Elden ring

Malenia

Every copypasta of Malenia from Elden Ring. Malenia, Blade of Miquella and Goddess of Rot is an optional boss in Elden Ring that is well known for her difficulty and challenge.

I am going to have sex with Malenia from Elden Ring

I am going to have sex with Malenia from Elden Ring. I find Malenia in Elden Ring sexy. However, her body is made up of 87% Scarlet Rot, and 100% Scarlet Rot surrounds her. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with her. To remedy this, Malenia casts an incantation on me making me resistant to Scarlet Rot. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, It just means that I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with Malenia, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! I'd rather take damage than not pleasure Malenia.

Malenia and I go to the Haligtree to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat.

Before we went into the Haligtree, Malenia let all the Demigods know that we are just here for sex. The Demigods will not attack us because they know I am here at the Haligtree on sexual business. This includes the Omen. However, the Omen Mohg thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Miquella considering that I am having sex with Malenia. However, I have no interest in becoming an Elden Lord.

CURSE YOU MALENIA

CURSE YOU MALENIA

I HEREBY VOW YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY

THICKER THAN OATMEAL YOU MAY BE FOUL WOMAN

BUT I WILL RIDDLE WITH CUM YOUR ROTTEN ASS

WITH A HAIL OF WHITE

WITH EVERY LAST DROP OF MY SEMEN

God I fucking need rotussy

God I fucking need rotussy I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Malenia, Goddess of Rot. That perfect, curvy body. Those perky breasts. The child-bearing hips of a literal goddess. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I’ll never mate with her, pass my genes through her, and have her birth a set of perfect offspring to become the new Demi-Gods. I’d do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get Malenia, Goddess of Rot pregnant. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can’t is quite honestly too much to fucking bear. Why would Miyazaki create something so perfect? To fucking tantalize us? Fucking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fucking can’t anymore. Fuck

I’d be licking her rotussy like it’s a 5 star meal

i know some people say it'd be gross to have sex with malenia because of the scarlet rot, but idgaf. I'd be licking her rotussy like it's a 5 star meal. I'll get chunks of rot and just swallow and keep going, even though they're all slimy like period clots. I'll bite into one as it flows into my mouth and it'll pop, splashing some of that stinky rot juice onto my tongue. it'll burn a lil but I'm a freak like that so the pain makes it better. she'll just wrap her thick, powerful thighs around my head and hump my face, leaving a red rot stain all over my lips and nose. after a while her tight asshole will pucker slightly, and I'll brace myself, but it'll be too late. It opens a little and a red-tinged fart hits me in my face like a gust of wind, making my eyes water and leaving a little residue on my skin. I'll cough and choke from the stench, but she'll just hold me down and force me to keep eating her out. after what feels like an eternity of plunging my tongue into her disgusting, sweaty, fetid pussy she'll grab my head and squirt out the same shit that's in the lake of rot, forcing me to drink it. it'll just keep flowing out of her as she moans loudly in release, not even caring that I'm being suffocated in-between her thighs, until my belly is bulging and glowing red from the inside, and I'm turned into a mindless sex slave, my mind gone from the rot consuming me

The first time I came across Malenia I was throbbing

The first time I came across Malenia (and the 152 subsequent times) I was throbbing. Yeah. This isn’t the most unusual thing in the world, but I’m not used to having actual honest boners that aren’t just forced to give me my dopamine. The shock of this experience made it hard to focus and I died right away, but I took a few deep breaths and went back into her boss room, although the erection hadn’t calmed down yet. I actually managed to get to her second phase and used the cutscene as a way to take a break, but then it happened... her armor came off. That beautiful stomach, that flowing red hair... she was perfect. I felt something weird but I paid it no mind since I was already beyond myself and in awe, but when she approached me in her newly revealed form I shot it straight into my pants, hands free. I fell in love with her after this ordeal and she indeed has never known defeat against me, because I only go inside to let her beat me up

After all of this happened I ordered a life sized Malenia statue and married it and have never been happier since 💕

Imagine how Malenia would feel fom the inside

Imagine how Malenia would feel fom the inside, her rot can be used as lube and protection. I could drink her rotted period blood and make myself a smoothie from it if I have no coffee, since she probably emits a lot of it, If i could I would use crusty rot chunks as a filling for a sandwich, it would give it a nice crunchy feeling and remind me of my favourite demigod. God I want to fill gas cylinders with her farts and inhale them instead of air just to keep myself sane when I'm not near her because every time I don't see her, the only thing can I do is imagine her sitting on my face making me inhale her smell and eat her out and if I do a good job she calls me a good dog and gives me a reward in a form of letting me lick her gorgeous feet 😔

Chadfrey (Godfrey)

LONG😱 and HARD🥵 didst thou goon. Horniest Warrior🫡. Edged by bussy of gold🌝. Be assured, the Milf/Dilf combo. Resteth close at hand.✊✊✊ ALAS! I am edged🥵🥵 To be granted red harlot once more.😏 Upon my name as Chadfrey, The first Sigma Lord!😎😎😎

VAMOS CARALHOOOOO SL BENFICA 🔴⚪️ NÚMERO #1

VAMOS CARALHOOOOO SL BENFICA 🔴⚪️ NÚMERO #11111111☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ 👍👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪😎😎😎😎😎 VAMOS CARALHOOOOO SL BENFICA 🔴⚪️ NÚMERO #11111111☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️👍👍👍👍 💪💪💪💪💪😎😎😎😎😎VAMOS CARALHOOOOO SL BENFICA 🔴⚪️ NÚMERO #11111111☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ 👍👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪😎😎😎😎😎VAMOS CARALHOOOOO SL BENFICA 🔴⚪️ NÚMERO #11111111☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ 👍👍👍👍💪💪💪💪💪😎😎😎😎😎

EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY CHEATING

Wearing armor, casting magic, power stancing heavy weapons, using moonveil, using rivers of blood, using bleed weapons, using frost weapons, using any status ailment, using consumeables, leveling up, upgrading weapons, upgrading flasks, drinking flasks IS LITERALLY CHEATING and if you used any of them in your playthrough you should travel to japan and commit suduko in front of Micheal Zakis-san-sama-senpai-kuns front door

CURSE YOU BAYLE!

I HEREBY VOW, YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY!!! BEHOLD, A TRUE DRAKE WARRIOR!!! AND I, IGON, YOUR FEARS MADE FLESH!!! SOLID OF SCALE YOU MAY BE, FOUL DRAGON, BUT I WILL RIDDLE WITH HOLES YOUR ROTTEN HIDE!!! WITH A HAIL OF HARPOOOOONS!!! WITH EVERY LAST DROP OF MY BEING!!!

CURSE YOU BAYLE! 🐲 I hereby vow! 💯 You will rue this day! ☀️ Behold, a true drake warrior! 🤺 And I, Igon! 👨‍🦱
Your fear made flesh! 🥶 Solid of scale you might be, foul dragon... 💩 But I will riddle with holes your rotten hide! 🎯 With a hail of harpoons! 🏹 With every last dr

Has fromsoft gone woke?

From a Reddit comment shitposting on the fact that Fromsoft has gone woke with the release of Shadow of the Erdtree DLC for Elden Ring.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not, and I repeat, not bad at souls games. In fact, I've played this genre since before it was a genre. So I know how to play these games, and how much you normally struggle when playing new ones. Now, all that out if the way, i am going to come out and say it. This dlc is really, really bad.

The world design is amazing, sure, and the bosses are really cool. But I have a different problem, one that you can't just learn the attack timing of.

I hate the gay people in this dlc. I have always been extremely homophobic, and the souls series might have put a bit of gayness here and there, but it was never this pronounced. Has fromsoft gone woke?

They try to mask it with incest, but it's not the same as brother and sister playing around (which is fine, completely normal). Brothers playing around is wrong, because it is a sin. In a familial situation, some sexual tension is natural but never towards other men. Me and my sister took baths together until we were in our late teens, but if I did that with my dad, or if I had a brother and saw him naked, that would be immoral and wrong.

The fact that fromsoft is pushing this makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I need them to change it. It ruins the entire dlc and pits a bad taste in my mouth, a worse taste than that time my mom accidentally peed in my mouth. And let me tell you, that woman's piss stank something fierce. Thats how serious this is.

Please, think of my religion. I dont care if you are some chinese or korean developers or something, you should nautraly, instinctively know that God wouldn't want this, Jesus wouldn't want this, and I'm sure Saint Trump wouldn't want this. 🙏

POV: Miyazaki mails you a bomb

I'm amazed at the ingenuity of Miyazaki's design. This latest encounter design is on par with The undead burg courtyard, Father Gascoigne, and Blue Smelter Demon. [Spoilers] When you open your mailbox and see a hand delivered gift from From Software studios, the unenlightened would simply see it as a gift to their loyal fans, but clever design would point to it obviously being a trap, the subtle beeping inside of the package, and the delay trigger mechanism on the Pipe Bomb itself as you open the packaging allowing you to think quickly and throw it away before it detonates let the player react fairly to the threat which is completely lost on the average gamer.

Now, game journalists have taken to calling Miyazaki "A Terrorist" and "Wanted in every Democratic Country" but as we all know these game journalists often lack even the simplest of skills required to be proficient in video games, leaving them with horrific scars from the detonation as they stared at the explosive device in their hands. Instead of learning from their mistakes and being prepared for the next grenade in their mail, they instead take to the internet and slander masterpiece design for their own failures.

I can't wait to see what Miyazaki cooks up next, will he kidnap my family and hold them for ransom? Cleverly giving me the information to free them myself without needing to pay? Or will he cut my break line, knicking my oil tank and warning me that something is wrong with my car? Only time will tell but I for one, am eager, to experience what Miyazaki has in store.

How was this game created by human beings?

Okay, I just had to put down my controller and write down my feelings here. I just feel this game isn’t something normal human beings living in this day and age are capable of producing. It seems like a product that was developed by extraterrestrials as a first contact attempt. I don’t game much, but as a new player playing this game blind and approximately 40 hours in, I am just in complete awe of the game design from top to bottom. I don’t even know where to start or how to phrase this post, but for most people in this subreddit, you probably know what I mean. I have lost count of the times where my jaw just dropped mouthing “what the fuh…” or my eyes just stared in utter amazement at my screen (this game is just pure dopamine on my 80 inch TV on PS5). The landscape designs, enemy designs, lore, NPC voices, names of items, the music, the sound, what have you. Nothing is better than the other. Everything is just top tier and there is clearly no skimping on delivering an almost ethereal experience. On top of this, the game performs incredibly well and there’s basically no loading screens unless you die and respawn. The only negative thing about this game is that I won’t be able to play another, ever, without expecting this level of quality.

A game like GTA V being released, remastered and milked to the bone so many times seems like a crime. If FromSoftware did the same (even though they would never cheapen their brand like that), I’m sure none of us would complain.

Anyway, back to playing I go…