trailer didn't help one bit. I am in intensive care because of this man's muscles tight around my neck. I want it all day, night, morning, evening, afternoon and every other time there is that I can't think of. I know that we are all in the same boat when I say I want this man to absolutely annihilate, obliterate and eradicate me. I want him to crack my back like a glowstick and lock me up in his dungeon. I physically cannot contain myself any longer. Ever since his release, I've spent every day checking subs in the hopes that someone with art talents would satisfy my needs. I want to sit on his throne while he is sitting on his throne if you catch my drift. I want to be that necklace around his neck so that I can feel those pecs all day. Raw, only lube being from me slobbing his knob and him eating me out. Cowgirl position while he sits on that throne and spreads my cheeks open with his gauntlets still on. Raw, on the bed, on the table, on the floor, on the wall, on the couch, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bathroom, doggystyle, all fours, riding, reverse cowgirl... This man could choke me, throw me, step on me, and I'd still kiss his feet, I want this man to chain me up, blindfold me and use me till I'm broken.

( I'm willing to bear his children, even if it's just once pls, 🛐🛐🛐 ) UWOOOH

Raw. Yes you heard me right. Raw. I want this man to do unspeakable things to me. I want him to be the iceberg to my Titanic, the key to my paradise, the Wi-Fi to my phone, the charger to my phone so I can plug him in me and stay that way. Since his first teaser, he hasn't let go of his chokehold on me and this trailer didn't help one bit. I am in intensive care because of this man's muscles tight around my neck. I want it all day, night, morning, evening, afternoon and every other time there is that I can't think of. I know that we are all in the same boat when I say I want this man to absolutely annihilate, obliterate and eradicate me. I want him to crack my back like a glowstick and lock me up in his dungeon. I physically cannot contain myself any longer. Ever since his release, I've spent every day checking subs in the hopes that someone with art talents would satisfy my needs. I want to sit on his throne while he is sitting on his throne if you catch my drift. I want to be that necklace around his neck so that I can feel those pecs all day.

Thank you for coming to my pep talk.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Lingsha.

Its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Lingsha, a healer that also damages from Honkai Star Rail.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Lingsha. I try to play Yunli. My Lingsha deals more damage. I try to play Acheron. My Lingsha deals more damage. I try to play Feixiao. My Lingsha deals more damage. I want to play Firefly. Her best team has Lingsha. I want to play Boothill, Rappa. They both want Lingsha.

She grabs me by the throat. I farmed Iron Cavalry for her. I built crit stats for her. I give her "What is Real?". She isn't satisfied. I pull "Dream's Montage". "I don't need this much speed" She tells me. "Give me more break effect." She grabs Sunday and forces him to Beatify her. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with "Scent Alone Stays True".

I can't pull for "Scent Alone Stays True", I don't have enough stellar jades. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Fuyuan. She says "Fuyuan, get them." There is no hint of sadness in its eyes. Nothing but pure, Super Break damage. What a cruel world.

The year is 2040 in Honkai Star Rail

Every enemy now has over ten billion hp and one shots every character on field.

Acheron, Firefly and Feixiao have been dropped to T-76. Reports have it that Firefly has taken to the selling SAM barbecued gyros on the streets of Penacony to make ends meet after getting dropped so hard. Acheron's whereabouts are unknown.

With the release of the 5* Harmony, John Honkai, an expy from HI3 who the fans can't stop spoiling the story of, Jing Yuan has yet again reached top tier, hitting T(√-1) and he has since escaped the game to torment our reality. Pitch Dark Hook the Great is also T(√-1). No one is sure why.

The most recent relic set has the following description:

2 Pieces: If character is named (newest 5* character), make them viable. If not, do nothing.

4 Pieces: If character is named (newest 5* character), make them instantly clear 36* MoC, do your dishes and kiss you into bed. If not, banish them from this wretched world.

Humanity has fallen. Due to global warming and Jing Yuan personally massacring 90% of humanity after seeing all the Yanqing slander on the internet, the remnants of humanity now rally in great sea-faring ships, waging endless war for resources like Stellar Jades and relics with double crit rolls.

Of the ships, the largest is the RatUrine, comprised of the inhabitants of the Yaoi nation. It is closely followed by TopUrine. There likely exist other non-Urine related ships, of the old yuri and yaoi nations (and possibly the mythical allegedly existent straight nation), but they have fallen to irrelevance...

...with the exception of the self insert armada, a collection of infinite ships that need neither foundation nor proof to exist. All they require is sheer willpower. Without love, it cannot be seen. With love, we are omnipotent. Were it not for constant infighting between the Stelle and Caelus factions, they would have long dwarfed the Urine ships.

Hoyoverse has now become a true universe. But their words were lies. The otaku did not save the world. They destroyed it.

The Bronya now controls all of humanity's resources. It is unknown what she does with them. Some suspect she uses them to continue investing in the worst gameplay design possible so that one day, she can advance power creep such that new units are T5 at launch.

Then, perhaps, mankind will move fast enough to escape light.

...Screwllum still hasn't released.

Fin.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Robin.

Its a variation of the Xiangling copypasta but changed into Robin from Honkai Star Rail.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Robin. I try to play Sparkle. My Robin buffs the team more. I try to play Ruan Mei. My Robin is still the BiS support. I want to play Feixiao. Her best team has Robin. I want to play Kafka, Aglaea. They both want Robin. She grabs me by the throat. I sing for her. I cook for her. I give her For Tomorrow’s Journey. She isn’t satisfied. I pull But the Battle isn’t Over. “I don’t need this much ER." she tells me. “Give me 100% ult uptime.” She grabs Sunday and forces him to recite Charmony Dove to enemies. “You just need to funnel me more. I can support your team more with Flowing Nightglow.” I can’t pull for Flowing Nightglow, I don’t have enough stellar jades. She grabs my credit card. It declines. “Guess this is the end.” She grabs her microphone. She says “Welcome to my world.” There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure, 100% action advance. What a cruel world.

HSR “DoT, I play DoT teams.”

Its a story of a guy losing his date for playing Damage over Time (DoT) team in Honkai Star Rail. The original source is from a video description from Bilibili. It has been translated to English and used as a meme to poke fun at how weak DoT archetype is in the game. The meme is also known as “I told a girl I played DoT team”.

Recently, I talked to a girl about HSR at a posh restaurant, it did not go well.

She straight up asked me:

"Hey, what kind of team do you play the most?"

Upon hearing this question, my heart tightened, I began to have an intense panic attack and almost choked. So I gave my response:

"Y'know, the one that got good recently?"

I could see it in her eyes, a small flash of excitement.

"Oh? Hyperbreak? I love hyperbreak."

I immediately tried to explain.
"N-no-"

"Then FUA? "

"Sorry, I-"

"Acheron? She's not bad."

"Also no..."

At this point, my head was already buried in my chest. I dared not even lift my head up, I was already sweating bullets, and the atmosphere was so awkward my twitching feet could almost penetrate a hole through the marble flooring.

"You play mono quantum? Then I'd agree it's pretty hard to say that so openly." Her expression was already that of astonishment.

In this day and age, those who would play 4 quantum are few in number. Either they still cling to old hopes and sometimes OD on copium, or they are deranged in the mind. Quite pitiful they are. I felt her empathetic gaze on my neck, it shook me intensely like the 50/50s I've lost to Welt Yang and Yanqing pulling for my characters. I felt my face fluster, my breath get heavy, and my head dazed. I tried my damned hardest to calm my quivering legs and clenched my teeth to say the words I was about to say next. This took the last of my strength:

"Not that either!"

These words were wilted when they came out of my mouth, it's no more audible than a needle falling to a dancefloor. Though, I promise this was the loudest that I could speak at that time. I looked up. her expression changed completely. There was a brief moment of dreadful silence.

"Then.... what team do you play? I thought the game only had these teams?"

Every single word she spoke struck me like hammers nailing down the last few pegs of the coffin to my weak heart. I was awestruck, my soul rended apart by the sharpness of her words. Then, I could hold it in no more. Along with my words, a few strong-willed yet aggrieved tears rolled out of the corner of my eye.

"DoT, I play DoT teams."

When I said that abbreviation, the discussions around us stopped, leaving me to wallop in the silence between my occasional sniffles. Feeling the pitiful gaze from passersby around me, I felt like an orphan dragging their disabled body to beg for spare change on the streets of Belobog. I held my face in my hands, I was too embarrassed to let anyone see my miserable state.

She turned to leave. At this point, tears already washed my face, I was on the floor, my two arms gripped on her ankles, and didn't dare let go. I was a clown to the people around me. The last words that I let out that day before being dragged out by the security and falling into unconsciousness were spoken at that very moment.

"So what my damage is low? It's not like it's unplayable! It will be good in the future! The devs will make a good environment and buffs for it."

Original CN version from Bilibili

昨天跟初恋见面，她直接问我：“你星铁玩什么队？”我心中一紧，有些慌不择路：“就，就最近还行的那个。”女生眼神中流露出一点兴趣，问：“流萤超击破队？”我连忙低声解释：“不是。”“那一定是黄泉太后咯？”“不是......”“追击队么？那也还行呀？”女生兴致勃勃。“也不是，我......”坐立不安的我不敢抬头，与地面垂直的脚尖恨不得把地板凿穿。⁡“量子队吗？那确实有点不好开口......”女生表情讶异。这个年代，肯玩冷门弱势配队的玩家已经很少见了，他们不是游戏理解有问题，就是脑子有病，挺可怜的。感受到她向我投来的关切目光，我的身体像筛糠一般猛烈颤抖，我感到脸颊发烫，头晕目眩。汗流浃背的我死死按住哆嗦个不停的双腿，咬紧牙关，使出最后的力气从嗓子里挤出来几个字：“也，也不是！”⁡这声音尽管细弱蚊游，宛如一根针掉在嘈杂的舞池中，但我敢保证这已经是此时的我能喊出的最大音量了。随着这句话一出口，对面的女生瞬间变了脸色她仿佛是难以置信我刚才的话，表情肃穆，缓了半天才开口：“那你...玩的，是什么队？整个游戏好像就只有这些了吧？”女生这话里的一句一字都像是狠狠砸下的巨锤一般，一下又一下地夯击着我那脆弱的心灵。⁡我发愣在原地良久。被这句灵魂拷问摧残了良久。最终，我再也绷不住了，委屈的眼泪倔强地从眼角挤出：“我，我玩dot的......”一听到dot，原本略有喧闹的周围瞬间安静下来，只留下我接连抽鼻涕的呜咽声。感受到周围人向我投来怜悯的目光，像是看到一个身体残疾患有唐氏综合症的可怜孤儿在拖着羸弱的身躯沿街乞讨一般。让目光让我如芒在背，我死死捂着脸，低着头，不敢让别人看到我的狼狈模样。⁡此时的我已被泪水洗刷面庞，双手死死环抱住将要离去女孩的一条腿不肯松开，在围观的路人面前上演着一出精彩的闹剧，活像个小丑 m 。但我仍竭尽全力呐喊着，试图为自己辩解：“伤害只是低了点！又怎么样！又不是不能玩！未来会可期的！策划会给环境的！”

I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Charmony Doves

Its a crossover between the Xiangling copypasta from Genshin and Charmony Dove brainrot from Honkai Star Rail.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Charmony Doves. I try to play HSR. I am reminded of Charmony Doves. I try to browse r/HonkaiStarRail. Charmony Dove gives me brainrot. I try to go to sleep. I hear Sunday's monologue. I want to make a Slumbernana meme. It ends up being Charmony Doves. I want to play Genshin, ZZZ - they both remind me of Charmony Doves. Sunday grabs me by the throat. I sing for him. I fashion a cage. I give him my freedom. He isn't satisfied. I pull Robin. "One day, after dinner, while my younger sister and I were lounging about in Mr. Gopher Wood's yard, we spotted a fledgling Charmony Dove all on its own." He tells me. "That baby bird was tiny, it didn't even have all of its feathers, and it couldn't sing." He grabs Numby and forces him to throw himself at enemies. "When we found it, it was already on its last breath, having fallen into a shrub — probably abandoned by its parents. We decided to build a nest for it right there and then." I can't listen anymore, I don't have enough brain cells. He grabs my phone. It breaks down. "Faced with this situation, what choice would you make? Stick to the original plan, and build a nest with soft net where the Charmony Dove fell? Or build a cage for it, and feed it, giving it the utmost care from within the warmth of a home? I eagerly await your answer." He grabs a Charmony Dove. He says "One day, after dinner, while my younger sister and I were lounging about in Mr. Gopher Wood's yard, we spotted a fledgling Charmony Dove all on its own." There is no hint of reason in his eyes. Nothing but pure, brainrot-inducing Charmony Dove copypasta. What a cruel world.