every simp ever copypasta

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl’s shoulder today.

POV you saw 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.

Every simp ever

Excuse me sir or ma'am

but I couldn't help but notice.... are you a "girl"?? A "female?" A "member of the finer sex?"

Not that it matters too much, but it's just so rare to see a girl around here! I don't mind, no--quite to the contrary! It's so refreshing to see a girl online, to the point where I'm always telling all my friends "I really wish girls were better represented on the internet."

And here you are!

I don't mean to push or anything, but if you wanted to DM me about anything at all, I'd love to pick your brain and learn all there is to know about you. I'm sure you're an incredibly interesting girl--though I see you as just a person, really--and I think we could have lots to teach each other.

I've always wanted the chance to talk to a gorgeous lady--and I'm pretty sure you've got to be gorgeous based on the position of your text in the picture--so feel free to shoot me a message, any time at all! You don't have to be shy about it, because you're beautiful anyways (that's juyst a preview of all the compliments I have in store for our chat).

Looking forwards to speaking with you soon, princess!

EDIT: I couldn't help but notice you haven't sent your message yet. There's no need to be nervous! I promise I don't bite, haha

EDIT 2: In case you couldn't find it, you can click the little chat button from my profile and we can get talking ASAP. Not that I don't think you could find it, but just in case hahah

EDIT 3: look I don't understand why you're not even talking to me, is it something I said?

EDIT 4: I knew you were always a bitch, but I thought I was wrong. I thought you weren't like all the other girls out there but maybe I was too quick to judge

EDIT 5: don't ever contact me again whore

EDIT 6: hey are you there?

ok simp 😎

Oh, so you support your girlfriend?

You simp. Okay Homer SIMPson. You absolute simpanzee. OOO OOO OO OO EE EE OO 🐒 <- that is you. You are nothing but sludge . You are putrid muck given form, weakness personified. I am not sympathetic. You are simp pathetic.