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Genshin Impact Copypasta


Whats the hurry? DODGE THIS 🌊🌊

    Whats the hurry? DODGE THIS 🌊🌊🌊 🚶‍♂️🏝 🌊🌊🧊🚶‍♂️  🏝 DODGE THIS KOITSU WA ✨dou da✨ 🌊🧊🚶‍♂️🌊 🏝  COOL IT 🧊 🚶‍♂️🌊 🌊 🏝  FREEZE OTONASHI

    I want to impregnate Keqing so bad

      Keqing is a playable character in the game Genshin Impact.
      Please God, I want to impregnate Keqing so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child-bearing hips. That beautiful, radiant white angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins.
      
      Keqing is beyond divine. I can't help but drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure. I yearn for her in a way both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in United States history just to lick the sweet, glistening sweat from her smooth, creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her, I want to hear her heart race as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union.
      
      I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich coconut milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection. I would stir her velvety Samoan cream into my coffee and let my balls boil in it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out, and then some. I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment.
      
      She's so perfect it hurts. Every moment without her I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot sauce forced through every orifice of my body. I want her, I need her. I want to desecrate her pure, white pantsuit. want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out. I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy, perverse words into my ear while she slides ice cubes down my gaping pisshole.
      
      I want to fuck her like she owes me money. I would let her step on me, just to feel the soft, firm warmth of her feet upon my face and groin area. I would sleep under her just to catch her drool in my mouth. I would fish the strands of hair from her shower drain just to smell her alluring scent, and braid them into necklaces to keep her with me always. Or cock rings. Whichever would please her more. God please, I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life, all my hopes and dreams, just to become the socks on her feet so that I may warm her mouthwatering toes with my very being, so that she may feel the heat of my love always. I would encase myself in cement and become her doorstep, so that she may wipe her heels upon my face. I would tear my own limbs off. I don't know what i'd do after that, or why she might want my limbs. But i would do it.
      
      My queen, my goddess, the light of my life. Please God, let me have her. I want her to be mine and only mine. I would lick the Doritos dust from her fingers and fill her belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give her a sponge-bath with my tongue every morning and serve her breakfast in bed. I would let her eat her eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased her, no matter how painful the third-degree burns would be.
      
      I would bear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of her car but once. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, nothing I wouldn't say. I would beat my own mother to death with my engorged penis if it would bring a smile to Keqing's shining face. I wouldn't even let myself cum until she gave me permission. I love you, Keqing. Please. Be mine. Be my wife, my lover, my everything. Say yes. I see it in your eyes, when you're up there on that debate stage talking about Syria or whatever. Answer my calls, respond to my letters. Something. Give me a sign, Keqing. I'm waiting for you.

      yee yee ass cat ears – Genshin

        Keqing mains on suicide watch
        Ah neko don’t hate me because I’m overpowered neko. Maybe if you got rid of those yee yee ass cat ears you’d get some travellers under yo skirt. Oh, better yet, maybe Aether will call your fake feline ass after he’s done fuckin’ with that funeral consultant or fatui harbinger he fuckin’ with ~~~Yuheng
        Hey can an Adeptus come up in yo crib?
        
        Girl fuck you, I'll see you at the Jade Chamber.
        
        Ah Keqing don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful Keqing. Maybe if you got rid of that old yee-yee ass cat-ears you got you'd get some Rex Lapis dick. Oh, better yet, maybe Aether'll call your cat ass if he ever stopped fucking with that astrologist or acting grandmaster he fucking with.
        
        Keqing...
        Ah, don't hate me Keqing cause I'm beautiful. Maybe if you got rid of that yee-yee ass hairstyle, you'd get Aether on your skirt. Better yet, Aether would stop talking to Zhongli or Childe he hanging out with. See~ya.

        To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Zhong Li

          i WiLl hAVe OrDer!
          To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Zhong Li. His gameplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical mathematics most of his skills will go over a typical gamer's head. There's also Zhong Li's outlook on humanity, which is deftly woven into his gameplay- his apparent uselessness in combat symbolizes him passing the torch onto the Liyue Qixing, for instance. Only real gamers understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate that Zhong Li is not a DPS, and also to realise that he is also not a Support, Burster or Tank - that his true value lies outside of combat. As a consequence people who dislike Zhong Li truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Zhong Li's existential catchphrase "I will have order." which itself is a cryptic reference to the chaos he causes in both the story and on Reddit. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as miHoYo's genius wit unfolds itself on their smartphone screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂
          
          And yes, by the way, I DO have a Zhong Li tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

          You talking shit about Genshin Impact?

            ehe te nandayo?
            Hey buddy, I heard you talking crap about my homie MiHoYo.
            
            If you think this is funny, it's not. This is how the game should be designed.
            
            These people are speed running the game with their quick progressions. It's no wonder they're complaining about everything. QUICK REMINDER, it's just a FREE gacha game. Free means no complaints, not even constructive criticism or feedback. MiHoYo is already generous enough to provide 53 EXP per kill instead of ZERO EXP. You will level after only 3,397 ruin guard kills.
            
            Don't get me started with the mora too. If each of those ruin guards give 200 mora each (generously-speaking), by the time you level up from killing 3,397 ruin guards you would have already accumulated 679,245 mora. That's enough for talent rank ups from Lvl 6 --> Lvl 8, almost TWICE.
            
            One big complaint, that I see way too often, is the resin system. Suppose it takes you 15 seconds to kill a ruin guard, or 30 seconds because you hit like a wet noodle. After killing the ruin guard, you spend 25-26 minutes creating a post (all lies btw) trying to expose the flaws of this game on the subreddit, which I will argue against you until the end of time kiddo. The cycle continues indefinitely. Based on my calculations: 30 seconds to kill one ruin guard multiplied by an average of 25.5 minutes of blatant lies from your post, multiplied AGAIN by 3,397 ruin guards is 155,922,300 seconds. That's 2,598,705 minutes. Plus, that was already assuming you had access to killing them back-to-back. This will hinder us casual players, so I'm glad everything is time-gated. Anyway, resin recharges 1 per 8 minutes, that means by the time you kill all 3,397 ruin guards you will obtain AT LEAST:
            
            - 1 level
            
            - 697,245 mora (given that ruin guards give 200 mora each)
            
            - 324,838 RESIN
            
            That's enough resin to last you your entire bloodline.
            
            I for one am enjoying the game so much. I've been collecting common, exquisite, and precious garbage every time I venture the barren wasteland. I'm already AR60 and I haven't even began the Mondstadt story quest line yet. This is coming from a guy who has 15 years of gacha experience (e.g. Candy Crush, Minesweepers, and Ninja Turtles).